isitme

So, I’ve been given an opportunity to literally run away from my life. I feel scared to offer up to many details as I know this forum is public, but I have family that lives several states away which I’m going to visit shortly. People with available financial support have suggested I go and simply don’t return… Holy Crap.. talk about the hamster wheels spinning. What would you do?

It certainly would answer my question about.. How do you get from here to there…

HikerLady

LOL, I've actually been offered this a couple of times now from a couple of different people. If I had no attachments and chosen commitments I still felt I needed to personally honor to feel good about the change, I'd pack up my backpack and never look back.

biminiblue

Wow. That's pretty powerful.

If you ask and seek, the answer will appear.

Pray about it.

Blossom717

That is certainly an opportunity!

I would do it in a heartbeat, my only worry would be taking the kids out of state. I don't know what the laws and restrictions are about that. Look into first.

I'm happy for you that you have such a great support system!

bigsombrero

I think there is a difference between "running away" from your current life vs. "running towards" a more positive future. I believe that if you approach this opportunity as a progressive and growing step, it makes these type of decisions easier. It can become a healthy transition as opposed to an escape.

isitme

It certainly is running towards an future. It can be done. It's a matter of is it the right thing to do with two kids in tow? If it was just me I would have done it long ago.

marie1960

careful, removing kids from the state they reside without proper authorization could land you in some hot water.......... think they call that kidnapping in the court system.

I support you and your quest for a fresh start in life, you deserve it. Just be sure to do it in such a way that you will not have any emotional, or legal regrets.

I would consult with an attorney before proceeding, find out your rights, as well as legal obligation.

dandylion

I think bigsombrero's thoughts are worthy of close consideration.....

dandylion

isitme

I've certainly thought about that as well. Not that it's iron clad or anything of the sort, but two points to that are. A) We are not married (considered common law probably) B) some of the financial support offered included lawyers.

CodeJob

You have been on these boards 6 years dearheart.

Do you have some proof of life with your qualifier? I'd take it with you and bail. Figure out the legalities with a lawyer on the flip side.

Hugs!

isitme

Believe me... i think about that all the time. (how long I've been here, certainly years in between some posts) At this point its not about the leaving... because THAT is going to happen in the next few months for sure! No back peddling, no getting scared none of that. It's just about where.
I definitely prayed about it last night and could only come up with on day at a time, that I don't have to have ALL the answers right now. I do have a few things I could take with me, but nothing really concrete. Most of it just emotional abuse.

I'm not scared of leaving anymore. I'm just not sure if it's the right thing for the kids. I would have WAY more support back home which makes it a very attractive offer. I guess that's why I was curious if other people would take such a drastic (it feels that way to me) step?

PippiLngstockng

Way more support is a very good thing.

I left the continent and I have no family or old friends around. But I have good friends from the past four years that I have been there.

To me for the children I want: good schools, good friends, good support system, safe and healthy living environment. Where we live now we have all of the above. Although we have to function in another language, another culture and the support system is with newer friends, rather than family and old friends - so could be better.

The children are also happy when we are happy. So I stay where we are because that is where my happy is.

Do you know how schools, friends, and living environment are where you would be moving to? Sounds like the support is great, and that is huge.

Mango blast

I found that minimizing and normalizing these things is a natural part of the abuse. Awareness opened the floodgates for me and allowed me to start healing. Emotional abuse IS abuse. It's harder to pinpoint but every bit as damaging as physical abuse. Have you called or visited a local domestic violence center? The act of reaching out for help was very empowering to me.

What is good for the health of the parents is excellent for the health of the kids. We teach by our actions, not by our words. Seeking a better life and building a strong support system around you and your kids sounds very healthy. Trust your instincts. There are no fully wrong or right answers, just different paths. Which path seems to offer better opportunities for the life you want? Baby steps are okay and so is changing directions at a later time. Does this offer excite you? Scare you? Why?

ladyscribbler

I did it. My mom came to visit and saw how things were and offered to let me and DS5 stay with her. I took the plunge.
I did it by telling him and everyone else (including myself) that it was temporary. When he chose to continue drinking, I went ahead and made it permanent. It was the best thing I have ever done for myself and my children. It was also one of the hardest. But the peace and freedom are so worth it.
My ex and I weren't married either, so no worries on the kidnapping thing. Plus he was too far gone to do more than bluster and make empty threats.
Hugs. Whatever you decide, it will be what's right for you right now.

hopeful4

I can only say that I agree with Pippi above, take a good hard look at what life will be like two or three years from now. If you like how that may look....go for it in my opinion. Just make sure you are moving towards happiness for you and your children.

isitme

I have reached out to a DV shelter in the past. I saw a counselor there for a little while but it just felt like other people needed more help than I did. I discontinued. I did however find a new counselor the other day and one of the first things she said to me was.. why don't you take the kids and go? After that conversation I did realize the scope of my minimizing.

The offer both excites me and scares me. I guess part of me believes it can't be that easy. But it also seems like the answer to a prayer, not only mine, but my parents. I guess I'm so very scared of my own decision making. I think having someone question everything you do for 10 years will do that to you. I know it's BS.. but I kind of feel like I'm not qualified to make this kind of decision. Does that make sense? I know that I am, and I need to stand up and put my big girl panties on.

CodeJob

I like Lady Scribbler's idea to just go for a visit. You can make it permanent later as you see fit...

ladyscribbler

So glad others are mentioning the minimizing and denial that are part and parcel of living with any kind of abuse. I truly didn't know how much I'd been stifling and stuffing until I was clear of it for a couple of months. It was like a floodgate opened. My daily journal entries became novella length recitations of memories I had repressed in order to keep living and surviving in that environment. My self esteem was non existent. I was filled with anger and fear. I was totally depressed.
The temporary separation lasted nearly three months. I had all that time to grow and heal and most of all just breathe. I had forgotten what it was like to live without constant stress and guilt and walking on eggshells.
When I went back and found that he had not done anything he was supposed to, was still drinking and was, in fact, worse than ever, I had the strength to leave again for good.
I say, take at least some time away. That's really what saved me, was getting that distance from daily life with an active alcoholic. I was able to rebuild enough of my strength to make that tough, permanent decision. I have never regretted it.

redatlanta

I wonder how many times you have prayed to be out of this situation?

God does provide what we need when we need it. Yes, it can be that easy.

I can't say what is the right answer because I am not you, but don't psyche yourself out of it by thinking its too good to be true.

amy55

Me, I would go.

I also did.

I think the biggest thing here for you to consider is leaving with children. Get legal advice on that with moving into a different state.

When I was married I left many times, but I only went to a hotel or DV shelter. Financially I couldn't afford to move. Then an opportunity like this came up.

My friends had bought a house in another state, that they would live in once they retired. So they had 2 residences. They only came up on the weekends, and they offered me their house, free of rent. They just wanted me to save up money for my divorce, and to be able to eventually get my own place.

I jumped on that deal.

I think sometimes we just want approval that we are doing the right thing. I know I felt like I needed my exes approval on just about anything and everything. It's hard to make a decision when you really haven't been allowed to make decisions.

I also agree that going there "temporarily" might just be enough time to clear out your head and to get "his voice" out of your head. It took me awhile to do that, and if I didn't have this offer from my friends, I really don't know if I could have done it. Go on "vacation", see if you like it.

(((((((((hugs)))))))))