amanda39

My brother is coming home tomorrow. He was in one rehab for 5 months, relapsed and was kicked out, went to another rehab where he's been for 1 month, and is most likely getting kicked out for fighting tomorrow.

He was getting an opportunity to get his life on track at both programs before getting kicked out. GED classes, army recruiters.

My mother is letting him come back to our house, which means I will need to pack my bags and leave tomorrow. A little over a year ago I found my brother OD'ed and nearly dead. I left then, too, and didn't come home until he went into rehab. While I was glad to be there that day, I can't live in a house where I walk in scared to find him dead every day, even though I feel guilty for not being there.

While I'm old enough, I financially can't get on my feet right now to get a place of my own, which means I'll be living uncomfortably and anxiously with friends until I can (I don't know when that will be. I have a job but not one that's steady after summer ends.).

Any advice would be helpful. I'm totally lost.

chicory

Amanda, this is a tough one, for sure. It is obvious you care about your brother.

I don't blame you for leaving, as your peace matters. Have your parents looked into other places he could stay?

keep posting, we care, and perhaps can help you deal with this , as many have been through this very thing.

I hope you can find work enough to make things easier for yourself.

Ann

Keep looking for work, Amanda, even if you need to take two jobs for a while. Being financially independent will bring you security and peace and a feeling of accomplishment.

I hope your brother brings sobriety with him when he returns, but you are wise to remove yourself from the chaos.

Hugs

zoso77

Not as lost as you think. You've made a very, very difficult decision that being under the same roof as your brother isn't good for you. And given his recent track record, that's a good call. So I don't think you're lost at all in that regard.

Just do your best to find a job, and that unsettled feeling that you have won't be as intense.

amanda39

Thank you everyone. Chicory, I think we've exhausted all of our resources in the past few years with places he can stay. I just feel like, besides me having to leave, this is just yet another signal to him from my mom that he can do whatever he wants, not commit to making a recovery, and still have the doors wide open for him here. Why would he even bother getting better?

hopeful4

My heart hurts for you. Do you have open communication with your parents that they know you plan to leave? How awful for you.

You have a very good head on your shoulders, and very good boundaries. Unfortunately you are correct that this will likely just be another cycle for him. He had chances and did not take them.

I hope you check out every resource you can around you and get the help you need to get you on your feel.

Keep us updated, praying for you!

Lovenjoy

hi amanda, sorry you are part of the collateral damage of addiction and grateful you found SR. both for you and for me... you are a true power of example and i agree with Zoso, you are not as lost as you think.

removing yourself from a front row seat to his chaos is huge! i mean huge! it shows an understanding of what you are faced with and the maturity to know you can only take care of you... i can tell it is not an easy thing to do and there will be struggles to get on an even keel but you are doing it and you are worth it and i am hugely impressed! and i for one among many here will be sending good thoughts and keeping you in prayer that miracles will happen for you.

another reason i say you are not really lost is your quote above - why indeed... it took me a lot of time and work to understand i needed to get out of my ras's way, let him fall, let him have serious consequences for his choices - make it hard to be comfortable in his addiction. wish i had learned it sooner...

please let us know how you are doing. you are not alone and your journey has already been an inspiration to me...

needingabreak

HI Amanda I am so glad you found us but very sorry for the reason. I agree with Zoso that you are much wiser than you could possibly know! Being a parent of a RAS, I know how hard it is to do the tough love bit but I have to agree that if your brother knows he can come home anytime it is easy for him to get kicked out and may be doing so on purpose. Once he is faced with no roof over his head, food or clothing he may sing a different tune. It took us a long time though to get to that point with our own son so while I very much feel for you, I also understand it is very hard for your parents to make that difficult decision. The sad thing is, it really helps the addict to come to terms with their addiction much quicker and they make their own tough choice. Live on the street or get the help they are offered and have a chance at life.

I am so sorry you have to move out and face hardship but I think it is the wisest move you could make. I am not sure how young you are but are there friends who live home whose parents would take you in? I did this once for my son's friend when he had trouble. Are you going to college? Is there work there you can pick up? Another job if not going to college that could help pay for your bills?

I applaud your strength and courage and believe you will find a way and get help so you can become self reliant. You sound like a very strong girl. Please keep us informed. We are a very caring and compassionate bunch here!

Raider

Excellent that you recognize what you need. Blessings to you.