redatlanta

After going through a relapse with Rah couple years ago I find that I question the obvious in situations now that have nothing to do with him.

This subject has been on my mind for the past two days as I am dealing with a business financial situation in which I am getting screwed. Or I think I am. I have no proof.

Why it is happening is my own fault as i let a friendship get in the way of handling a business transaction that normally I would have put in contract. All the signs are there - lies, avoidance, manipulation. I am chasing money down and getting drips and drabs here and there when I become more aggressive yet I have no idea if what I am being paid is what I am owed. Its concerning sales of a series of artwork that I worked on for a year by a well known photographer in my area. The series has been in a gallery for 10 months. My cut is 30% of the photographers commission.

- I am not told when something sells I have to ask
- I am not shown the commission check rather given a check which the photographer "figures" out
- I have to follow up at least twice after a sale to get paid, sometimes more.
- No work is delivered to a customer until it is paid in full. The gallery owner cuts checks to artists every two weeks yet I am always told that it could be months before she gets paid from the gallery.
- To date only 4 pieces have sold. This is a very poor result which certainly can happen yet a gallery is not going to take up room on their walls for work that is not moving - not for nearly a year.
- I was told of a sale in May that would complete in July. I contacted the artist 2 days ago to confirm sale. All questions were dodged. What she did state was the piece was delivered (sale confirmed). Then tried to say "who knows if they actually purchased, who knows when we will get paid", and refused to confirm sale price.

I have received two checks so far. Each time was with hassle to get paid. My gut tells me more work has sold than I know, and I may have been underpaid for what has been confirmed to me as sold.

Yet I question if I am wrong. Even with all this in front of my face because I have known this woman for 14 years as a friend and colleague and I keep saying to myself she wouldn't do this. Its a non ending circle in my head of "yes she is" and "no she isn't" peppered by how illogical it is that she wouldn't pay me as she is VERY wealthy and no starving artist. I know that thieves can be anyone.

I did this same thing before I confirmed RAH was drinking. All the signs were there but I had no PROOF and I questioned it for months. Uggghh. I hate this feeling. I don't remember being like this before the relapse.

FireSprite

Do you think it's due to working on sharpening your ability to recognize your Gut Instincts in a way that you didn't have before the relapse? I know, for me, it's something I worked on specifically so I definitely know when my gut is telling me more than my eyes & ears are sensing & I've learned to factor it in just as heavily in my decision making at times.

redatlanta

You know fire sprite I am not sure. I think the wishy washy stems from being repeatedly challenged so many times during the relapse and at times thinking I was crazy. Always had a gut instinct. I suppose I feel the need for more concrete evidence rather than just trust what I know - observing that there is proof in lies and lack of transparency that all is not on the up and up.

I changed a lot after going through Al Anon and the relapse. For the better, but the result has been getting rid of several "friendships" that weren't, rather all give (me) and all take (them). I think this is another one and I don't feel like dealing with it. But I am also not going to dismiss this person is in hock to me 9k I am not going to write it off to avoid confrontation. Might need to go back to some meetings not wanting to confront this I see as a red flag.

Mango blast

If I were going to pursue it I would:

- work my self-care and meditation, to be clear headed and strong
- read How to Win Friends and Influence People, then find some practice situations to gain confidence
- sit down with her and go over what has been agreed on, timelines, etc., what you've provided and write up a contract -- perhaps now to include the gallery paying 30% of future profits to you directly.

Good luck with this. Even if she seems very wealthy, they could be having financial problems, she may be a skinflint and/or she may have turned it around in her mind that the original agreement wasn't fair to her and she doesn't see your value in this. None is right, but getting beyond those issues is why I'd read that book first and try to figure out how to get her back on your side, if at all possible. Trust your instincts. They are good. Getting a retroactive contract signed now at least will give you something solid if you decide to pursue mediation or other legal channels.

redatlanta

Thanks KTF. I have read the book though it has been many years a good suggestion. I do have some things in writing regarding my percentage just not a standard contract and my preference which would have been paid direct as you suggested. Will spend some time meditating and clearing my head. I'm mad right now and that doesn't work in my favor.

Mango blast

Mad might not be constructive, but it can be helpful in clearing the way for other things.

Any plans for fun time today?

Grief

My legacy from my deceased AH is a variation on Reagan's maxim: Trust but verify. I verify and then trust cautiously. Also, I will never ignore my gut again. Sometimes it takes me a minute to realize my gut is talking, though. I hate confrontation, but I am much more prompt to do it now. Thing is -- slippery is slippery and deceitful people remain deceitful even when confronted. I find. I guess it just makes me feel like less of a patsy.