Does it get better? Why yes, it does!
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Does it get better? Why yes, it does!
Something happened yesterday that made me very happy.
See, I've been so focused on the kids, on getting them to a better place. I've fought, cried, sought out support for them, sought out support for myself so that I can help them better, and celebrated how far they have come.
I've maybe put my own recovery a bit on the back burner, but not completely.
But yesterday, my husband and I were talking about when our (respective) kids were little, how we would make up stories for them at bedtime, and how both he and I had these stories with recurring characters that the kids learned to know and love.
And then I just had a flashback to when we were first married and I said "DO YOU REMEMBER how many nights you made up bedtime stories for ME because my anxiety was so high that I couldn't sleep?" He smiled and said, "yeah, I do." Well, it's been probably a year or more since I had problems sleeping. I'm off all medications -- antidepressants and anti-anxiety -- and I'm really looking forward instead of back.
I haven't thought of those long days and long nights when I would get on the treadmill or exercise bike for an hour in the middle of the night just to tire myself out enough that I could fall asleep. I haven't thought of those mornings when getting out of bed felt close to impossible. I have actually forgotten so much of the hard stuff that I lived through after leaving AXH. I'm glad I no longer think of it -- but it was good to get a reminder of it, to see how far I have come.
So that's my message for you who are in the thick of it today. It may feel like a one step forward, two steps back process -- but it's not. You keep moving forward as long as you keep moving forward. You may not see the difference day to day (and you may have days when you have those feelings of OMG ENLIGHTENMENT) -- but as long as you don't give up or turn back, you ARE moving forward. Take it from someone who's been there.
See, I've been so focused on the kids, on getting them to a better place. I've fought, cried, sought out support for them, sought out support for myself so that I can help them better, and celebrated how far they have come.
I've maybe put my own recovery a bit on the back burner, but not completely.
But yesterday, my husband and I were talking about when our (respective) kids were little, how we would make up stories for them at bedtime, and how both he and I had these stories with recurring characters that the kids learned to know and love.
And then I just had a flashback to when we were first married and I said "DO YOU REMEMBER how many nights you made up bedtime stories for ME because my anxiety was so high that I couldn't sleep?" He smiled and said, "yeah, I do." Well, it's been probably a year or more since I had problems sleeping. I'm off all medications -- antidepressants and anti-anxiety -- and I'm really looking forward instead of back.
I haven't thought of those long days and long nights when I would get on the treadmill or exercise bike for an hour in the middle of the night just to tire myself out enough that I could fall asleep. I haven't thought of those mornings when getting out of bed felt close to impossible. I have actually forgotten so much of the hard stuff that I lived through after leaving AXH. I'm glad I no longer think of it -- but it was good to get a reminder of it, to see how far I have come.
So that's my message for you who are in the thick of it today. It may feel like a one step forward, two steps back process -- but it's not. You keep moving forward as long as you keep moving forward. You may not see the difference day to day (and you may have days when you have those feelings of OMG ENLIGHTENMENT) -- but as long as you don't give up or turn back, you ARE moving forward. Take it from someone who's been there.
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What a GREAT share today Lillamy. I'll keep it going:
We talk all the time about how when WE are healthy, it spills over onto the kids & they are affected by our positive changes even if we don't see the evidence of it every single day. You all know I'm a huge advocate for prioritizing OUR needs in order to be fully present & healthy for our kids & DD knows this too - we talk about it, because I want her to understand the importance of self-care for me AND for her.
Twice in the last 2 weeks, RAH has had last minute scheduling changes with work that were out of his control but which would have prevented me from being able to attend a reiki session & a yoga class because it was impossible (& unfair) to find a sitter on such short notice.
Both times DD's reaction was basically, "hail NO": Both times she packed a bag of activities (e-reader, book, journal, snack) & said that she could certainly be quiet & patient for the time it would take for me to attend my meetings, because it was important for me to have that time & those activities.
Halfway through the yoga class last night, I noticed she had slid off her chair in the corner & had joined in on the exercises (I've been teaching her at home since she was 2).... the instructor had seen her interest, given her a mat & encouraged her to join in. She arrived feeling intimidated because she hadn't thought she could "hang" with a "real" yoga class & left feeling inspired & accomplished instead. And I didn't miss something super important to me, all because she reflected my own words & principles back to me - win/win/win.
(we also signed up to take a tai chi class together at the studio this Saturday, I can't wait!)
We talk all the time about how when WE are healthy, it spills over onto the kids & they are affected by our positive changes even if we don't see the evidence of it every single day. You all know I'm a huge advocate for prioritizing OUR needs in order to be fully present & healthy for our kids & DD knows this too - we talk about it, because I want her to understand the importance of self-care for me AND for her.
Twice in the last 2 weeks, RAH has had last minute scheduling changes with work that were out of his control but which would have prevented me from being able to attend a reiki session & a yoga class because it was impossible (& unfair) to find a sitter on such short notice.
Both times DD's reaction was basically, "hail NO": Both times she packed a bag of activities (e-reader, book, journal, snack) & said that she could certainly be quiet & patient for the time it would take for me to attend my meetings, because it was important for me to have that time & those activities.
Halfway through the yoga class last night, I noticed she had slid off her chair in the corner & had joined in on the exercises (I've been teaching her at home since she was 2).... the instructor had seen her interest, given her a mat & encouraged her to join in. She arrived feeling intimidated because she hadn't thought she could "hang" with a "real" yoga class & left feeling inspired & accomplished instead. And I didn't miss something super important to me, all because she reflected my own words & principles back to me - win/win/win.
(we also signed up to take a tai chi class together at the studio this Saturday, I can't wait!)
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she packed a bag of activities (e-reader, book, journal, snack) & said that she could certainly be quiet & patient for the time it would take for me to attend my meetings, because it was important for me to have that time & those activities.
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The kids are doing great. The one who is doing the best is the one who was doing the worst -- who didn't fight intense counseling. She has grown incredibly over the last year. 
I just spoke with her therapist who said "I enjoy having her come in but I see no reason she needs to see me regularly right now -- call me if you want to get her in and I'll see her the same day, but she is now at a point where she needs to stand on her own two feet except in the case of an emergency."
I just spoke with her therapist who said "I enjoy having her come in but I see no reason she needs to see me regularly right now -- call me if you want to get her in and I'll see her the same day, but she is now at a point where she needs to stand on her own two feet except in the case of an emergency." Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
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Reading this just made me happy. I'm happy for you, I'm happy to know that people do get healthier, I'm happy to know that kids can come out better and that all of the gradual progress can be seen in a sum occasionally. Thank you for sharing this!
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