rubyslippers

Hi everyone. I just thought I'd take a moment to post here...it's been awhile. I spent 60 days in treatment the summer before last for alcoholism and sex/love addiction. Although I managed to stay dry for over a year, I didn't take the necessary actions to stay clean and sober. I didn't go to meetings or get a sponsor. I went back to my home instead of transitioning into a sober living community. Bottom line, I thought I had this thing licked. Big mistake!

During that year, although I was "dry," I was not in recovery. As a result, I became profoundly depressed and unable to function or even get out of bed most days. My solution to maintaining sobriety was to isolate myself away from the world and alcohol. I didn't realize at the time that drinking was merely a symptom of a larger problem- I had a HUGE thinking problem! The end result was a life-changing relapse. My world will never be the same.

My husband of 12 years divorced me and took custody of our 9-year old daughter. I was forced to leave a comfortable and secure home, bankrupt and afraid. One night on a drinking binge I was sexually and physically assaulted. The final straw was when I lost my job. At that point, I was putting whatever substances I could get my hands on into my body- benzos, cocaine, pot, opiates...you name it! It goes without saying that a day rarely went by when I was not drinking.

Just when I thought things could not get any worse, my boyfriend broke up with me. All I knew was that I wanted to die. That feeling continues to come and go although I refuse to leave a legacy of suicide for my daughter to bear. Completely desperate and my life in shambles, I reached out to a woman in the recovery community who was kind to me many months ago. She invited me to admit my powerlessness over alcohol and to give myself in earnest to a program of 12-step recovery. That was 8 days ago.

I picked up my 24-hour chip on Monday, July 7 and asked a woman to sponsor me that same night. Since then, I have been attending 2 AA meetings a day and calling my sponsor often. I've already met several women in the program and we've been meeting for dinner/coffee, etc just about every day. When I feel like giving up, I call another woman who's been through it. I'm amazed at the kindness, patience, and generosity of the people in this program. I'm about to walk out the door to go to a meeting, but I wanted to reach out and connect with others on this forum. My friend in recovery keeps saying that I have to tell on my disease. It wants to silence me, once and for all, but I am determined to keep fighting it, one day at a time.

Trouble1234

Congratulations !!! I am so happy for you, Keep your head up and be STRONG. Better days are coming to you. We all have rough patches in life, But what does not kill us makes us STRONGER !!! HUGS <3

Dee74

I'm really sorry you had to go through all that, but I'm glad you're back ruby

D

Anna

I hope that you continue moving forward. And, there's lots of support here.

rubyslippers

Thanks everyone! It's good to know this resource exists. I keep hearing from those with a lot of sobriety that my obsession with drinking will eventually be lifted. This is a spiritual problem that demands a spiritual solution and I've finally been blessed with the gift of desperation. I know life is going to get better and I don't have to ride that elevator any further down.

1newcreation

That's an amazing story of returning home where you belong. It's truly a blessing to even hear the attitude in the writing! Good that have sponsor & network of women surrounding to encourage you forward
Look @ this as an experience instead of regret so can use it in a story on future birthdays
Brilliant

Gottalife

"During that year, although I was "dry," I was not in recovery. As a result, I became profoundly depressed and unable to function or even get out of bed most days. My solution to maintaining sobriety was to isolate myself away from the world and alcohol. I didn't realize at the time that drinking was merely a symptom of a larger problem- I had a HUGE thinking problem! The end result was a life-changing relapse."

Wonderful post Ruby. The exact same thing happened to me after getting out of treatment. I call it the spiritual malady. Totally crippling, I couldn't function in the world, and alcohol was the only thing that seemed to fix it, until it didn't.

I found the same solution as you eventually, and gave it everything I had (effort that is). I haven't needed to drink since. That was Feb 1980. And I gottalife so much better than I could have imagined. It works.

I look forward to more posts from you Ruby, as you discover this new life

PurpleKnight

Welcome back!!

rubyslippers

Thanks, everyone! This is a tough thing but I know now that I don't have to go through it alone. Since my insane thinking and egotistical self-reliance got me into this mess, I'm taking a different route out. I want to place my trust in my Higher Power and others who have walked this path before me- this is a process since I have HUGE trust issues. What I'm hearing is that I don't have to reinvent the wheel or run against the wind anymore. If I keep it simple and honest, I believe I will come to know true peace- something which I've desperately sought but which has thus far eluded me. I am grateful for all of you and we can do this together!