FaithfulAndFree

Last night I slipped up... It was day 15. I had two drinks while out in a nightclub... I didn't get drunk but still felt the liquor... I woke up feeling horrible, just thinking about what could've have happened... Every time I drink is a potential for a dangerous binge. Most people are excited when they drunk responsibly but I'm not... I feel horrible. I was on track to be a lifer and a combination of a nightclub and a very annoying friend caused me to drink. I don't ever want to drink again. Please tell me that slip ups are a part of the process... Is anyone so perfect that they have gone abstinent without error? I really want to be done with alcohol for life... I can't help but beat myself up for being so foolish... I will continue to fight for my sobriety... I will not give up.

Boudicca

Don't beat yourself up......just gives your AV more fuel to burn. You've already decided to continue fighting and that you won't give up. That is progress!

Congrats on 15 days and you CAN do this!

For me, I have found avoiding "alcohol" environments, esp. in the beginning, is crucial to making it through the first days.

ScottFromWI

You can learn from the experience and make changes with your plan so you can achieve the long term sobriety you seek. First off take ownership of what happened. You can call it a slip-up, but in reality you chose to drink. You chose to go to a club with your friend, who I'm guessing you already knew is annoying, and then you chose to have some drinks.

Not saying that to try and shame you, but look back and see what you could have done differntly. Is a nightclub then best place for a newly sober person to spend an evening? Did your friend know you were abstaining? Ask yourself these types of questions and change your plan accordingly.

trachemys

Ok, we're done here. You get back to being sober and avoiding annoying friends from now on, 'k?

HopingForZen

I can tell from your post that you can do this. You want it, but you need to stay away from triggers! If that annoying friend is a problem, you may just need to spend time with other folks for awhile. Today is the start of the rest of your life!

totfit

I had to be careful what I did early on and going to a nightclub would have caused discomfort even if I did not drink. Take it as a learning experience, but it can be a slippery slope. Just get back on the horse and ride.

soberlicious

In life there are an infinite number of "reasons" for taking a drink. If you look closely, none of them are truly valid. Drinking may temporarily dull an annoyance, but the fact is life is full of annoying stuff. It's got nothing to do with drinking. If I drink because I'm annoyed, I've now created a permanent excuse to keep on chugging.

This is another way the addicted part of me can keep me drinking, by comparing myself to others.

Yes, in fact some people do quit only once. Does that make them perfect? No. There is no reason to place a value judgement on what others have done. That's simply a way for your addicted mind to keep you going in circles, making you doubt yourself and your ability to do this. See it for what it is and keep moving forward. You can do this.

IOAA2

One of the most used words used when I came around was “STAY AWAY FROM SLIPPERY PLACES.” The reasoning is we are not all knowing when we start to get sober. For example look at all the relapse posts.
Avoid a relapse as there is no guarantee we’ll get sober again.

BE WELL

FaithfulAndFree

Thanks for all the replies. I'm still dealing with the disappointment. I know I'm stronger and smarter than this decision. I take full responsibility for my actions and hold my sober self fully accountable for this mistake. I appreciate all the replies.... Personally I would like to keep this to myself, but do guys think I need to share this mistake with loved ones? I don't wanna increase their worry but I also don't want to feel like I'm being deceitful. I mean it when I say I'm full committed to my sobriety. Ideally I would like to take this as a lesson learned and hop back on the horse and keep going. Even though I didn't binge or even get drunk I still feel the same amount of shame.

trachemys

Can't answer that one for you.

soberlicious

Like trachemys said regarding telling others, you have to answer that for yourself. Some people involve others completely, for others it is an intensively private journey.

Regarding shame, I can say that my goal is not to completely rid myself of bad feelings. Feeling absolutely no shame, or on the flip side, wallowing and getting engulfed by shame...neither is going to be productive in my effort to meet my goal. I have found that I can take a difficult feeling and use it to move me forward, and then leave it behind. Once it has served its purpose, I can put it down. It is not longer useful. In the simple yet profound words of Maya Angelou, " I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."

PurpleKnight

Don't beat yourself up!! Go at it again!!

Dee74

Many of us have slipped up for sure - you're in good company

I think it is important tho to remember that relapses are part of the disease, for want of a better word - they're not a part of recovery.

We can glean some good from them tho

Don't underestimate your addiction - it's ruthless and relentless - it probably did a jig when you decided to go to a nightclub.

Thats not something I could have done at 15 days.

Don't beat yourself up - but don't ignore this mistake either.

Do look at your recovery programme as it is and work out where it could be better

I think thats personal decision, and depends on who the loved ones are.

I would not keep anything from my spouse or partner, but I don't live with the rest of my family (parents etc) so that would be need to know basis for me..?

D

Hevyn

Hi EJM.

It definitely happened to me a few times, and each time I learned something. I was getting increasingly disgusted with myself and frustrated. It wasn't even fun any more. The old good times were not coming back and I had to let go of that idea. Once I did, I was able to get free. I just can't touch it - but there is life after alcohol. You can do it.