Hereandnow2

My husband and I are going to dinner for our 9 year anniversary tomorrow night and of course in the past I have always drank. I'm feeling nervous about it because I think it would be more fun if I drank, I would connect with him more, ect. I won't be ruining my 44 days sober for it but I'm struggling with it! Thoughts?

biminiblue

Don't drink.

You can still have a delicious meal with your groom.

There really can be no reason you allow a drink.

It will lead you back to where you came from, and worse.

KAD

If you were really struggling with whether or not this would be a good idea, would you be asking our thoughts? I think you already know the right answer and want us to convince you you're right. Go with your gut on this one. You ended up here because drinking is never a good idea for you anymore.

Happy 9th anniversary, BTW!

Anna

Happy Anniversary!

This is the time to start a new tradition of a nice dinner out with no alcohol.

Trouble1234

Order a virgin drink , Sweet and yummy and you will be fine!

Dee74

I'm not trying to be mean but you have nearly 100 posts here that I'm guessing would suggest the above statements are false.

It might be good to go back and read some of them, hereandnow? to remind yourself of what you're fighting for here?

Go out - have a good time sober - celebrate and be with your loved one and prove to yourself that you need not drink to have a memorable evening

I agree with Anna - time to start a new tradition

D

Taking5

I'll bet your husband like the sober you a lot better than the drunk you.

Hereandnow2

Was just hoping for anyone who might have certain events that tempt them. Feeling kind of frustrated by the negative remarks. As I said I will not drink but am feeling tempted so I'm posting. Isn't that what this site is for? Bringing up my 100 posts sounds shaming in some way to me

Applekat

I'll be dealing with the same temptation in a couple weeks!

Happy 9 yrs to us!

Dee74

Looking through my old posts helps me. I recommend it often to people.

A reinforcement of where alcohol had taken me helped take that itch away a few times - I thought it might help you too, and leave you to focus on having a great evening with your hubby.

I've had many a special moment with my partner where there was no booze involved at all. I think it makes those moments even more special.

I wasn't trying to be negative and I certainly had no intention of shaming you, hereandnow2.

My sincere apologies

D

dwtbd

Happy anniversary
I think everyone's comments were aimed at the "temptation" and not the "temptee". When I decided to stop drinking I went on a vacation the next week, talk about tempted. But like you I decided I wasn't going to drink and didn't , have a great dinner and don't skip dessert

DuhDave

Sounds to me you're looking for someone's approval to have a drink on this special occasion. I don't think you will find it here. Just don't drink !

Hereandnow2

Thanks dee, I'm sorry for my defensiveness!

firstymer

44 days is not long enough to be comfortable with an event like you describe. It's ok to be tempted. It's just your AV, trying to gain a foothold. If you can just try to think through how you will feel about yourself if you drink, and if you don't, I think you will be just fine.

Happy Anniversary, Hereandnow2 - both for the 9 years and for the 44 Days!

Dollyangel17

I know how it can feel. I was only 2 weeks sober when me and my hubby went out to dinner for our anniversary. Although I was a tad fidgety with my hands (didn't quite know what to do with them not being wrapped around a wine glass stem), we still had a lovely meal.

The best part? A sober year passed and before I knew it we were out celebrating our anniversary again in a restaurant without the slightest bit of that fidgety nonsense, and had a fabulous time!!!!! I look forward to many sober anniversaries now.

So I get the nervousness, but hang in there...the best is yet to come!

Serenidad

Hereandnow,

Here's my story in a nutshell....I got a DUI in 2008 and it really scared me. I stayed sober for almost 6 years. My husband continued to drink. He is a normal drinker....not an alcoholic.

Anyway, for nearly 6 years I resented him. I felt like I was "less than" because I couldn't drink with him anymore like we had done in the past. I felt like I wasn't as fun or interesting. Blah blah blah. I can't tell you how many times we fought over this.

We have been married for more than 17 years. Finally, last October I decided to have a beer after almost 6 years of sobriety. I went to a bar with my husband and said "well...if he's not going to quit drinking and fit into MY sober world...I will just drink and try to fit into HIS". What a joke! The first night I had one beer. A week later I had 2 and on and on.

Fast forward 9 months and I was drinking exactly like I was in 2008...maybe worse. I wish I had never taken that drink and so does my husband! He likes me a lot better sober than drunk.

Let me say, I completely understand your feelings because I have been there! It sucks! BUT....now that I compare my 6 sober years with my 9 months of drinking on and off. I am fighting to get my sobriety back because it was SO much better! I took it for granted.

Message me anytime. I understand.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

soberclover

I identified with what you said about drinking and feeling more connected to your partner. I've been sober for almost 20 months and I often times have thought that we haven't been as close since I've stopped drinking. I could be right...I could be wrong. All I know is that I need to be sober. If I'm right that we haven't been as close because I stopped drinking; then I'm sure in time I will examine that. I'm a fan of starting new traditions. I think you are doing great bringing this up; thank you for this post

KAD

Ya know, I colmpletely glossed over that part when I first read your post. Sorry about that. But it does confirm that you already know it would be a bad idea to drink. I do get the conflicted feelings about whether, under certian circumstances, having a drink or 2 makes you a more pleasant person, and if we could keep it at that, it very well might. Problems is none of us can keep it at that, no matter how badly we wish we could. A pickle can never be a cucumber again.

ccam1973

Hereandnow, after 32 days sober I made a terrible choice to have a drink on mt 10 year anniversary. That was june 5th. It only took one week and I was worse off than ever.

In stead of starting to drink at 11 in the morning I was justifying starting at 9:30. Like many here i don't have an "off switch" and cant stop drinking after the first one. That one anniversary drink led to many unwarranted arguments, lost memories with my kids, driving drunk, and feeling miserable about myself.

I'm on day 8 again and these 8 days were just as tough as the first attempt to quit. This time I'm done for good. There will always be an anniversary, birthday, holiday, or any number of reasons to convince ourselves to drink.

It's not worth the pain. Congratulations on your sober days and happy anniversary. Don't let yours turn out like mine did. I ruined my anniversary and the month that followed. For me, the fun of drinking ran out years ago.

Good luck!

melki

We had a very special dinner date last night and the first topic I opened up to read here today is this one. It's meant to be so I'm sharing! This was one of the BEST dinners we enjoyed in ages. My husband asked me beforehand if it's okay if he drinks because he couldn't imagine going out to a fancy restaurant and not ordering something alcoholic. I told him I knew I wouldn't drink, I would love if he'd share some new sober experiences with me, but I would be fine if he chose to drink, and I meant it. I have to say I was excited when he ordered sparkling water too! We really enjoyed the good bread and fabulous entries and then ordered three kinds of desserts (now have leftovers to enjoy with our morning tea). We talked and talked and talked and definitely got closer. Turns out we didn't need booze for that! Just sitting down without distractions, enjoying the food and talking was enough. For one second I did miss the taste of wine with the bread, but I just noted that thought and didn't dwell on it. I also remembered that after that one glass the floodgates would open and that damning thirst for more would kick in and most definitely ruin everything.

Hope this helps and hope you have a fantastic anniversary and a very pleasant dinner!