This is my First Post.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: East Coast U.S.
Posts: 153
This is my First Post.
This is my first post to SR but have been reading it for the last 4 years. I slipped up this July 4th weekend and went on a wild bender after 1 Month Sober. I had started going to AA on a regular basis and was becoming more and more involved. I beleive I keep sabotaging my efforts to stay sober. I am on day 2 and have not slept in the last 30 Hours and keep hearing music. Please take me under your wings here at SR because I have a beautiful wife and 1 year old I don't want to hurt anymore with this crazy behavior.:
Congratulations on finally joining and posting 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Dracut,MA
Posts: 78
I thought I was the only one hearing music - I used to hear it coming from the fan.
Stick with AA. You can always go back there and the people will welcome you with open arms. They've been through this.
Stick with AA. You can always go back there and the people will welcome you with open arms. They've been through this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi and welcome to posting ms980619 
auditory hallucinations are never fun - I recommend you see a Dr, get some advice and set your mind at ease.
I know you'll find a ton of support and good ideas here too - you really can turn your life around
D
auditory hallucinations are never fun - I recommend you see a Dr, get some advice and set your mind at ease.
I know you'll find a ton of support and good ideas here too - you really can turn your life around
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 176
Welcome ms! If you went on a bender over the 4th of July, you're probably still in the PAWS stage and insomnia is one of the symptoms. You just need to ride it out. The last time I went on a binge, the withdrawal symptoms were worse than they were before, even though I didn't drink nearly as much as I did in the past. I took it as a sign that my body is screaming at me to stop. I know it probably feels scary, but maybe that's a good thing because you can use this experience to help you on your journey to recovery. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
never heard music.... but one time in a Baton Rouge hotel on a work-related trip that included being coked up and several days drunk I had a 'dream' that was awake and aware and scary as hell.... demons were in the room slowly surrounding me and ever-so-slowly pulling the blankets off and grabbing onto me as if to consume me....
It was so real I could see and hear and FEEL them. But I couldn't move. I was awake, aware, paralyzed.
And yet I drank and drugged on for years.
This thing can really get its hooks in. I'm glad you chose to post because trying to do this alone is nigh on impossible. The more understanding support from people who get it you have - the better.
It was so real I could see and hear and FEEL them. But I couldn't move. I was awake, aware, paralyzed.
And yet I drank and drugged on for years.
This thing can really get its hooks in. I'm glad you chose to post because trying to do this alone is nigh on impossible. The more understanding support from people who get it you have - the better.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Welcome ms! We've all done what you did more than once. Our shared goal is not doing it anymore. Two things come to mind: Voices in my head saying "eff it !" and the voice of reason slowly being replaced by the voice of addiction which says it wasn't really that bad. One is fueled by minor stress and the other by the total lack of. My relationship with the drama of addiction is strong indeed and self- sabotage provides a sick release. I think for me the key lies in noticing these thoughts (restlessness is a cue) and identify them as the LIARS they are. RR and AVRT in the Secular Forums are a worthy read and helped me when I was struggling. I also meditate, exercise and do AA mtngs.. Best Wishes
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: East Coast U.S.
Posts: 153
Originally Posted by reisingwood1 
Welcome ms! We've all done what you did more than once. Our shared goal is not doing it anymore. Two things come to mind: Voices in my head saying "eff it !" and the voice of reason slowly being replaced by the voice of addiction which says it wasn't really that bad. One is fueled by minor stress and the other by the total lack of. My relationship with the drama of addiction is strong indeed and self- sabotage provides a sick release. I think for me the key lies in noticing these thoughts (restlessness is a cue) and identify them as the LIARS they are. RR and AVRT in the Secular Forums are a worthy read and helped me when I was struggling. I also meditate, exercise and do AA mtngs.. Best Wishes
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR- or at least the posting side of SR!
Why do you believe this?
I once believed I was sabotaging my efforts to stay sober. I thought my compulsion to drink was coming from something I could control, and since my compulsion wasn't going away I must be having that obsession to drink on purpose. I have since learned that isn't how addiction works.
Stick around. Ask questions. Get perspectives. There are many paths to a sober life. You will find yours.
Originally Posted by ms980619
I beleive I keep sabotaging my efforts to stay sober.
I once believed I was sabotaging my efforts to stay sober. I thought my compulsion to drink was coming from something I could control, and since my compulsion wasn't going away I must be having that obsession to drink on purpose. I have since learned that isn't how addiction works.
Stick around. Ask questions. Get perspectives. There are many paths to a sober life. You will find yours.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Welcome MS! Keep coming here and posting, it is good to talk and get it out. Are you still going to AA? If you are, grab a sponsor and get to work. Maybe you can help setup the meeting? I did setup my first 6 months for two different meetings, it helped shy me get to talk to people and it kept me involved and busy.
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