baby3times

So I recently left my bf, and now he is planning on staying at his dads, ( also place where he'd run to to get drugs when he left me and my kids, its his safe place to go close to all his druggy pals) where hell have more access to his drug, and even now says he can be around people doing his drug (meth) and it won't effect him he says its his choice to quite others around on drugs won't hurt him. Also even mentioned getting a place with his family member who is a meth addict and there not working any kind of program.

I tild him stay close to me and ur kids like 10 or less mins away, he can come over whenever he wants to see them and illl try to show support to him as well, but he chooses to go to his dads 30 mins away! And is saying all this other stuf about how he could livve with a meth dealer and if he wants sober he could do it....

Now am I crazy or does this sound like he's not ready to change? As soon as he gets out of rehab hell be doimg same old crap?
Please tell me what u think cause I'm pretty worn out over him and feel like I need to just get him out of my life!

baby3times

Seems to me if he wanted to be sober he'd live close to his family(kids&me) and would take the opportunity I offered about him beimg able to come over whenever, and be further away from the people he knows imfluences him on drugs!

jjj111

I think you should trust your gut. The fact that he is considering moving in with an active addict who is abusing his drug of choice is a huge red flag. He is showing you who he is right now, and maybe it's a blessing for you. It least you know that it's not really a good time to have him living close to you and opening your home for him to visit whenever he wants, if this is how it's going to be.

biminiblue

^^This says it all.

It's not going to change: he's delusional if he thinks he is going to live with users and stay clean. More likely he's just lying to you.

You would be better off staying completely away from him. All he has to offer is chaos.

So sorry this has happened. Take care of you and your child(ren), that's going to be difficult enough without an addicted adult child to deal with as well.

BlueChair

Can he afford to stay close to you, but live on his own at this moment? Im reading he is looking for somewhere to stay and justifying he will be ok around these people. Personally I think he sounds overconfident in his ability to be around drugs and drug users, but I cant speak to his intent.

GardenMama

From what I have learned, addicts in active recovery don't want to be anywhere near the people and places that might trigger a possible relapse. It seems quite likely he plans to keep using. I support you following your instinct--that he's not ready to be sober--and listen to your own wisdom/intuition--you are tired of his behavior and need to get over him. Take care of yourself, and focus on your kids now without the hassle of a meth user. If he gets clean, you can reconsider any decisions you make now.

zoso77

B3T, I'm going to intrerpret this sentence as giving me permission to be honest with you. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Get rid of him. Now. For good. Sayonara. Adios.

There is no evidence -- and I mean none -- that he's ready to become a resonsible adult, especially to himself. By contrast, your sentence above provides evidence that you're sick of his act. Therefore, since he's likely not going to change, and you're sick of his sh*t, get rid of him.

And yes, it will hurt. It will suck. And there will be moments where you may question your decision.

Don't.

Emotional pain, provided you take the steps to heal yourself, goes away with time. Trust me on this.

baby3times

well he was telling me before he was going to cut those people out of his life to make sure he could stay sober. Hes admitted to me he cant be around it. It just drives me crazy hes thinking and acting so ignorant!

I suppose maybe it could be his reason for staying at his dads would be not being alone? but I don't think it would make a difference being here or there, or it could be that he doesn't want to stay at a sober living house or homeless shelter, but Itd be better for him.

I suppose I'm thinking like I would think if I wanted to stay sober, and I def would want to be as close to my kids as possible.

Idk I suppose there could be a lot of reasons behind his decisions, but it seems like tome itd be better to be around here then over there either way.

I wrote him a letter asking for his to explain his decisions so I suppose well see, I just think itll be full of excuses,and non-valid reasons for his reasons to go there.

Thanks for your guys responses, I suppose either way Ill find out how serious he is hen he either ends up staying sober or just ends up doing his drugs again.

incitingsilence

Red flags a flying everywhere!

And the truth will be shown when he leaves rehab. He should be presented with options as well as he leaves. You will definitely know then what his intentions are. How ready or not he actually was. No future tripping, it isn’t good for you to be stressing like this.

You made your decision today as to what is best for you and the kids. You left, you know why you did and why you had too. That was you saving yourself and them. His choices will be known soon enough and since you have no control over them, why drive yourself crazy worrying or wondering...

Your instincts are dead on. His arrogance is not a good sign, nor his talk … I do hope you know you don‘t have to speak to him, and you can choose not to in this moment as well.

Keep taking good care of you and move on with your life as peacefully and stress free as possible.

Take care.

hopeful4

I am sorry to say, the mess he is in is about to grow even bigger. He is doing things to ensure he can continue in his addiction. Meth is hard to kick even with help.

I say let him go, take good care of you and your babies!

baby3times

I'm so afraid of him just doing way worse. I wish I could have some control. I just want my kids to have there dad, but my mom says there life could be better without him in it.

I tell myslef if he wants that life its not my fault I've tried and tried and I can't keep stressing myslef out over his actions.

I have some kind of plan in my head if he messes up more and I know its hard to put it into action and I'm scared I wont do it because part of me wishes and has hope that hell still change. Idk its hard and I'm trying to do what's best its just hard, and the voice always questioning ur decisiins makea it all that much harder.

Ksgirl

You never know what beautiful plans the future has in store for you. You DO know how ugly life can be if it continues the way it has been...wishing you the best.

hopeful4

You cannot control him or his actions, only your reactions. It's good to have a plan. I always say, hope for the best, plan for the worst.

It's painful to fear for those we care about and are tied to. It's even harder when children are involved.

Praying for all involved! Take good care of you and your children!