For those who wonder, "Do I really have a problem?"
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 383
For those who wonder, "Do I really have a problem?"
I came across this quote from Betty White's autobiography in a book I'm reading, and thought it would be useful to post here:
"The reason I rejected the idea that I was an alcohoic was that my addiction wasn't dramatic. So I forgot a few telelphone calls. So I fell in the bathroom and cracked three ribs. But I never drank for a hangover, and in fact, I used to criticize people who did. At house parties, I would look at friends who knocked back Bloody Marys in the morning, and I would think, isn't that pathetic?
I hadn't been a solitary drinker, either; I'd never hidden bottles in the chandeliers or the toilet tanks. When Jerry was away, there had always been neighbors to have cocktails with, either at their houses or at our house, and at Washington luncheons I'd never touched anything but an occasional glass of sherry. There had been no broken promises (my husband never came to me and said, "Please quit") and no drunken driving. I worried about my children too much to risk taking them anywhere in a car when I'd been drinking. And I never wound up in jail, or in a strange part of town with a bunch of sailors."
Denial can keep us drunk for years. This passage reminds me that it's easy to deny our addiction by comparing out to others - to say "I'm not like THAT guy or gal, so I don't have a problem. In fact, my biggest hurdle in getting into AA was this feeling that I couldn't possibly be an alcoholic. I'd met alcoholics and I didn't like them, and I certainly wasn't one of them. My drinking was different - I used the drug to open my mind, it made me feel at one with the world. That's not the kind of drinking (so I thought) that lands one under the bridge or puts one in jail.
I think it's important to remember that addiction affects all of us - it cuts across gender, ethnicity, social class and nationality. Addiction is an illness that affects us in many different ways. The questions of how much one drinks, how often, drink of choice etc. have no absolute answer - there's no objective measure that we can look at and say "yes, I'm an alcoholic." If someone else tries to tell you you're an alcoholic because of reason A, B and C, if they aren't correct about B & C you're going to dismiss them, naturally. Although certainly these factors can be used to help diagnose the disease, when looking at your own life and seeing how you have used alcohol, try and not compare out. Be honest with yourself and you can come to a much clearer conclusion as to whether you think it's time to consider a change in your life.
"The reason I rejected the idea that I was an alcohoic was that my addiction wasn't dramatic. So I forgot a few telelphone calls. So I fell in the bathroom and cracked three ribs. But I never drank for a hangover, and in fact, I used to criticize people who did. At house parties, I would look at friends who knocked back Bloody Marys in the morning, and I would think, isn't that pathetic?
I hadn't been a solitary drinker, either; I'd never hidden bottles in the chandeliers or the toilet tanks. When Jerry was away, there had always been neighbors to have cocktails with, either at their houses or at our house, and at Washington luncheons I'd never touched anything but an occasional glass of sherry. There had been no broken promises (my husband never came to me and said, "Please quit") and no drunken driving. I worried about my children too much to risk taking them anywhere in a car when I'd been drinking. And I never wound up in jail, or in a strange part of town with a bunch of sailors."
Denial can keep us drunk for years. This passage reminds me that it's easy to deny our addiction by comparing out to others - to say "I'm not like THAT guy or gal, so I don't have a problem. In fact, my biggest hurdle in getting into AA was this feeling that I couldn't possibly be an alcoholic. I'd met alcoholics and I didn't like them, and I certainly wasn't one of them. My drinking was different - I used the drug to open my mind, it made me feel at one with the world. That's not the kind of drinking (so I thought) that lands one under the bridge or puts one in jail.
I think it's important to remember that addiction affects all of us - it cuts across gender, ethnicity, social class and nationality. Addiction is an illness that affects us in many different ways. The questions of how much one drinks, how often, drink of choice etc. have no absolute answer - there's no objective measure that we can look at and say "yes, I'm an alcoholic." If someone else tries to tell you you're an alcoholic because of reason A, B and C, if they aren't correct about B & C you're going to dismiss them, naturally. Although certainly these factors can be used to help diagnose the disease, when looking at your own life and seeing how you have used alcohol, try and not compare out. Be honest with yourself and you can come to a much clearer conclusion as to whether you think it's time to consider a change in your life.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 314
Great post! It's really, really unfortunate that the term alcoholic conjures up images of the most destructive and down and out drinkers. It keeps so many of us from seeing that excessive, binge, obsessive, progressive, and secretive drinking (etc) are major red flags and/or telltale signs of alcoholism.
I sincerely hope that the stigma around the term "alcoholic" shifts in the coming years. For example, it would help so many people to have a widespread public campaign showing everyday people (alcoholics) break the stigma of what an alcoholic might look like.
I sincerely hope that the stigma around the term "alcoholic" shifts in the coming years. For example, it would help so many people to have a widespread public campaign showing everyday people (alcoholics) break the stigma of what an alcoholic might look like.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Originally Posted by SonomaGal 
secretive drinking (etc) are major red flags and/or telltale signs of alcoholism.
a. they were smaller to hide in my dresser/closet than a 1.5L bottle
b. they didn't "clang" together when I was trying to take secret sips
c. I could easily throw the "evidence" down the garbage chute without worrying about broken glass
jeez man.
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