Head spinning
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Northeastern US
Posts: 122
Head spinning
ExABF came to visit DD last night.
He was acting weird. I suspect he had been drinking, but do not know for certain.
He asked me, in front of DD, if he went to rehab, could we get back together. I said no, and retreated to my aveeno tub (thanking God for my poison ivy).
But it made my head spin. I've been trying to *not* think about it, but I keep going over it. I did the right thing, I was honest. I think in the past, I would have assumed that he wanted to get together and so that must be the best thing to do and said Ok or We can talk about it. I feel, I don't know, mean (?) saying no, out right. But it was the truth. Why do I feel bad for telling the truth? I wasn't mean about it. He was crying. And I was just like, what if he does something crazy and had to keep reminding myself that I'm not responsible for his actions. Why would I ever think that I was?
I hate this whole codie bs. I just want to shake a stick at everyone, from now on until forever. Get off my lawn! Don't come too close to my crazy bubble, I'll suck you in and try to fix you, too. But I guess I just want to shake a stick at myself, really. Get your **** together, lady. You can only work on fixing yourself. Breathe.
He was acting weird. I suspect he had been drinking, but do not know for certain.
He asked me, in front of DD, if he went to rehab, could we get back together. I said no, and retreated to my aveeno tub (thanking God for my poison ivy).
But it made my head spin. I've been trying to *not* think about it, but I keep going over it. I did the right thing, I was honest. I think in the past, I would have assumed that he wanted to get together and so that must be the best thing to do and said Ok or We can talk about it. I feel, I don't know, mean (?) saying no, out right. But it was the truth. Why do I feel bad for telling the truth? I wasn't mean about it. He was crying. And I was just like, what if he does something crazy and had to keep reminding myself that I'm not responsible for his actions. Why would I ever think that I was?
I hate this whole codie bs. I just want to shake a stick at everyone, from now on until forever. Get off my lawn! Don't come too close to my crazy bubble, I'll suck you in and try to fix you, too. But I guess I just want to shake a stick at myself, really. Get your **** together, lady. You can only work on fixing yourself. Breathe.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
I think you did the right thing. Why lead him on with talking about it if that's not what you want.
It's hard to retrain ourselves to not be codependent and try to fix and appease everyone. It's going to feel uncomfortable for awhile because it's not your normal reaction.
It's hard to retrain ourselves to not be codependent and try to fix and appease everyone. It's going to feel uncomfortable for awhile because it's not your normal reaction.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Originally Posted by BodkinVanHorn 
ExABF came to visit DD last night.
He was acting weird. I suspect he had been drinking, but do not know for certain.
He asked me, in front of DD, if he went to rehab, could we get back together. I said no, and retreated to my aveeno tub (thanking God for my poison ivy).
But it made my head spin. I've been trying to *not* think about it, but I keep going over it. I did the right thing, I was honest. I think in the past, I would have assumed that he wanted to get together and so that must be the best thing to do and said Ok or We can talk about it. I feel, I don't know, mean (?) saying no, out right. But it was the truth. Why do I feel bad for telling the truth? I wasn't mean about it. He was crying. And I was just like, what if he does something crazy and had to keep reminding myself that I'm not responsible for his actions. Why would I ever think that I was?
I hate this whole codie bs. I just want to shake a stick at everyone, from now on until forever. Get off my lawn! Don't come too close to my crazy bubble, I'll suck you in and try to fix you, too. But I guess I just want to shake a stick at myself, really. Get your **** together, lady. You can only work on fixing yourself. Breathe.
He was acting weird. I suspect he had been drinking, but do not know for certain.
He asked me, in front of DD, if he went to rehab, could we get back together. I said no, and retreated to my aveeno tub (thanking God for my poison ivy).
But it made my head spin. I've been trying to *not* think about it, but I keep going over it. I did the right thing, I was honest. I think in the past, I would have assumed that he wanted to get together and so that must be the best thing to do and said Ok or We can talk about it. I feel, I don't know, mean (?) saying no, out right. But it was the truth. Why do I feel bad for telling the truth? I wasn't mean about it. He was crying. And I was just like, what if he does something crazy and had to keep reminding myself that I'm not responsible for his actions. Why would I ever think that I was?
I hate this whole codie bs. I just want to shake a stick at everyone, from now on until forever. Get off my lawn! Don't come too close to my crazy bubble, I'll suck you in and try to fix you, too. But I guess I just want to shake a stick at myself, really. Get your **** together, lady. You can only work on fixing yourself. Breathe.
you said no! that's great! Keep holding on to your boundaries! I wish I could be doing the same. I left ABF Sunday and hes pressuring me to give him a return date. I told him Friday, if he starts working a program. I don't want to come back ever. He keeps calling me crying, I hate the crying bs!
I like the shake a stick, get off my lawn mentality!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Learning to say no is really, really hard, even harder when you're starting with such an emotionally charged situation! But you did amazing. Doing the right thing (being honest, being true to yourself, putting your needs first) doesn't always feel great, but it gets better, and at the end of the day, denying your truth would feel a lot worse.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You made me smile this morning. You are taking yourself lightly and seriously. Really well done.
Oh, wait. Is that codie, too?
It took me years to not say, "he/she made me feel such and such." But you did make me smile. Meh.
Progress, not perfection.
Oh, wait. Is that codie, too?
It took me years to not say, "he/she made me feel such and such." But you did make me smile. Meh.
Progress, not perfection.
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