life after alcohol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Sussex UK
Posts: 112
life after alcohol
Hi everyone, just a few thoughts about my fear that my life will be nothing without alcohol. I hate drinking and have tried many many times to get sobriety but I have this idea that it is the only thing I enjoy doing at the moment even though I know this is not true. I have suffered from depression most of my life and am currently on antidepressants. I know the alcohol is making things so much worse and with my constant anxiety I can only just manage to go to work. On days off which are 3 to 4 a week I drink from 6pm at night and don't feel like doing anything. I live in a lovely area which is new to me and there are so many things I could be doing. This time last year I was massively overweight and waiting for my admission date into detox and rehab which the UK government paid for and I was so massively grateful at the time. Now nearly 12 months later I am still drinking even though some of the weight has gone and I am back at work. I just seem to worry incessantly all the time and play out the very worst case scenarios in my head. I am also full of resentment and can play our conversations in my head that happened over 30 years ago.
I bought a car to travel around but even though I drove for years in Australia which is where I am from I have lost all my confidence and am frightened just driving up to the corner shop. I don't have a lot of family here ir back in Aus and not many friends. Certainly no one that knows about my drinking. I just wish that things would ease up a bit. My rehab was 3 months and like I said I was very grateful at the time but nothing really changed for me when I left.I was just stuck in a house with 7 other women and we attended workshops during the day. It wasn't easy and the worst thing is that I know that at least 2 of my peers relapsed when they were released just as I did. I sent Xmas cards with email addresses and phone numbers but nobody keeps in touch. I was really upset about one woman who had her 50th birthday in rehab as I did. I really really thought out of all of us that she would make it. I guess I don't understand the nature of addiction very well. Anyway guys, thanks for listening. Jude
I bought a car to travel around but even though I drove for years in Australia which is where I am from I have lost all my confidence and am frightened just driving up to the corner shop. I don't have a lot of family here ir back in Aus and not many friends. Certainly no one that knows about my drinking. I just wish that things would ease up a bit. My rehab was 3 months and like I said I was very grateful at the time but nothing really changed for me when I left.I was just stuck in a house with 7 other women and we attended workshops during the day. It wasn't easy and the worst thing is that I know that at least 2 of my peers relapsed when they were released just as I did. I sent Xmas cards with email addresses and phone numbers but nobody keeps in touch. I was really upset about one woman who had her 50th birthday in rehab as I did. I really really thought out of all of us that she would make it. I guess I don't understand the nature of addiction very well. Anyway guys, thanks for listening. Jude
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. When AA was my only hope I also missed the boat for about 2 years because I wanted to escape myself by drinking. In other words I wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober. Thing got so bad and painful I forced myself to try sobriety for 90 days and if I didn’t like it my misery would be refunded.
Many years later I wouldn’t trade being sober for anything.
I was undisciplined so it took awhile to clear the cobwebs and accept help and friendships. It works IF we work it.
BE WELL
Many years later I wouldn’t trade being sober for anything.
I was undisciplined so it took awhile to clear the cobwebs and accept help and friendships. It works IF we work it.
BE WELL
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
((((((jude)))))) 
When I think about the way I was and the way I thought when I was drinking and compare it to the way I am now, it is sometimes hard to appreciate that I am the same person! I am so much calmer, I appreciate everyone and everything around me so much more (including myself). I've discovered self esteem and treat myself kindly and with compassion. The 'joy' of drinking pales into insignificance against the joy of living a sober, fully conscious life.
This didn't happen overnight, of course, but certainly by the end of the first year. By reading here, I discovered Mindfulness and that has helped enormously. It might help you, too, to escape the manacles of the past. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle would be a good start, but any book on Mindfulness can help to change your thinking.
It is a truism, but a body just works so much better without alcohol. Antidepressants, too, will definitely be more effective when they are left alone to do what they're meant to do and not hijacked by wine!
It's not an easy road, but it is far, far more rewarding than any other I've walked down - and the longer you're on it, the more spectacular the view becomes
When I think about the way I was and the way I thought when I was drinking and compare it to the way I am now, it is sometimes hard to appreciate that I am the same person! I am so much calmer, I appreciate everyone and everything around me so much more (including myself). I've discovered self esteem and treat myself kindly and with compassion. The 'joy' of drinking pales into insignificance against the joy of living a sober, fully conscious life.
This didn't happen overnight, of course, but certainly by the end of the first year. By reading here, I discovered Mindfulness and that has helped enormously. It might help you, too, to escape the manacles of the past. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle would be a good start, but any book on Mindfulness can help to change your thinking.
It is a truism, but a body just works so much better without alcohol. Antidepressants, too, will definitely be more effective when they are left alone to do what they're meant to do and not hijacked by wine!
It's not an easy road, but it is far, far more rewarding than any other I've walked down - and the longer you're on it, the more spectacular the view becomes
Omnivore
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
Why do you want to stop drinking? I have not heard about that. Think about that. You didn't spend all that time in rehab on a whim.
Have you tired Antabuse for help? Sorry for the drug plug. It's my strength.
Have you tired Antabuse for help? Sorry for the drug plug. It's my strength.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Sussex UK
Posts: 112
That's ok, thanks for your reply. I think I went to rehab still in denial re the control factor. The relapse was actually planned. I went to stay with an elderly relative and bought a tiny bottle of wine on the way there just to kind of test myself. Drank one bottle in the open during my stay and then 2 more in secret over the next few nights. Went back to my supported housing. Managed 5 days without and then drank again. I believed I knew better and that it was all a question of control. Even in the rehab I felt a bit on the outer because everyone seemed so much worse. I had never drunk in the morning whereas they all had and I had never been on binges where I drank 24/7. I just drank at night, 2+ bottles of wine but still wanted my coffee in the morning. I want to stop now because it is making me anxious and depressed and so so tired. I struggle with my work even though I don't drink on work nights and hang out for days off so I can get hammered. I am a nurse so antabuse is not an option. I have to wash my hands all the time with alcohol rub and all of the solutions we use are alcohol based.
Thanks for your interest. Much appreciated. Take care, Jud
Thanks for your interest. Much appreciated. Take care, Jud
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi Jude,
You sound like a sensitive, caring, intelligent woman looking for something that can only come from yourself. Sounds like a duh? statement and it is really. Committing to booting alcohol is the number one thing you can do to get comfortable in your own skin. It sounds like you are isolated in your small town but do not worry, being here on SR is a gold mine of strength and support for getting and staying sober.
One thing is for sure, you do not want anyone else to make this sobriety decision for you. If you love your job, then taking steps towards true sobriety is a great way to keep it and thrive.
Try to look at what you can do, and not what you cannot do. For mental and physical health you need to get rid of alcohol. You said that you are on anti-anxiety or depression medication. An honest discussion with your prescribing doctor is in order as it sounds like you have realized that the meds are not working very well for you. Which brings us back to stopping alcohol. Everything you want and need in your life depends upon stopping alcohol. Then working to bring more things that are good for you into your life can begin one sober day, activity and person at a time.
You can make this commitment and live life well Jude! It may seem Herculean, but I assure you that being able to sit well with yourself becomes easier every day once you commit to it and start doing it with sober eyes.
You sound like a sensitive, caring, intelligent woman looking for something that can only come from yourself. Sounds like a duh? statement and it is really. Committing to booting alcohol is the number one thing you can do to get comfortable in your own skin. It sounds like you are isolated in your small town but do not worry, being here on SR is a gold mine of strength and support for getting and staying sober.
One thing is for sure, you do not want anyone else to make this sobriety decision for you. If you love your job, then taking steps towards true sobriety is a great way to keep it and thrive.
Try to look at what you can do, and not what you cannot do. For mental and physical health you need to get rid of alcohol. You said that you are on anti-anxiety or depression medication. An honest discussion with your prescribing doctor is in order as it sounds like you have realized that the meds are not working very well for you. Which brings us back to stopping alcohol. Everything you want and need in your life depends upon stopping alcohol. Then working to bring more things that are good for you into your life can begin one sober day, activity and person at a time.
You can make this commitment and live life well Jude! It may seem Herculean, but I assure you that being able to sit well with yourself becomes easier every day once you commit to it and start doing it with sober eyes.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Hi Jude. I guess the hardest thing is there are no short cuts to recovery. It's a shame you took the time in your supported housing for granted and planned a relapse. Comparing your recovery to others who were there is not helpful either.
The question is, are you really ready to put in the hard work? As alcoholics/addicts...we want a quick fix/buzz, right now, whenever we need it. We certainly aren't used to being patient, not having what we want, or looking at different ways to cope. That's the challenge....and only you can do it.
I know you are going to say you don't put your patients at risk, and always make sure you haven't drank well before you go to work, but I don't believe that. I worked in an office and there was no way I was fit for work when recovering from hangovers at all.
The question is, are you really ready to put in the hard work? As alcoholics/addicts...we want a quick fix/buzz, right now, whenever we need it. We certainly aren't used to being patient, not having what we want, or looking at different ways to cope. That's the challenge....and only you can do it.
I know you are going to say you don't put your patients at risk, and always make sure you haven't drank well before you go to work, but I don't believe that. I worked in an office and there was no way I was fit for work when recovering from hangovers at all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 360
Over the years, my thoughts on addiction have evolved and continue to evolve, and as my ideas change I always come here and share them.
More recently I've come to believe that addiction is a symptom of something. More recently I've been learning about "inner family systems" therapy, which makes a lot of sense to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibMlGs6Q4kk
Have a look at this video and decide for yourself if this sounds like something you might want to do.
More recently I've come to believe that addiction is a symptom of something. More recently I've been learning about "inner family systems" therapy, which makes a lot of sense to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibMlGs6Q4kk
Have a look at this video and decide for yourself if this sounds like something you might want to do.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Jude, for me when I was drinking, that was all I did in life too, I went to work, came home and drank, I didn't do much else, so it is a real fear that our lives will have nothing in them if we quit, though I tend to look at it like I was already bored when I drank, so nothing much is going to change except not having alcohol to disappear into each evening.
I needed to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, new activities, new things to do, ask myself what was I getting Sober for? if it was not to lead a different life to the one I was used to for years.
You can do this!!
I needed to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, new activities, new things to do, ask myself what was I getting Sober for? if it was not to lead a different life to the one I was used to for years.
You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
Originally Posted by jude1963 
Hi everyone, just a few thoughts about my fear that my life will be nothing without alcohol. I hate drinking and have tried many many times to get sobriety but I have this idea that it is the only thing I enjoy doing at the moment even though I know this is not true. I have suffered from depression most of my life and am currently on antidepressants. I know the alcohol is making things so much worse and with my constant anxiety I can only just manage to go to work. On days off which are 3 to 4 a week I drink from 6pm at night and don't feel like doing anything. I live in a lovely area which is new to me and there are so many things I could be doing. This time last year I was massively overweight and waiting for my admission date into detox and rehab which the UK government paid for and I was so massively grateful at the time. Now nearly 12 months later I am still drinking even though some of the weight has gone and I am back at work. I just seem to worry incessantly all the time and play out the very worst case scenarios in my head. I am also full of resentment and can play our conversations in my head that happened over 30 years ago.
I bought a car to travel around but even though I drove for years in Australia which is where I am from I have lost all my confidence and am frightened just driving up to the corner shop. I don't have a lot of family here ir back in Aus and not many friends. Certainly no one that knows about my drinking. I just wish that things would ease up a bit. My rehab was 3 months and like I said I was very grateful at the time but nothing really changed for me when I left.I was just stuck in a house with 7 other women and we attended workshops during the day. It wasn't easy and the worst thing is that I know that at least 2 of my peers relapsed when they were released just as I did. I sent Xmas cards with email addresses and phone numbers but nobody keeps in touch. I was really upset about one woman who had her 50th birthday in rehab as I did. I really really thought out of all of us that she would make it. I guess I don't understand the nature of addiction very well. Anyway guys, thanks for listening. Jude
I bought a car to travel around but even though I drove for years in Australia which is where I am from I have lost all my confidence and am frightened just driving up to the corner shop. I don't have a lot of family here ir back in Aus and not many friends. Certainly no one that knows about my drinking. I just wish that things would ease up a bit. My rehab was 3 months and like I said I was very grateful at the time but nothing really changed for me when I left.I was just stuck in a house with 7 other women and we attended workshops during the day. It wasn't easy and the worst thing is that I know that at least 2 of my peers relapsed when they were released just as I did. I sent Xmas cards with email addresses and phone numbers but nobody keeps in touch. I was really upset about one woman who had her 50th birthday in rehab as I did. I really really thought out of all of us that she would make it. I guess I don't understand the nature of addiction very well. Anyway guys, thanks for listening. Jude
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Sussex UK
Posts: 112
Thanks for your support Purple Knight it is much appreciated. I know I drink to relieve stress and loneliness. I didn't drink much until about the age of 45 and then it just took off. I lived in Aus with my brother for over 20 years and had a dog and a cat and a good job and there was something to come home to at night. Then my brother got married which I was over the moon about but I guess in a way I lost my base even though I had been travelling to the UK for many years to work. I know the drink doesn't relax me but like you mentioned it is just getting that initial buzz. Anything to change the way I feel. In a few months time I wont be able to drink on days off on some occasions because I will be on call for emergencies. If I cant get this under control now I will have to leave this new job and get another where call is not required.
I am reading everything I can on this site. I know it is only me that raises the glass to my lips and it is a conscious decision. I have a hard time enjoying anything at the moment. Did you feel like this?. Take care, Jude
I am reading everything I can on this site. I know it is only me that raises the glass to my lips and it is a conscious decision. I have a hard time enjoying anything at the moment. Did you feel like this?. Take care, Jude
Thanks "Eyes of a stranger" I too wish you all the very best and congrats on getting to day 7
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
it's gonna get better, Jude.
AA can help you with those resentments and anxieties. It's going to take time and commitment but life without alcohol will be greater than anything you've experienced or imagined.
Take it one step at a time and go into it with patience... it won't happen automatically or right away but it WILL HAPPEN.
Try some new things. Exercise, play an instrument, learn to paint, volunteer with a social impact organization, step outside of your routine.... trying new experiences helps us begin to see that there are new possibilities, and begin to create new habits. We can find new passions and this in turn leads us to cherish our sobriety more.... one feeds the other.
It will somedays feel an insurmountable challenge, but hold faith and redouble your efforts on those days to find just One Good Thing. Because One Good Thing Leads To Another.
You can do this.
AA can help you with those resentments and anxieties. It's going to take time and commitment but life without alcohol will be greater than anything you've experienced or imagined.
Take it one step at a time and go into it with patience... it won't happen automatically or right away but it WILL HAPPEN.
Try some new things. Exercise, play an instrument, learn to paint, volunteer with a social impact organization, step outside of your routine.... trying new experiences helps us begin to see that there are new possibilities, and begin to create new habits. We can find new passions and this in turn leads us to cherish our sobriety more.... one feeds the other.
It will somedays feel an insurmountable challenge, but hold faith and redouble your efforts on those days to find just One Good Thing. Because One Good Thing Leads To Another.
You can do this.
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