MamaCas

In a previous post I mentioned that I was letting go of my involvement in all this mess. Well...here I am again

I recently found out (not by my own investigation) that M (daugther's ex) is using again as a friend, who is a dental hygenist, told me he visited their office two weeks after he got out of rehab and was given hydrocodone. At the time, my friend was unaware of M's addiction. He left not paying the bill which is why the friend got me involved.

Here's my dilemma ... M is living with a 19 year old, 2 years clean, recovering meth addict. This girl is just going to be another one of his victims and I worry she will be his drug buddy by the time all is said and done. While I understand it's her choice and if she's working her program she knows the risks of getting involved with a recovering addict, I can only imagine that he has conned her like he conned my daughter. Therefore, I don't think she is making decisions based on correct information. Is there anything that can be done to warn her? I'm not suggesting that I or my daughter contact her. I don't really know what I'm suggesting. I just feel bad for her if this takes her back down a road she was trying to avoid. I know who her sponsor is ... what about talking with her??? The thing is the girl put it on fb so I'm guessing her sponsor already knows? Maybe I should just stay out of it??? Imagine that ;D

carguysgirl

I don't have advice but would like to express support. It's a tough situation and i can see where you'd be tempted to try and help. Sometimes well intentioned actions aren't well taken-especially by potentially explosive young girls in love. You could face anger rather than thanks.
My bf has friends who are on Facebook with his H AD-they hesitantly once brought up a concern to my bf as he is not on Facebook. i am but not friends with his AD. We only responded with bafflement and a change of subject since my bf chooses to believe that every thing is fine.

needingabreak

Hi Mama. I get your reaction and wish to spare another person the heartache of being lied to and manipulated. Honestly I would also want to let the girl know because I wouldn't want to see her get hurt but I'm not sure that is the right answer. What is the saying "dont shoot the messenger?" I imagine just allowing her to figure it out for herself would be best. Being a recovered addict shouldn't she see the signs fairly quickly? Who knows, maybe she is secretly using again. I think just walking away would be best but others will come along and maybe have better advice for you. Just wanted to let you know I do understand why you feel the way you do.

biminiblue

Wow, you are worrying in three degrees of separation. That sounds like what I used to do.

I also got rid of the face site. What a colossal time waster and drama fest that was.

lovetohikect

Hey there... you know that phrase, "don't go borrowing trouble"? It sounds to me as if you've really gone through the wringer with your own situation and have finally figured out how to live with a healthy degree of loving detachment. Although obviously you are a sweet and kind person, who wants to save another person the sadness and frustration of living with an addict, it does seem (from this remove) as if you'd be sucked right back into another addiction-focused situation which you'll be even more powerless to affect.

Hugs today,
Jane

MamaCas

Ya'll are so right! Thanks

I can't spend the rest of my life chasing after people he might hurt. I'm sad for this girl and I will be praying for her.

AND biminiblue ... fb has alot to do with why I couldn't let go. Seeing all that stuff on there just fueled my addiction to investigating!!! Movin' on

hopeful4

A person like that will leave a trail of victims behind. It's not your job to keep up with. Glad you are moving on, you have enough heartache without adding some more!

Hugs!!!

MamaCas

Well, we were moving on and doing a pretty good job of it. The baby turned 1 last weekend and we had a huge party! M showed up (uninvited) a couple hours before the party ... actually he hid in his car around the corner while his "friend" came to the door pretending like he was delivery guy (had three balloons). M's parents were invited, they came, took tons of pictures and a video. Not long after the party, a friend (who is still fb friends with M), noticed all the party pictures on M's fb. He wrote a post about how wonderful the party was etc as if he were there. We were SO mad at his parents for sending all that to him!!! It's all about perception. The balloons were just for show.

So, we got a call Friday night that M has been arrested. We check the local police website and sure enough ... possession of Xanax, Oxycodone, drug paraphernalia, and public intox. He's been in jail since Friday and doesn't have court until Thursday. I'm shocked but his parents left him there. As mad as I've been at them, I know this must have been hard and I do empathize with them. M's mom came to our town on Sunday to get his things from the apartment of the girl I mentioned above. I guess that was an eye opener as M had been telling his mom her lived in a sober living home.

I'm wondering if he'll get jail time? He's on probation for theft and at the time of that incident was found with narcotics but somehow wasn't charged with a drug related crime. So, I'm not sure if this time he's considered a first-time offender or how that all works. He had outstanding warrants for traffic violations/failure to appear at the time of this current arrest. Our county has the drug court program so maybe they'll just sentence him to that??

I guess now would be a good time to meet with the lawyer again. Might be able to speed up the process of having his future parental right removed?? Then maybe, just maybe, we can truly be finished with all this!!!!

queenapple

Do you have custody of your grandchild? If not, shouldn't this be your daughter's decision and her actions to take, rather than yours? You might be too enmeshed in this situation, although, as a grandparent, I completely understand. But what does your daughter think?

MamaCas

My daughter has custody of him and she is the one making all the decisions related to her son. They live with us and when she was with M he lived with us too. She saw a lawyer a couple months ago because she wanted to know about having his future parental rights removed. In other words, if she marries she wants her husband to be able to adopt her son. The lawyer said if he went a year without paying child support she could file for abandonement but now with this arrest I was just wondering if she could speed up the process.

We have absolutely been too involved in this sitatuion BUT wherever our grandson is concerned, my husband and I know it's not our place to make decisions for him.