Dojang

He seems to be on a mission to drink himself to death as soon as possible. He lost his job, his children and is on day 6 of a nonstop binge on hard liquor. He hasn't eaten of showered. I stop by his house once or twice a day to check on him. He has refused all help. I just want to find him unconscious so I can call rescue and he can't refuse treatment. He was released from inpatient rehab last week and his first stop was the liquor store. I don't know what to do.

biminiblue

I'm so very sorry you are having to go through this, my friend.

Praying for peace and strength for you.

hopeful4

So so very sorry.

Tight Hugs.

unsureoffuture

How upsetting and heart wrenching it must for you to just watch him destroy himself. Unfortunately you know the 3'c's. You have no control over it as sad as it is. It is in your HP's hands now. All you can do is be supportive to him when and if he decides it's time for help. Im praying for strength an courage for you. Remember to take care of yourself in the process. Just know, you are not alone.

isitme

I'm so very sorry. It sounds absolutely heartbreaking.

Hun, what are you doing to take care of you right now? Do you have someone to lean on, who can come check up on you?

Don't forget about yourself in the midst of the mess please. You matter too.
((((hugs))))))

Dojang

Going back to Al Anon tonight & scheduled an appointment with a therapist that deals with codependency. I left out the part about what happened last night when I went to check on him. I was sitting on the floor, he tried to stand up, but fell on top of me. I ended up in the ER, with several minor injuries. He has never gotten violent with me, but this still scared me to death. I am afraid to go back & check on him, but I am also convinced that if I don't, he will not be alive in the next several days.

biminiblue

Why don't you take someone with you? You can always have a police officer meet you at the house and go in with you.

You don't have to do this in fear. I understand you feel obligated - but you don't have to be afraid of injury.

isitme

Oh my goodness, I certainly hope you're ok? Could you maybe just call instead? (if you must....)

I went to my first therapist appointment last night. It was so eye opening and actually wonderful. I hope your appointments and bring you some peace for the moment.

Croissant

You can actually call the police and have them do a check on him.

Wishing him to pass out is dangerous, really. I don't know if you've been in that situation, but I have a few times and it's scary.

hopeful4

How awful. It is actually holding you hostage in a way. You can call the police and request wellness checks on a person. At the very least I agree, take someone with you if you must go.

So so sorry.

Taking5

Do this. In the USA, a police office can arrest you in your own living room if you are a danger to yourself or others. He has already proved that he is a danger to you. Ideally they will put him on a psychiatric hold for 72 hours which will at least force him to sober up. Maybe sanity will return, maybe not, but it is worth a shot.

Dojang

They have done several welfare checks, but because he is in his own house and denies he is going to hurt himself, they can't do anything. Taking an officer with me is a great idea. I actually got his 1 last friend to check on him today so I don't have to go. And yes, he is completely holding me hostage. When I call he doesn't answer the phone, knowing I will then go check on him. We live less than a mile from each other. I know he's manipulating, but what if he really is unconscious and he dies because I didn't go check? It's an awful cycle I can't seem to get out of.

biminiblue

He is not so much manipulating you as you are guilting yourself. Do you really think he is drinking himself into passout just to get you to come by? No. He is severely depressed and as you said, probably wants to die. It has nothing to do with whether or not you show up.

You can get off the ride any time you want. In my opinion now would be a good time. You are not so powerful that you can save him.

fedup3

Lauren, his life really is not in your hands.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Dojang

Thank you biminiblue, I really needed to hear what you just said.

biminiblue

lauren, I am an alcoholic. Alcohol just magnifies depression 1000%. He has caused all his own problems with his drinking.

Even in my lowest times, I knew inside that I could quit drinking. I just dint wanna.

I am again very sorry you have become enmeshed in his mess. Take care of yourself and be safe.

yensid

I have no words of wisdom but I wanted to say that I am sorry that you are going through this.
My 1st and only al-anon meeting 2 yrs ago they said that if we weren't religious we could replace God with our A's name.

For me, it's "Let go, Let Chris" We have no control over their behavior. It's so hard to accept that.

{hugs}

littlesister1

Lauren

I am watching my brother die by inches, it's horrible.
I have finally come to accept that this is what he CHOOSES to do - and I can't do a damn thing about it.

Similarly I was hovering over him and watching and waiting, when I backed off he ended up back in the hospital and is now onday 5 of hideous detox. He isn't lucid - he isn't really there.

It's gut wrenching and it hurts like hell but YOU have NO CONTROL over him or how he decides to live and die.

It sucks and it's hard but I am working on accepting this

HUGS!

Dojang

Thank you everyone, you have NO IDEA just how much your support means to me!!!

Mango blast

Lauren, sending prayers for you, and for him. ((((hugs))))