On to day 6
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 344
On to day 6
Think the ex may be lying to me and have told a bunch of people stuff that isn't true and burned a lot of bridges that will make it impossible for us to get back together, specifically his family.....
But I had lunch with a gf today and she had a glass of wine didn't bother me.....also went to a fundraiser event this evening that was held in a bar and my friend drank and I didn't ...no urge too at all. Disgusted by what it made me do.
So that's good. I guess I may have to accept I've lost him forever.
But I had lunch with a gf today and she had a glass of wine didn't bother me.....also went to a fundraiser event this evening that was held in a bar and my friend drank and I didn't ...no urge too at all. Disgusted by what it made me do.
So that's good. I guess I may have to accept I've lost him forever.
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 56
You are doing amazing! It is very hard to remain sober and not say, "f it" because you are going through a breakup. Do this for you! If he doesn't come around it will be his loss. You will be sober, happy, amazing, beautiful... and will be happy to move on. Time heals all, I hope for us both!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
Lawgirl, I am cutting and pasting what I wrote on your Day 5 thread here as it directly relates to what you are posting about today--I don't know if you saw it on your other thread as there was no response.
Well done on day 6 and avoiding temptation
Here is the post from yesterday:
You are doing well and congrats on Day 5 lawgirl,
but please deeply consider the following disclaimer:
get sober for you, not to "fix" your relationship.
He may or may not decide to continue the relationship,
but if your focus, and reason for stopping drinking, is about him,
then it is unlikely you will succeed in recovery, not just quitting drinking.
Everything changes, and must change, when you deal with substance addiction.
All the ways you deal with emotions, process anger or hurt, and engage people socially must be examined and many times discarded or changed.
Especially if you started drinking young, as many of us did, you may have to learn how to respond
to negative things in an "adult" way, which can be tough if you are a "get drunk and fight" type of person.
I grew up with that from my alcoholic mother, and that's how I
frequently dealt with conflict or pain too until I stopped drinking.
Getting some good cognitive therapy and keeping an honest journal can help quite a lot with this processing.
It is, if you truly engage, sometimes hard and painful work but the
rewards are incredible, and they are with you no matter what happens with your fiance.
Well done on day 6 and avoiding temptation
Here is the post from yesterday:
You are doing well and congrats on Day 5 lawgirl,
but please deeply consider the following disclaimer:
get sober for you, not to "fix" your relationship.
He may or may not decide to continue the relationship,
but if your focus, and reason for stopping drinking, is about him,
then it is unlikely you will succeed in recovery, not just quitting drinking.
Everything changes, and must change, when you deal with substance addiction.
All the ways you deal with emotions, process anger or hurt, and engage people socially must be examined and many times discarded or changed.
Especially if you started drinking young, as many of us did, you may have to learn how to respond
to negative things in an "adult" way, which can be tough if you are a "get drunk and fight" type of person.
I grew up with that from my alcoholic mother, and that's how I
frequently dealt with conflict or pain too until I stopped drinking.
Getting some good cognitive therapy and keeping an honest journal can help quite a lot with this processing.
It is, if you truly engage, sometimes hard and painful work but the
rewards are incredible, and they are with you no matter what happens with your fiance.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 143
Thank you for reposting that, Hawkeye. I needed to hear it also.
Congratulations lawgirl! Keep up the good work. It is great to go to those events and not feel tempted. I've found I can do that early on also, but after the disgust and memory of the negative effects of drinking starts to fade, my ability to resist actually declines. I'm working on that now but still sober since 7-8.
Congratulations lawgirl! Keep up the good work. It is great to go to those events and not feel tempted. I've found I can do that early on also, but after the disgust and memory of the negative effects of drinking starts to fade, my ability to resist actually declines. I'm working on that now but still sober since 7-8.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I agree with others that it's important to get sober for yourself, not in the hope that your boyfriend will want to resume the relationship
Congrats on not drinking but please be careful- all of my relapses have been when I have been with drinkers in a drinking environment. When bad memories were fresh in my mind in the early days I was disgusted with myself and didn't want to drink.
However, memories do fade easily and the time will come when urges/cravings do arise when you are in drinking company. Please arm yourself with coping mechanisms and a plan for what you will do when they do hit. Urge surfing works well for me.Meditation,breathing,escape plans etc all work too
Congrats on not drinking but please be careful- all of my relapses have been when I have been with drinkers in a drinking environment. When bad memories were fresh in my mind in the early days I was disgusted with myself and didn't want to drink.
However, memories do fade easily and the time will come when urges/cravings do arise when you are in drinking company. Please arm yourself with coping mechanisms and a plan for what you will do when they do hit. Urge surfing works well for me.Meditation,breathing,escape plans etc all work too
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
congrats LG on day 6!!!
sorry to hear that your relationship may not turn out as you hoped, I guess that's par for the course though really. As long as your decision to get sober is one you are making for YOU, everything will end up the way it's supposed to. Big changes start happening, some I don't think we're even aware of inside of us...they are taking place, silently under the surface. Just try and focus on one day at a time and on you.
for me - a huge trigger is relationship issues. I need to tread very carefully is something is running amok in my personal life b/c when I'm spending too much time invested in that drama...it's very easy for me to want to drink those sorrows away. I hope you can stay strong and vigilant through this tough time.
*hugs*
sorry to hear that your relationship may not turn out as you hoped, I guess that's par for the course though really. As long as your decision to get sober is one you are making for YOU, everything will end up the way it's supposed to. Big changes start happening, some I don't think we're even aware of inside of us...they are taking place, silently under the surface. Just try and focus on one day at a time and on you.
for me - a huge trigger is relationship issues. I need to tread very carefully is something is running amok in my personal life b/c when I'm spending too much time invested in that drama...it's very easy for me to want to drink those sorrows away. I hope you can stay strong and vigilant through this tough time.
*hugs*
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Ah, LawGirl, 6 days is fabulous!
You may lose some people on the way, but the journey you're on is about finding YOU - and finding that you are someone who you love and who is worthy of happiness. The rest will follow as it will
You may lose some people on the way, but the journey you're on is about finding YOU - and finding that you are someone who you love and who is worthy of happiness. The rest will follow as it will
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
Lawgirl, I am cutting and pasting what I wrote on your Day 5 thread here as it directly relates to what you are posting about today--I don't know if you saw it on your other thread as there was no response.
Well done on day 6 and avoiding temptation
Here is the post from yesterday:
You are doing well and congrats on Day 5 lawgirl,
but please deeply consider the following disclaimer:
get sober for you, not to "fix" your relationship.
He may or may not decide to continue the relationship,
but if your focus, and reason for stopping drinking, is about him,
then it is unlikely you will succeed in recovery, not just quitting drinking.
Everything changes, and must change, when you deal with substance addiction.
All the ways you deal with emotions, process anger or hurt, and engage people socially must be examined and many times discarded or changed.
Especially if you started drinking young, as many of us did, you may have to learn how to respond
to negative things in an "adult" way, which can be tough if you are a "get drunk and fight" type of person.
I grew up with that from my alcoholic mother, and that's how I
frequently dealt with conflict or pain too until I stopped drinking.
Getting some good cognitive therapy and keeping an honest journal can help quite a lot with this processing.
It is, if you truly engage, sometimes hard and painful work but the
rewards are incredible, and they are with you no matter what happens with your fiance.
Well done on day 6 and avoiding temptation
Here is the post from yesterday:
You are doing well and congrats on Day 5 lawgirl,
but please deeply consider the following disclaimer:
get sober for you, not to "fix" your relationship.
He may or may not decide to continue the relationship,
but if your focus, and reason for stopping drinking, is about him,
then it is unlikely you will succeed in recovery, not just quitting drinking.
Everything changes, and must change, when you deal with substance addiction.
All the ways you deal with emotions, process anger or hurt, and engage people socially must be examined and many times discarded or changed.
Especially if you started drinking young, as many of us did, you may have to learn how to respond
to negative things in an "adult" way, which can be tough if you are a "get drunk and fight" type of person.
I grew up with that from my alcoholic mother, and that's how I
frequently dealt with conflict or pain too until I stopped drinking.
Getting some good cognitive therapy and keeping an honest journal can help quite a lot with this processing.
It is, if you truly engage, sometimes hard and painful work but the
rewards are incredible, and they are with you no matter what happens with your fiance.
Recovery needs to be about a change within that often results in changing everything about our lives. I can attest this was and is the case for me. Very few remnants of my old life and habits exist now.
Congrats on day 6 - keep it going. What are you doing or thinking about for your recovery?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Lawgirl, it could be possible that he doesn't want to be honest with you now because he is afraid of how it will affect you. But, this is further evidence that you need to be doing this for yourself and no one else.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi lawgirl, congrats on 6 days sober.
I think many of us have lost important relationships around our drinking. Sometimes it's hard... but it's better to lose these than our lives! We can find new connections in a healthy life and with a healthy mind.
Keep it up!
I think many of us have lost important relationships around our drinking. Sometimes it's hard... but it's better to lose these than our lives! We can find new connections in a healthy life and with a healthy mind.
Keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
It's sometimes helpful to go back and examine your "started threads" list. I see you had some success back around very early Spring, looks like the summer relapse bug bit you though. (You were not alone, there was a veritable rash of relapse threads in June-July, must be a Summer thing.)
Reviewing previous thread history is helpful to get perspective and to see what worked, what didn't, and where exactly have the wheels fallen off of the schoolbus? Living "in the moment" is I think what brings a lot of people back to the bottle. Frequently reviewing journal entries or SR posts or a helpful "reminder" note is a good way to snap out of the right-now mentality and get back to proper perspective.
Sorry to hear about the relationship crashing and burning, but maybe this ends up being the serious event in your life that's the turning point -- the thing that was big enough to really "bring home" the seriousness of the situation and shock you into making lasting changes going forward.
Reviewing previous thread history is helpful to get perspective and to see what worked, what didn't, and where exactly have the wheels fallen off of the schoolbus? Living "in the moment" is I think what brings a lot of people back to the bottle. Frequently reviewing journal entries or SR posts or a helpful "reminder" note is a good way to snap out of the right-now mentality and get back to proper perspective.
Sorry to hear about the relationship crashing and burning, but maybe this ends up being the serious event in your life that's the turning point -- the thing that was big enough to really "bring home" the seriousness of the situation and shock you into making lasting changes going forward.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: SC
Posts: 54
I am on to day number 8 being sober, Congrats to you!!! its awesome that you feel comfortable going to bars and not needing the drink to calm ya down. I have bad social anxiety so I always turned to wine. Havent been put in a situation where ive been tested yet and im definately nervous. I can go out to to dinner with friends and they can drink and im fine. Cheers to us! its nice being on the same page and close with our sobriety date 
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