J2911

27 days and I feel exceptional. Thus far however I have declined or feigned some reason for not going to any social events because they are a huge, huge trigger for me. My husband is a muckity muck in his company so I can't keep hiding as he needs my support. I've agreed to attend a fundraising golf tournament and people will be drinking quite a bit. I know many of them and I am not sure how it will feel to socialize not tipsy let alone deny the drink without being chastised. How do I deal with the "why aren't you drinking" question. I know when others didn't indulge when I was drinking, I personally felt judged by them. This is a long term commitment for me so what are some things to say without making others feel guilty or coming across as a goody two shoes?

jezza

Hi J2... This question comes up quite a lot.. Personally it dosnt bother me I just say I've quit drinking... other excuses can include I'm on medication, diet, got a busy day tomorrow so need a clear head, I'm still hungover from last night!! LOL.. or just have a dark drink like a Coke then people won't ask.. Well done on the 27 days!!!!!! AWESOME!!

Dee74

I just say no thanks.
I know it feels like you need to add more but I really honestly don't think you do
D

AlcoholFree66

No thanks! You do not need to give any sort of excuse. I suspect that people who push me about why I don't/won't drink may be concerned about their own drinking!

Blackhawkfan

I was in your shoes 7 months ago. I have to do a lot if client dinners and entertaining. Initially I had a lot if anxiety about the same situation but ultimately I found that it wasn't a big deal at all.

See - 'normies' don't ficus on whether it not others are drinking or how much. Normies don't care. Normies don't push alocohol on people not drinking.

For me - reality was a lot different than my angst filled scenario. Few ever asked. Most that did ask would simply say 'cool' or 'good for you' and leave it at that. The ones that had problems were the ones that pushed, pushed etc. I know.....!I used to be one of them.

My point I don't think you will find it to be that bad. Have a response ready for when the question comes us, carry a glass with a lime in it and have a great time. You will find that **% won't notice and simply don't care.

Good luck!

Notmyrealname

I don't expect people to ask the wife of a "muckety-muck" why she's not drinking at a company function -- I think that would be a weird thing to ask in that context. "I'm the driver" would be a sufficient answer, in any case.

Nuudawn

[QUOTE=J2911;4776417I know when others didn't indulge when I was drinking, I personally felt judged by them. [/QUOTE]

We drunkards sure carry a lot of ourselves around. Sweetie, your "emotional well being" is what is paramount here. You need to worry about your own feelings right now...not the feelings of others. "No, thank you" is a complete sentence. If you feel you need to protect others from their OWN feelings, you have a tall order to fill. I do understand feeling discomfort about not wanting to feel "conspicuous"...or the sensitivity we may feel about having our own personal boundary (which is our business)...when we are completely unaccustomed to having said boundary. For whatever reason, we feel "guilty" for doing something for ourselves that makes others uncomfortable..and that isn't healthy.

I know that I have used a "medication ruse" when I haven't felt strong enough to get into a whole discussion about it. Please don't get me wrong, I do understand your feelings. But another's emotional well being is not in your hands....only yours is.

Admiral

I've often found that things aren't as bad as I thought they would be. I tend to create the event in my mind, and envision it going as bad as possible, with people gossiping about me, to even FORCING me to drink while everyone is laughing about it...

The reality is that maybe no one will ask at all, or maybe someone will, but I wouldn't worry about it, just say no, tell them you found out that you have IBS and that alcohol triggers your symptoms.

trachemys

A glass of soda or tonic with lime wedges, an O'Doul's in a coozie, even a diet coke with lime wedge(virgin Cuba Libre) all make effective camo and I feel more comfortable with something in my hand. "I'm driving" is usually the truth for me.

PurpleKnight

Be a "non drinker" at the event, I'm not drinking today should be enough!!

Tang

I know people often say you don't need to give a reason, but I have not found this to be true. Working with nosy type A people they won't let it go. I have successfully used I'm on medication and I'm on a diet. The intense corporate world is very judgmental and people talk. So yes, I personally need a rehearsed response.

Ollie1124

Yesterday at meeting it was suggested to already have a drink in ones hand. Then people don't ask carry a cup of soda water and I'm sure you'll be just fine. Good luck!