blackjay

Hello. I'm new here and a little nervous about posting. Today is day 1 of sobriety for me. I'll be seeing my doctor in about two weeks to get back on Revia and antidepressants/anxiety meds. I have sworn I'd quit so many times, but I am finally pissed off enough to REALLY do it. What has changed for me this time is that when my husband told me he'd lost all faith in me ever quitting, I realized he was wrong and that I hadn't lost faith in myself. I'm no longer talking about quitting, I have quit. I'm doing it, not wanting to do it. But...I could use some friends who understand when things get hard. I know that things will likely get worse, but I am done with this sad existence. Plus...my husband can NOT tell me what I will or will not do, and I'll stay sober just to be stubborn and prove him wrong!

Dee74

Hi Blackjay

this is a great community - no need to be nervous...there's lots of support and understanding here

MelindaFlowers

Blackjay,
Welcome. I can relate to many things you wrote in your post, especially swearing to myself and others that I would stop drinking without actually doing it. I swore to myself every morning that I was done....never again. That lasted til 5 pm rolled around and there I was at the liquor store buying more. There was always tomorrow, right? I finally stopped 21 days ago and I haven't looked back. We do get to a point where we actually want to be sober more than we want to drink. It takes some of us a long time but I think we all get there at some point if our health hasn't failed us yet.

I've been surprised how challenging it still is even though I don't want to drink. It is challenging but possible and it feels pretty darn good when I really think about it. I struggled to make it even one day, thousands of times. I joined this site in 2010 but in my heart I still wanted to drink....someday. Well, I had enough of those days and it sounds like you have as well. Sobriety feels much better than those nasty hangovers and the stress of keeping the stash always full. I have found this site to be a huge help to keep my in the moment when I'm feeling stressed or missing drinking. Welcome.

Nuudawn

I am almost of the belief that anger and indignation is a better motivator than shame and guilt. Anger has more energy. If it gets you on sober road...good enough. I do hope that in that sunlight of sobriety you will soon see how much you want it for yourself. It's better here. It takes a wee bit to realize...but it is.

blackjay

Thank you both! You are right, I have definitely had enough. Even when I was drinking recently, I was sick of it and felt like I was only doing it because it's what I've always done. I'm ready to change, finally. I always thought it was a process to change, but it seems to have happened instantly. I just know I won't drink again. I can't convince anyone I know of that, but time will tell.

blackjay

Nuudawn, I surprised myself with how forcefully I felt that I was NOT hopeless after my husband told me he thought I was. I am also depressed and spend a lot of time thinking to myself that I am a lost cause and a failure, but now I know that I don't really believe that. I'm definitely using this anger to get me through, but I am doing for myself. I just didn't know until now that I believed in myself.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Blackjay!! It's great to have you onboard!!

lostinthetrees

Welcome!

songthread

Welcome blackjay!

Aellyce

Great decision, blackjay! Just make sure the motivation is founded on something that lasts, and is not simply an emotional momentum.

blackjay

Thanks! I have no doubt it will last. I am planning to talk to my doctor about inpatient rehab. I'm going to do it right this time.