Fifth day sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 31
Fifth day sober
Hi all.
I just need to write and get some thoughts out. I'm on my fifth day of sobriety.
I posted a thread called "Am I an Alcoholic? Is he?" a couple days ago. The responses have been incredibly insightful and helpful. I can't post a link to it because I'm too new, but anyone else with this question may want to go read it.
It's been an OK few days. I have been to three meetings since my last drop of alcohol, which was about 11:00 on Friday night. Two were Sunday, one was Monday. They were different. I would classify one as good and supportive and the other two as strange in different ways. I was pretty raw through all of them. I went to the Monday one because the cravings hit me pretty hard late afternoon and I needed to get out of my house.
It was the first time I spoke in a meeting about what was going on with me and why I was there. After, one guy came across as incredibly pompous and (no joke) lectured me across the room. I mean, direct eye contact and raised voice. He's been sober as long as I've been alive (35 years) and says he's been to meetings all over the world, and that if I was struggling with the label, then I'm choosing the wrong side of the line to be on. It was embarrassing, and people came up to me after and apologized. I try not to project too much ego onto that situation, it was what it was. The unfortunate part is that I don't see myself returning to that particular meeting again.
I'm feeling less cravings (at least I did yesterday) than I had but I'm feeling more anxiety than I'm used to. Is this my body detoxing??? I can't figure out what it's about. Maybe it's just fear of being real, of having to LIVE and be honest and authentic, to stop hiding?
I sat around with some friends last night while they drank beers and I had water. I had one moment of getting a good beer smell, which brought back memories but not necessarily desire. At least in the last couple days, the "not drinking in the moment" has been way less overwhelming than the "not drinking for the rest of my life". I can see why the one-day-at-a-time thing makes sense.
I also told my boyfriend that I drink too much (which I have told him before) and that I was giving up alcohol for a while to try to figure out if it was possible for me to have a healthy relationship with alcohol or if it just wasn't possible at all. He drinks 6-12 craft beers (at least) every day. But he said "Ok, sweetie. Thanks for telling me." We're long-distance and he's not very talkative, so who knows. Just letting that all play itself out.
I've told a couple of close friends that I was worried about my drinking and stopping for at least a while. They were all supportive, but honestly only one of them agreed that some of the things I told them were problematic (his mother is an alcoholic). The rest didn't really believe me and thought my drinking was circumstantial. I just said "There are a lot of things you don't know." and "Just trust me on this, OK?" but they were SO supportive and not judgmental at all. I haven't been able to tell anyone that I may be an alcoholic and that I've gone to meetings, but I think it's OK.
This post may not have much point and be kinda diffuse, but thanks for letting me post it. I need to get some of these feelings out since a bunch of things have happened and my feelings are kind of all over the map.
I just need to write and get some thoughts out. I'm on my fifth day of sobriety.
I posted a thread called "Am I an Alcoholic? Is he?" a couple days ago. The responses have been incredibly insightful and helpful. I can't post a link to it because I'm too new, but anyone else with this question may want to go read it.
It's been an OK few days. I have been to three meetings since my last drop of alcohol, which was about 11:00 on Friday night. Two were Sunday, one was Monday. They were different. I would classify one as good and supportive and the other two as strange in different ways. I was pretty raw through all of them. I went to the Monday one because the cravings hit me pretty hard late afternoon and I needed to get out of my house.
It was the first time I spoke in a meeting about what was going on with me and why I was there. After, one guy came across as incredibly pompous and (no joke) lectured me across the room. I mean, direct eye contact and raised voice. He's been sober as long as I've been alive (35 years) and says he's been to meetings all over the world, and that if I was struggling with the label, then I'm choosing the wrong side of the line to be on. It was embarrassing, and people came up to me after and apologized. I try not to project too much ego onto that situation, it was what it was. The unfortunate part is that I don't see myself returning to that particular meeting again.
I'm feeling less cravings (at least I did yesterday) than I had but I'm feeling more anxiety than I'm used to. Is this my body detoxing??? I can't figure out what it's about. Maybe it's just fear of being real, of having to LIVE and be honest and authentic, to stop hiding?
I sat around with some friends last night while they drank beers and I had water. I had one moment of getting a good beer smell, which brought back memories but not necessarily desire. At least in the last couple days, the "not drinking in the moment" has been way less overwhelming than the "not drinking for the rest of my life". I can see why the one-day-at-a-time thing makes sense.
I also told my boyfriend that I drink too much (which I have told him before) and that I was giving up alcohol for a while to try to figure out if it was possible for me to have a healthy relationship with alcohol or if it just wasn't possible at all. He drinks 6-12 craft beers (at least) every day. But he said "Ok, sweetie. Thanks for telling me." We're long-distance and he's not very talkative, so who knows. Just letting that all play itself out.
I've told a couple of close friends that I was worried about my drinking and stopping for at least a while. They were all supportive, but honestly only one of them agreed that some of the things I told them were problematic (his mother is an alcoholic). The rest didn't really believe me and thought my drinking was circumstantial. I just said "There are a lot of things you don't know." and "Just trust me on this, OK?" but they were SO supportive and not judgmental at all. I haven't been able to tell anyone that I may be an alcoholic and that I've gone to meetings, but I think it's OK.
This post may not have much point and be kinda diffuse, but thanks for letting me post it. I need to get some of these feelings out since a bunch of things have happened and my feelings are kind of all over the map.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
My brain and thoughts were so scattered at first. I didn't even try to share anything important in meetings. I also found people to be exceptionally picky over what I did say, so it taught me quickly to not share in meetings. Some are sicker than others.
Do you have a journal? I wrote a lot in my computer journal for quite some time. It helped me organize my thoughts and it helped me work through emotions that were suddenly so huge. Raw is a good description. That is what I said, too.
Stay with it. I would remove the "for now" from your statement about stopping drinking. Write out in chronological order everything you can remember from your drinking career. I hope you can retire permanently. Giving yourself a "someday" is really dangerous.
Do you have a journal? I wrote a lot in my computer journal for quite some time. It helped me organize my thoughts and it helped me work through emotions that were suddenly so huge. Raw is a good description. That is what I said, too.
Stay with it. I would remove the "for now" from your statement about stopping drinking. Write out in chronological order everything you can remember from your drinking career. I hope you can retire permanently. Giving yourself a "someday" is really dangerous.
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
Way to go kiddo.
Glad to see you fond the answer to your question, and glad that if the boyfriend is continuing to drink heavily that he is a ways away.
I'm on Day 8 today, had some wicked cravings, and have some big temptations coming up (how about free drink tickets in your pocket to give to others?). But I know I can beat this, even though my wife (understandably) is still worried. You can beat this too.
Find what works (AA, SR, etc.) and stick with it. If the meeting you went to damaged your self-esteem vs. bolstered it, then do not go to that meeting again, period. This is the last thing you need right now.
Glad to see you fond the answer to your question, and glad that if the boyfriend is continuing to drink heavily that he is a ways away.
I'm on Day 8 today, had some wicked cravings, and have some big temptations coming up (how about free drink tickets in your pocket to give to others?). But I know I can beat this, even though my wife (understandably) is still worried. You can beat this too.
Find what works (AA, SR, etc.) and stick with it. If the meeting you went to damaged your self-esteem vs. bolstered it, then do not go to that meeting again, period. This is the last thing you need right now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Write out in chronological order everything you can remember from your drinking career.
There are so many things I can't remember. (I mean that both in that it's been 22 years, I've had so many drinks, and literally can't remember some due to blackouts).
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