Need some quick advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cape Coral, FL
Posts: 2
Need some quick advice
We have a dilemma here and I'm hoping some of you can tell us what you think we should do.
My step son (age 38) has had drinking probems for years and has hit the bottom finally. He flew here to our house with a one way ticket and we were shocked when we saw him. He weighs barely 100 lbs and he's 6'5" tall....totallly emaciated, said he couldn't see right, his vision was all blurry, and they got him off the plane in a wheelchair because he could barely stand up from weakness. In a nutshell he's a very sick guy right now; confessed to not having eaten any food for the last 3 weeks and drinking heavily. Plans on de-toxing here at our house with some pills a doctor gave him up north. I told my husband (who is the only one in the family still bailing this "kid" out financially and otherwise.....everyone else learned their lesson and wrote him off) that he should be doing this in rehab....where he'll have some kind of medical supervision and be with people that know what their doing, and will be able to help him. Also I think he should stay in rehab for the full course (30 days or whatever it is).....the last time he came here for our "help" he checked himself out after 2 days, and during the 2 weeks he was here, my husband dragged him to an AA meeting every night. Stayed sober during that time, but as soon as he flew back home he headed for the first bar and that was the end of that.
I think we should make him go back to rehab now, while he's at this physical and mental low point.....and give him the ultimatum that he stay the course for 30 days and then we'll help him get a normal life back when he gets out.....on the condition that he continues going to AA meetings. And if he doesn't, we'll buy him a one way ticket back north and he can do whatever he's going to do anyway. My husband thinks it would be cruel to do this to him. I think if let him stay here the way he is now, it will only be a matter of time before he starts drinking again. He looks like death warmed over right now......I mean really really sickly looking.....what's going to happen to him the next time he hits this low?
What should we do? Thanks for listening and sorry this was so long...
Whatalife
My step son (age 38) has had drinking probems for years and has hit the bottom finally. He flew here to our house with a one way ticket and we were shocked when we saw him. He weighs barely 100 lbs and he's 6'5" tall....totallly emaciated, said he couldn't see right, his vision was all blurry, and they got him off the plane in a wheelchair because he could barely stand up from weakness. In a nutshell he's a very sick guy right now; confessed to not having eaten any food for the last 3 weeks and drinking heavily. Plans on de-toxing here at our house with some pills a doctor gave him up north. I told my husband (who is the only one in the family still bailing this "kid" out financially and otherwise.....everyone else learned their lesson and wrote him off) that he should be doing this in rehab....where he'll have some kind of medical supervision and be with people that know what their doing, and will be able to help him. Also I think he should stay in rehab for the full course (30 days or whatever it is).....the last time he came here for our "help" he checked himself out after 2 days, and during the 2 weeks he was here, my husband dragged him to an AA meeting every night. Stayed sober during that time, but as soon as he flew back home he headed for the first bar and that was the end of that.
I think we should make him go back to rehab now, while he's at this physical and mental low point.....and give him the ultimatum that he stay the course for 30 days and then we'll help him get a normal life back when he gets out.....on the condition that he continues going to AA meetings. And if he doesn't, we'll buy him a one way ticket back north and he can do whatever he's going to do anyway. My husband thinks it would be cruel to do this to him. I think if let him stay here the way he is now, it will only be a matter of time before he starts drinking again. He looks like death warmed over right now......I mean really really sickly looking.....what's going to happen to him the next time he hits this low?
What should we do? Thanks for listening and sorry this was so long...
Whatalife
Sweet, yet, Deadly
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Rock Hill
Posts: 40
I think, and please dont quote me, that he wants to be close to people he can trust! i almost moved back to NY from SC bc i needed my mommy. it is hard. i really dont know what to say all in all, except god bless and good luck! i really hope he gets better and you can be strong with him!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cape Coral, FL
Posts: 2
the only ones left for him
You're right, we are the last ones he has left. His mother, 2 brothers, girlfriends, and mothers of his 3 children had enough of him and basically won't even communicate with him. But is the best way to "help" him let him stay here and do it "his" way AGAIN? Which hasn't worked in the past......or insist he detox in the rehab facility and stay the course there?
Whatalife
Whatalife
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
The thing is, now he is in your home. You and your husband don't agree on what is best and the son wants to do it his way.
My opinion? He needs to go to a hospital or at least a doctor. 6'5" and 100 pounds is not healthy, you don't really know what he has been doing...he could be ill from something other than too much alcohol. I would be frightened by what you describe.
He can detox, he can then go to rehab (30 days does not rehab make) and then he can start to put his life together....or not. Only time will tell.
Please get him checked out.
Hugs,
JT
My opinion? He needs to go to a hospital or at least a doctor. 6'5" and 100 pounds is not healthy, you don't really know what he has been doing...he could be ill from something other than too much alcohol. I would be frightened by what you describe.
He can detox, he can then go to rehab (30 days does not rehab make) and then he can start to put his life together....or not. Only time will tell.
Please get him checked out.
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Hey there! I am sorry you are going through such a rough time. My prayers are with you. I replied to this post because I work in the medical feild and have seen pt's going through detox. . Given the poor condition he seems to be in according to your post I would offer that he needs to be at a facility where there are professionals that can monitor him.
1. He's malnourished and his physical condition is poor opening him to a list of possible complications. His liver may be damaged and may have difficulty removing toxins from his blood.
2. People withdrawing from an addictive substance often will suffer DT's these can be scary to see. They may hallucinate, see bugs on the walls and react to that. One pt in particular I saw one time was convinced that bugs were all over his room and proceeded to rip the towel bar down out of the bathroom and went after an employee with it. In an controlled environment they can sedate him if needed. Since everyone handles detox differently this may not be the case for your family member.
Not to mention the individual and group counseling he could get.
But I wish you the best in your decision and I hope everything works out for you and your family. Best Wishes Teggie
1. He's malnourished and his physical condition is poor opening him to a list of possible complications. His liver may be damaged and may have difficulty removing toxins from his blood.
2. People withdrawing from an addictive substance often will suffer DT's these can be scary to see. They may hallucinate, see bugs on the walls and react to that. One pt in particular I saw one time was convinced that bugs were all over his room and proceeded to rip the towel bar down out of the bathroom and went after an employee with it. In an controlled environment they can sedate him if needed. Since everyone handles detox differently this may not be the case for your family member.
Not to mention the individual and group counseling he could get.
But I wish you the best in your decision and I hope everything works out for you and your family. Best Wishes Teggie
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Rices Landing, PA
Posts: 2
Your step son needs medical care. He needs to go to a hospital to be checked out. He may need medication for depression that will help him get through the tough time that he is going through. I am sure he needs support of family also, but if it was my family member I would insist that he get to a hospital for an evaluation.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi whatalife,
He's 38. He has to take responsibility for his decisions and behaviors. You can offer him help, but if he doesn't want it, there is nothing you can do. As for your own sanity and serenity, you can decide what is and isn't acceptable behavior in your own home. We can't control the alcoholic, we can't cure them, and we can't control them. Learning to detach with love is one of the most valuable lessons that Al-Anon has given me. I can take care of myself without condemning the alcoholic. By trying to protect and control them, we keep them from experiencing the results of their behavior. This can prevent them from seeking something better for themself. I know this is a painful and scary time. Al-Anon meetings and literature might make it easier for you to get through, but there are no magic cures for the alcoholic. I will be praying for you and your family. Hugs, Magic
He's 38. He has to take responsibility for his decisions and behaviors. You can offer him help, but if he doesn't want it, there is nothing you can do. As for your own sanity and serenity, you can decide what is and isn't acceptable behavior in your own home. We can't control the alcoholic, we can't cure them, and we can't control them. Learning to detach with love is one of the most valuable lessons that Al-Anon has given me. I can take care of myself without condemning the alcoholic. By trying to protect and control them, we keep them from experiencing the results of their behavior. This can prevent them from seeking something better for themself. I know this is a painful and scary time. Al-Anon meetings and literature might make it easier for you to get through, but there are no magic cures for the alcoholic. I will be praying for you and your family. Hugs, Magic
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