Finally learning how to cut people off.
:-(
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Posts: 160
Finally learning how to cut people off.
I am a 29 year old Australian chick, who has been slave to an alcoholic family for too long, a couple of years ago, I could take no more of my A mothers abuse and ran away to Australia, where I found that the rest of my family are all lovers of the drink.
I am finally living on my own, dealing with stress, depression, agoraphobia, eating and sleep disorders, major anxiety issues and panic attacks.
I still talk to my dad who is still in England, but only every couple of weeks, he wants me to keep in contact with said A mother, but I find her disgusting at the minute.
Her lying, cheating and pure denial nearly killed my soul, blaming me for ruining her life and marriages. Apparently I manipulated her friend off 33 years to think like I did about her. Even though he lived with us in the pub and saw it all with his own eyes, but they are all scared to admit it to her, they are like trying to save her from the truth but in fact are hurting her more, as she thinks she is little miss perfect, everything that has gone wrong is all my fault. I know I am not perfect, far from it, but I will never be like them, and I am learning that I need to look after myself now.
So it has been a long hard road, with many annoying people on the way. People who think I was put on this earth for their amusement or sexual needs.
I have been dealing with a few blokes, supposedly friends, who are pushing me to go out and drink with them, and have sex with them. They say they always had a crush on me back when I used to live over here, but I had a boyfriend so they could never do anything about it.
Now they are all trying, and I am getting sick of them, I literally have about 9 blokes chasing me daily. The one guy I do want to see and really like, doesn't like me the same way and we only catch up every couple of weeks.
I have managed to slowly get rid of a couple, but not for long sometimes, they always come back.
I went out and met one of my ex's a few weeks ago, had a couple of drinks, had a catch up as it had been about 10 yeas since the last time we saw each other, was fun but by the end of the night he was wasted, wanting to start a fight with someone, anyone, I stopped a couple, but then got sick of it, I told him I was going home, he asked who with, looking at all the men in the pub, I said no one, and walked off, not impressed with his bullsh*t. I walked home through town at 3am, alone feeling so p**sed off with myself for even going out, he texted me all the way home with guilt trips.
We had been chatting on and off through the weeks and he made it clear he wanted me as his girlfriend again, and I told him, NO, flatout, I told him I needed time to myself for once, to look after and sort my poor head out, he said he understood, but would always ask to come over which I got out of quickly, I don't really want anyone to know where I live as I don't want people round here all the time as it will turn into a party house again, I have no willpower and love to have a good time. Just like my A family. :-(
Friday night comes, and its about 11pm, he starts texting asking if I want to go out nightclubbing with him, I said no, it was too late to even think of getting dressed to go out, and I had no money, and then the guilt trips started, he told me he was going to find a jail cell then.
I ignored this and left him to do whatever he wanted, as I have had guilt trips all my life, from my dad threatening to kill himself (and me) when he was going through a divorce with my mother, I have had guilt trips from my mother all my life. I refuse to pack my bags to go on guilt trips for anyone else, I'm staying put!.
Then on saturday morning at about 5am, I saw he was still drunk and abusing a girl through his facebook statuses, I laughed, but they were pretty harsh, talking about beating up the lady!! Not impressed with that!! I don't like having friends that hit women, I have been hit many times and do not agree with it.
So I sent a message to him telling him not to make me feel bad about not going out drinking with him. He said he didn't, he forgot the last message.
Then he put up a status one minute later saying, I wont hear from you for a week anyway so shut ya gutz sl*t. With this I was fuming, he tried to deny it and sent me a message from some other girl trying to say it was about her, but the times were wrong and the words made no sense, it was about me, I am not jus being paranoid.
I remembered just what he was like then and why we were not together still, and told him, I am not stupid, I am not a ****, that's why he was so p**sed off with me because he couldn't get me, I had been honest with him from the start and if he was going to be like that I don't need him in my life, So deleted and blocked!!!
He can call me all the names under the sun now, I don't care for drunken guilt trips anymore. I am trying not to think about his supposed suicide guilt trips, it is hard but he has 2 daughters and I don't think he will do anything bad but ya never know. Either way I can't save everyone and I can't take on all their rubbish.
I woke up this morning feeling so much better as I don't have to think of excuses to make to not see him anymore, I don't have to put up with his telling me how gorgeous and stuff I am. I am not, specially at the minute, I'm a mess, but..........
This is my time.
I am finally living on my own, dealing with stress, depression, agoraphobia, eating and sleep disorders, major anxiety issues and panic attacks.
I still talk to my dad who is still in England, but only every couple of weeks, he wants me to keep in contact with said A mother, but I find her disgusting at the minute.
Her lying, cheating and pure denial nearly killed my soul, blaming me for ruining her life and marriages. Apparently I manipulated her friend off 33 years to think like I did about her. Even though he lived with us in the pub and saw it all with his own eyes, but they are all scared to admit it to her, they are like trying to save her from the truth but in fact are hurting her more, as she thinks she is little miss perfect, everything that has gone wrong is all my fault. I know I am not perfect, far from it, but I will never be like them, and I am learning that I need to look after myself now.
So it has been a long hard road, with many annoying people on the way. People who think I was put on this earth for their amusement or sexual needs.
I have been dealing with a few blokes, supposedly friends, who are pushing me to go out and drink with them, and have sex with them. They say they always had a crush on me back when I used to live over here, but I had a boyfriend so they could never do anything about it.
Now they are all trying, and I am getting sick of them, I literally have about 9 blokes chasing me daily. The one guy I do want to see and really like, doesn't like me the same way and we only catch up every couple of weeks.
I have managed to slowly get rid of a couple, but not for long sometimes, they always come back.
I went out and met one of my ex's a few weeks ago, had a couple of drinks, had a catch up as it had been about 10 yeas since the last time we saw each other, was fun but by the end of the night he was wasted, wanting to start a fight with someone, anyone, I stopped a couple, but then got sick of it, I told him I was going home, he asked who with, looking at all the men in the pub, I said no one, and walked off, not impressed with his bullsh*t. I walked home through town at 3am, alone feeling so p**sed off with myself for even going out, he texted me all the way home with guilt trips.
We had been chatting on and off through the weeks and he made it clear he wanted me as his girlfriend again, and I told him, NO, flatout, I told him I needed time to myself for once, to look after and sort my poor head out, he said he understood, but would always ask to come over which I got out of quickly, I don't really want anyone to know where I live as I don't want people round here all the time as it will turn into a party house again, I have no willpower and love to have a good time. Just like my A family. :-(
Friday night comes, and its about 11pm, he starts texting asking if I want to go out nightclubbing with him, I said no, it was too late to even think of getting dressed to go out, and I had no money, and then the guilt trips started, he told me he was going to find a jail cell then.
I ignored this and left him to do whatever he wanted, as I have had guilt trips all my life, from my dad threatening to kill himself (and me) when he was going through a divorce with my mother, I have had guilt trips from my mother all my life. I refuse to pack my bags to go on guilt trips for anyone else, I'm staying put!.
Then on saturday morning at about 5am, I saw he was still drunk and abusing a girl through his facebook statuses, I laughed, but they were pretty harsh, talking about beating up the lady!! Not impressed with that!! I don't like having friends that hit women, I have been hit many times and do not agree with it.
So I sent a message to him telling him not to make me feel bad about not going out drinking with him. He said he didn't, he forgot the last message.
Then he put up a status one minute later saying, I wont hear from you for a week anyway so shut ya gutz sl*t. With this I was fuming, he tried to deny it and sent me a message from some other girl trying to say it was about her, but the times were wrong and the words made no sense, it was about me, I am not jus being paranoid.
I remembered just what he was like then and why we were not together still, and told him, I am not stupid, I am not a ****, that's why he was so p**sed off with me because he couldn't get me, I had been honest with him from the start and if he was going to be like that I don't need him in my life, So deleted and blocked!!!
He can call me all the names under the sun now, I don't care for drunken guilt trips anymore. I am trying not to think about his supposed suicide guilt trips, it is hard but he has 2 daughters and I don't think he will do anything bad but ya never know. Either way I can't save everyone and I can't take on all their rubbish.
I woke up this morning feeling so much better as I don't have to think of excuses to make to not see him anymore, I don't have to put up with his telling me how gorgeous and stuff I am. I am not, specially at the minute, I'm a mess, but..........
This is my time.
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