Popper

Hi guys,

I've been lurking here the last few weeks while going through the first stages of sobriety and thought now was probably a good time to sign up.

I'm now 40 years old and have been at various stages of alcoholism for the last 20 years or so, for the last 10 I've been an 8 strong cans of beer per evening.

For the last year I've been concerned about my health, something hasn't been right and stupidly I thought drinking to put the worries to the back of my mind was the best thing to do.

Not sure what happened 3 weeks and 1 day ago but I woke up and thought enough is enough, poured what beer I had in the house down the sink and have not touched a drop since. The first 3 or 4 days were awful with an irregular heart beat and intense perspiration, when that settled down I left a strange depression, almost felt like mourning a missed loved one. This passed within a couple of days and within a week of cessation I started to feel energy like I'd not felt in a long time.

This last few years I was suffering with quite bad depression and never thought the alcohol could be the cause. I considered everything including bipolar/SAD/loss of my closest friend and relative a few years ago and a crappy ex relationship which ended late last year. The fact of the matter is that this last few weeks I've been right as rain. I've gone and purchased some weights and an exercise bike and am feeling better, both mentally and physically than I have done since I was in my teens I'm sure.

I'm not sure why, but even during that first few days I did not crave alcohol, now I realise it was messing with my head so much I don't think I will ever crave to feel like that again for any reason.

A lot of the posts I've read on here recently have truly touched my heart and I've been sitting here crying my eyes out reading other peoples experiences when I realise how lucky I've been. I've managed to hold onto and even progress into a really good job and have never been in trouble with the police. When I look at some of the states I've been in over the years it could have been so different.

Sorry about such a long winded 1st post guys, I've not spoken to anybody about all this and guess it's been bottled up for an awfully long time.

Anna

I'm glad you're managing well with your life, and especially glad that you have stopped drinking. Good for you! And, I'm glad that your depression is lifting and you're feeling good.

least

Welcome and congrats on 22 days sober.

I'm glad you joined us. There's a lot of support here.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Popper!! It's great to have you here!!

Popper

Thank you Anna. This forum has inspired me so much this last few weeks I hope I can give something back. If even 1 person can take something from my story and benefit from it I'll be over the moon.

I know things are far from over for me and the demons are just around the corner but the one thing I've come to realise is that the problems (mainly money) I originally started drinking to avoid, disappeared many years ago. I was just never sober for long enough to realise that.

Popper

Thank you Least, much appreciated mate! I do feel slightly proud if I'm honest but long way to go

This forum has already helped me loads even though I never joined in until now and I want to give something back if I can.

Popper

Thank you very much Purpleknight, it's fab to be here to be honest.

hayley86

Welcome, congrats on 22 days! SR is an excellent resource.You'll find tons of support here. Glad you've joined us.

Tonymblue

Welcome. I felt the same way. Just telling my story to understanding, non-judgemental people has changed my whole outlook on my alcohol dependance. Its a crutch, but i can still walk without it.

feeling-good

Hi Popper! Glad you are here I am also 40 years old but, unfortunately, did have a run in with the police and bad times in the hospital and blah, blah, blah.... main thing is I am now sober almost 19 months and very very glad of it!! Stick around and post when you can

Popper

Sorry to hear about your bad experiences mate, 19 months though, fair play, brilliant job and you should be very proud!!

Even though I was lucky in some ways, in others I wasn't. The depression and anxiety were crushing for a long, long time and I think I was really confused about the person I was/am. I don't know whether denial had anything to do with it but I never thought my friend, alcohol would do anything to hurt me. (well apart from the usual) - Madness when I think about it now!

I've tried sobriety a couple of times over the years for different reasons (Usually driven by somebody else) and have never got beyond a week but the realisation that I've been made so unhappy and uncomfortable in my own skin by the very thing I thought was taking unhappiness away has made me want to abstain permanently.

All the best mate and I'll be hanging around!
Cheers,
Kev

Hevyn

Hi Kev. I'm so glad you decided to post. It helps so much to put it out there.

I felt all alone with my struggles until I found SR. I couldn't believe how many people felt exactly as I did. Not being alone anymore means everything. We're glad to have you here with us - well done on your 22 days of sober living!

Popper

Hi Hevyn,

Thank you very much indeed, it means a lot.

I completely agree, I've been reading loads on here the last few weeks and just knowing I'm not alone has made all the difference with putting things in perspective for me. I lived with my self imposed blinkers on for too long!

I've had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that things can't be as simple as they seem at the moment and hope by telling my "story" and educating myself as much as possible about this disease will help to sort out these lingering doubts and how I can try and put them to bed for good.

Thanks again,
Kev

HeadLump

A very warm welcome to you, Kev It is great to have you on board

Congratulations on your 22 days - a fabulous start

trachemys

But Kevin, it is that simple.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

I don't drink.

Popper

Thank you very much HeadLump, again very much appreciated. Fair play, I wish I'd found this forum years ago.

I'll be here a while!

Popper

Hi trachemys,

Thank you very much for that! Is this making sense now maybe?

I read the AVRT slides on day 2 I think after seeing a link to it here, I didn't like the sound of that horrid beast and told him to FO that night and declared myself a non drinker! It felt like it was having an effect on my subconscious mind at the time and reminded me a little bit of the hypnosis mp3 I used to help with sleeping a while back.

I'll be absolutely astounded if that's it.

feeling-good

Popper / Kev

Just popping in and saying hi - how are things going?

Popper

Evening F-G,

I'm still here, feeling great and counting in 25 days - I hope your feeling well?

Went out and signed up with a fitness club yesterday, that's one thing I wouldn't have imagined doing in a million years until this last few days. Been down there making a fool of myself tonight and stopped by to visit mum on the way home. She doesn't know the half of what's been going on as don't want to worry her but she's very happy to be seeing more of me this last couple of weeks. As I was leaving she said that she couldn't remember the last night she saw me looking so well. Brought a tear to my eye, thinking of all the years I've wasted but gave me extra energy to make up for it now while there is still time.

I promise I'm not going anywhere mate. Well, I promise I won't be going anywhere without making a "help" post in the main forum section first if I need to. This is the furthest I've come in so many years of wanting this, I'm not going to throw it away now if it takes everything I've got!

I'm really liking this sober lark! Was worried before about how I was going to fill my time without the drink, I'm wondering now how I ever had time to do it in the first place!

Thank you for checking up on me mate, really is appreciated.

Kev