mbk

I don't know if i can do this alone. Ive tried to quit before, as of now my record is six days off the sauce, since that sixth day I've been hammered everyday. I thought i didn't have a problem, part of me still believes this to be true, but the last 4 weeks in sydney speak otherwise. Ive been a hermit with a bottle, waking up in the later afternoon surrounded by empties and garbage, i am in shambles but don't want to admit it. As i stood in the shower starring at the white tiles, i whispered to myself "what the **** i am i doing?" I cant contain this desperate frustration much longer. At the same time i cant bring myself to seek help. Why is the first step so hard, why cant i just bring myself to admit the harsh reality... I have a drinking problem thats on the verge of becoming a full blown addiction. I am going to try again, this tine promising myself not to buy any alcohol and bring it in the house, and only drink socially. Its probably the laziest attempt one could possibly make, but isn't that what problem drinkers do? Negotiate and bargain with their vice? I cant bring myself to go to aa, but i also know i need some sort of support. Any words of wisdom or encouragement are welcome. Mbk

Raider

Oh my hell. You said this is on the verge of becoming a full blown addiction. Hmmmmm....you need to give that one more thought. I don't know what problem drinkers do. We aren't made from a cookie cutter. Forget about what they do, and worry about what you will do. Yup, that is a pretty lazy attempt.

Go ahead and take the moderation route my friend. Almost all of us have tried it and failed. We want to know how it works for you.

But if you want sobriety, don't drink. Find some support, get into a program if that's what it takes, read, learn, stay close to this website

Good luck.

hayley86

Welcome mbk, reaching out here is a great first step. SR is an excellent resource and you will find tons of support and understanding here. Glad you've joined us.

Gottalife

"We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."

This passage is from the AA Big Book. Perhaps you can keep it in the back of your mind as you go through your social drinking experiment.

I certainly tried it, more than once, and eventually I got a full knowledge of my condition. It was only when I knew what the problem was, that I was able to take the right action to fix it.

My last bender was such an experiment. Have a couple of beers and be home by 6. Got home by 6 no problem, just four days later! That proved to me beyond all doubt that I had the phenomenon of craving which occurs only in alcoholics. I took the right action and have not needed to drink since.

All the best.

soberjuly

It's not "on the verge", you have a full blown addiction. IMHO moderation won't work, it will fail. You can't drink socially unless it's seltzer water.

I spent years, wasted years, playing the "I'm going to moderate" game. You made it 6 days right? I mean that's your record?

So maybe just try to go sober for a month...because I don't think 6 days is enough to break the drinking habit.

I am close to 5 days and sometimes I feel like a puppet. There are all these times in the day when I used to drink and I feel myself wanting to recreate the habit. I am not craving alcohol, I am missing the habit I am used to.

It will take time to figure out what to do with all that time spent buying alcohol, drinking alcohol and etc. It consumed my life, my schedule revolved around alcohol. I was a slave to it and now I have all these habits and rituals which I need to replace with new habits and rituals.

As I am still in transition, when I feel like well what now? I come on here and read posts.

trachemys

Wisdom and encouragement: STOP DRINKING.

There are your two possible states: abstinent or hammered. Moderation is as far out of your reach as walking on Mars. Get a grip, get a program...any program, get on with life.

Dee74

Hi mbk

if you want to change,this is the place to come to - you'll find a ton of support here.

I used to think my life would be over without booze and drugs...but instead, my life started again, mbk - it really did.

Hope to see you around some more

D

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

I tried to convince myself that my drinking was under control by bargaining too, I would only drink at weekends, I wouldn't drink on work nights, I'd have 3 days of no drinking a week, then 2 days, then 1 day, I'd only have beer, only have wine . . . basically I moved the goalposts so many times but I was only kidding myself that I didn't have a problem.

You can do this!!

biminiblue

Oh, yeah. I was a bargainer/moderator too. For a year I tried every moderation trick and tactic you'll ever hear in an AA meeting.

Beer only. Only on weekends. Only when out with friends. Counting drinks. Every other day. Only after 5PM.

For me, it always crept back up. I didn't want one drink, I wanted six. Or ten. Or however many it took until I felt happy. Trouble was, I wanted to keep that happy feeling. After a while the happy only lasted 30 minutes or so, the rest of the day was spent trying to keep the anxiety down. First it was fun. Then I had to. Then it had me.

So if I couldn't have the lovely buzz without the aftereffect of passing out and feeling like crap, and I didn't see the point in one or two (as if I could do that) that only left abstinence.

No drinking is far easier than moderation. People who don't have a problem with alcohol don't have a problem with moderation. We do.

Tonymblue

I think that we have all tried moderation. Personally i dont believe in it. Ive never seen it work. My epiphany was acceptance on pure abstinence. It was, honestly, like having a piano lifted off my chest. Now i can focus on that. Not the "domino effect" that moderation had on me.