Codies Quack Too!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Codies Quack Too!
I was thinking about some of the most ridiculous ways I have rationalized separated AHs behavior over the years. Here are a few things I have actually said out loud and cringe thinking they actually came out of my mouth:
1) "he is a good dad! He never abused the kids, he only got physical with me"
2) "he didn't choke me to kill me, it was just to scare me"
3) "he always pays his financial obligations to me, he is always thinking of our best interest" (as I sat in the restraining order hearing)
4) "he just was abused as a child so its his way he doesnt know any better"
5) "at least he gave me a ride to surgery"-um, a real husband would be more supportive than that!
6) "she (enabling gf) must have such low self esteem to keep taking him back"---yet I took him back several times!
...its laughable now but I cant believe myself!
What are some of your biggest codie quacks???
1) "he is a good dad! He never abused the kids, he only got physical with me"
2) "he didn't choke me to kill me, it was just to scare me"
3) "he always pays his financial obligations to me, he is always thinking of our best interest" (as I sat in the restraining order hearing)
4) "he just was abused as a child so its his way he doesnt know any better"
5) "at least he gave me a ride to surgery"-um, a real husband would be more supportive than that!
6) "she (enabling gf) must have such low self esteem to keep taking him back"---yet I took him back several times!
...its laughable now but I cant believe myself!
What are some of your biggest codie quacks???
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 303
Tell me about it.
Definitely the "But he is a good dad!" Um, no, a good dad respects his children's mother. He does not call her vile names, lie lie lie and choke her.
"But he had an epiphany last night and he has decided to [fill the the blank.]" AA, NA, a therapist, a psychiatrist, church, get a mentor, go to rehab, exercise, pour out the alcohol, flush the Adderall, pray more, you name it. I just kept hoping and quacking.
The biggest were the spiritual lies I told myself:
"I guess God just made this my cross to bear in life."
"Marriage is just supposed to be hard. All those people who have happy loving relationships probably aren't being real."
"I am growing spiritually from the abuse."
Oh brother, Bullfrog. (Now slaps forehead)
Definitely the "But he is a good dad!" Um, no, a good dad respects his children's mother. He does not call her vile names, lie lie lie and choke her.
"But he had an epiphany last night and he has decided to [fill the the blank.]" AA, NA, a therapist, a psychiatrist, church, get a mentor, go to rehab, exercise, pour out the alcohol, flush the Adderall, pray more, you name it. I just kept hoping and quacking.
The biggest were the spiritual lies I told myself:
"I guess God just made this my cross to bear in life."
"Marriage is just supposed to be hard. All those people who have happy loving relationships probably aren't being real."
"I am growing spiritually from the abuse."
Oh brother, Bullfrog. (Now slaps forehead)
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
"Oh, he's not THAT drunk."
Some of my "best" quacking was me trying to control everything -
"If you don't _____, then I'm going to ______"
"That's it - I'm DONE with this!" (I crack up now thinking about how many times I said this & how it NEVER MEANT ANYTHING.... I just said it over & over every time I got frustrated. Never had any intention or plan for actually being done, lol.)
Some of my "best" quacking was me trying to control everything -
"If you don't _____, then I'm going to ______"
"That's it - I'm DONE with this!" (I crack up now thinking about how many times I said this & how it NEVER MEANT ANYTHING.... I just said it over & over every time I got frustrated. Never had any intention or plan for actually being done, lol.)
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I should be thankful all of this happened, I am a better person now.
He really does not know any better, his dad died so young.
IT'S A DISEASE, THIS IS NOT HIM!
Dear Lord I was an idiot. Sooooo glad I have moved on!
He really does not know any better, his dad died so young.
IT'S A DISEASE, THIS IS NOT HIM!
Dear Lord I was an idiot. Sooooo glad I have moved on!
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Indeed!!!
"He's just like his father. If his Mother did it I should be able to as well."
"He doesn't hit me, except those couple of times, but it was a really long time ago."
"If he says______ to me again it's over."
Maybe he knows about quacking too.. considering one of his old favorites was to say my duck bills were flappin'.
"He's just like his father. If his Mother did it I should be able to as well."
"He doesn't hit me, except those couple of times, but it was a really long time ago."
"If he says______ to me again it's over."
Maybe he knows about quacking too.. considering one of his old favorites was to say my duck bills were flappin'.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philly burbs, NJ
Posts: 99
He... (choose one or all, actually) cried, said he loved me, begged me not to go, swore he'll never drink again, left flowers on the porch, sent flowers to my work, sent me a text with hearts, called me his true love, poured out the alcohol, showed me his hiding places, emailed me the most beautiful poem, etcetc
and now I...(choose one or all) am... wondering if it could work out, thinking of letting him move back, sure he really means it this time, not sure if I'm doing the right thing, rethinking my plans, giving him one more chance, praying he's really changed, going to text him, trying to call him, sending him a card, trying to explain that I love him, but... etc etc.
yup, said em all, heard em all....
and now I...(choose one or all) am... wondering if it could work out, thinking of letting him move back, sure he really means it this time, not sure if I'm doing the right thing, rethinking my plans, giving him one more chance, praying he's really changed, going to text him, trying to call him, sending him a card, trying to explain that I love him, but... etc etc.
yup, said em all, heard em all....
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
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But I thought I could fix him!! He never hit me, just raised his fist a few times...., I'm never going over there again (then would be back over to see him the very next day ).. The one I said most was " I'm not worried about it" I was worried all the time about something ...what he was doing , not doing etc... good thread! I hope I never quack again 
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
Me -
"God hates divorce"
"Maybe I shouldn't have ______ to make him so mad!"
"Is it rape if it's your husband?"
"He didn't mean to hurt me, he was so angry he didn't know what he was doing!"
Thank God, I'm not only a cancer survivor but marriage survivor as well!
"God hates divorce"
"Maybe I shouldn't have ______ to make him so mad!"
"Is it rape if it's your husband?"
"He didn't mean to hurt me, he was so angry he didn't know what he was doing!"
Thank God, I'm not only a cancer survivor but marriage survivor as well!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
This is an eye-opening thread. Uncomfortable to read as it hits home. Thank you, iamthird, for starting it.
Boy does that hit home. Ugh.
"That's it - I'm DONE with this!" (I crack up now thinking about how many times I said this & how it NEVER MEANT ANYTHING.... I just said it over & over every time I got frustrated. Never had any intention or plan for actually being done, lol.)
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
You all might get a kick out of this thread on the same topic, I know I did when I went back & re-read it.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-quackers.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-quackers.html
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, ca
Posts: 268
I know how it feels to be abandoned and I won't do that to someone else.
Well, at least I don't live with him so I am not an enabler.
Well, at least I don't give him money so I am not an enabler.
Well, at least "__________" so "_____________" blah blah blah
At the end, it was, well at least he is a good lover...and even that ended.
Well, at least I don't live with him so I am not an enabler.
Well, at least I don't give him money so I am not an enabler.
Well, at least "__________" so "_____________" blah blah blah
At the end, it was, well at least he is a good lover...and even that ended.
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
He means it this time when he promises not to drink anymore
He really can do it on his own as he doesn't want to lose me
I'm not good enough for him or he wouldn't keep hurting me
I'm being unreasonable asking him to seek help
He really can do it on his own as he doesn't want to lose me
I'm not good enough for him or he wouldn't keep hurting me
I'm being unreasonable asking him to seek help
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
Mine was
"well it could be worse, at least he doesnt beat me." Yes, he is emotionally unavailable and not a true partner but I'm not getting hit so that makes it ok? What a warped way of thinking I had.
"well it could be worse, at least he doesnt beat me." Yes, he is emotionally unavailable and not a true partner but I'm not getting hit so that makes it ok? What a warped way of thinking I had.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 214
My love will heal him.
Oh, it didn't fix him--I guess I'm not a very good person with enough love to give.
But he's grudgingly going to stay with me, even though he just told me I'm worthless?
I'm so lucky to have someone like him.
Oh, it didn't fix him--I guess I'm not a very good person with enough love to give.
But he's grudgingly going to stay with me, even though he just told me I'm worthless?
I'm so lucky to have someone like him.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
My codie father on my alcoholic mother:
She is not an an alcoholic because she is just upset because she hates our new home; she is just upset because you and your sister dump your problems on her; she is just upset because we were in an argument, etc. etc.
The craziest one happened when I had to disinvite my parents to a family event at my daughter's school because my mother was entirely wasted that morning. My father said, "Your mother NEVER drinks in the morning."
I feel like we live in a whole different world and honestly sometimes I find his quacking more disconcerting than my mother's quacking.
She is not an an alcoholic because she is just upset because she hates our new home; she is just upset because you and your sister dump your problems on her; she is just upset because we were in an argument, etc. etc.
The craziest one happened when I had to disinvite my parents to a family event at my daughter's school because my mother was entirely wasted that morning. My father said, "Your mother NEVER drinks in the morning."
I feel like we live in a whole different world and honestly sometimes I find his quacking more disconcerting than my mother's quacking.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
Thought of another one: " If I was more attractive or better in bed he would pay more attention to me." I cringe to type it now but I felt that way for a long time. Also "if I was a hard core party girl like his ex he always talked about he would love me." Ugh the torment we put ourselves through!
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