Court tomorrow
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: newton, NH
Posts: 12
Court tomorrow
Tomorrow is the hearing for the restraining order. He has ask that it be lifted. He also will have his pretrial conference for the violation. I hope this isn't going to be ugly. My anxiety is through the roof! I walked for five miles tonight. It helped some. I cannot believe that me 25 year marriage is ending this way. Never in a million years would have thought this could happen to us I wish this was just a nightmare and I could wake up any minute now
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Hey...
Good for you in terms of the exercise. You're doing some good self care, and you're to be commended for that.
As far as the hearing goes...I'm sorry that you have to go through it. My view is I would expect it to be ugly. When somebody has become that unhinged due to addiction, those around them need to be protected by the law. I know this doesn't make you feel any better. I know you wish this wasn't happening at all.
But it is. And the only thing that you should be concerned about in the next 24 hours is protecting yourself. If he should become unhinged during the hearing, do your best to not take the bait. That's what he wants, to engage on his terms. And if you do, there's nothing good down that road. Chin up during the hearing. And once it's in your rearview mirror, you can let your guard down.
Keep us posted, and try to get some rest tonight.
Good for you in terms of the exercise. You're doing some good self care, and you're to be commended for that.
As far as the hearing goes...I'm sorry that you have to go through it. My view is I would expect it to be ugly. When somebody has become that unhinged due to addiction, those around them need to be protected by the law. I know this doesn't make you feel any better. I know you wish this wasn't happening at all.
But it is. And the only thing that you should be concerned about in the next 24 hours is protecting yourself. If he should become unhinged during the hearing, do your best to not take the bait. That's what he wants, to engage on his terms. And if you do, there's nothing good down that road. Chin up during the hearing. And once it's in your rearview mirror, you can let your guard down.
Keep us posted, and try to get some rest tonight.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
eddie1,
Thinking of you and sending supportive thoughts your way.
Sometimes even the most logical action feels bad. I can imagine your anxiety.
Good for you, in doing what you can, in all ways, for your safety and peace of mind.
Please let us know how it goes, and remember to breathe, ok?
Thinking of you and sending supportive thoughts your way.
Sometimes even the most logical action feels bad. I can imagine your anxiety.
Good for you, in doing what you can, in all ways, for your safety and peace of mind.
Please let us know how it goes, and remember to breathe, ok?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sometimes we have to just walk through the pain to get past it and to a better place.
Just remember we are all walking with you, we'll be cheering you on today and hugging you when it is over.
You will be okay, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
Hugs
Just remember we are all walking with you, we'll be cheering you on today and hugging you when it is over.
You will be okay, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: newton, NH
Posts: 12
Thank u all for your support and well wishes! Hearing is over. With the support of my very companionate lawyer and a great friend I got through it. He was MUCH clearer than I have seen him in a long long time! Not himself but much clearer! I know from all that I have read here not to think that's it he is back but it was slightly encouraging that he has improved psychiatrically at least a little.
He minimized or flat out denied any abuse. He of course told the judge that I had called him a couple weeks ago. I apologized and said it was in a moment of weakness and that I had received the official demand letter from the mortgage co and after being with him for 26 years I looked to him for support. She continued the temp order and the violation hearing to the end of August to give me time to decide what I want. She wasn't mean or anything and I think she also noticed how much better he was too.
She was the judge who granted the RO and also arraigned him on the violation. The arraignment was done on a tv screen from another courtroom and he was so messed up that he asked if she was judge Judy and when she said do you understand you are going to jail today he said yeah, will they give me pain meds in jail!
She told him that she thinks that I was telling the truth about what happened and that the medication he has been taking May have affected not only his behavior but also his recollection of events. She told me that I could also get protection by filing for divorce if I want to go that route instead. She said that way we could communicate with each other about our property and how to divide it.
I am not ready to file for divorce just yet. I do have a deadline in my head for that. It will be the day he meets with the surgeon at the end of this month and decides whether to have surgery or continue to manage the pain with medication only. If he does not want the surgery I will know in my heart that this is all about the medication and that he has no intention of coming off this medication.
So a half win, stinks that I have to go through this again! My own fault won't happen again. But the offer from the prosecutor is 6month suspended sentence with the stipulation he receive psych and addiction treatment. He will have to reappear in court in three months to verify that he has indeed begun treatment.
I did not cry at all today! That is honestly the first time since May 1st! The antidepressant must be working. Still very high anxiety but walking helps with that
He minimized or flat out denied any abuse. He of course told the judge that I had called him a couple weeks ago. I apologized and said it was in a moment of weakness and that I had received the official demand letter from the mortgage co and after being with him for 26 years I looked to him for support. She continued the temp order and the violation hearing to the end of August to give me time to decide what I want. She wasn't mean or anything and I think she also noticed how much better he was too.
She was the judge who granted the RO and also arraigned him on the violation. The arraignment was done on a tv screen from another courtroom and he was so messed up that he asked if she was judge Judy and when she said do you understand you are going to jail today he said yeah, will they give me pain meds in jail!
She told him that she thinks that I was telling the truth about what happened and that the medication he has been taking May have affected not only his behavior but also his recollection of events. She told me that I could also get protection by filing for divorce if I want to go that route instead. She said that way we could communicate with each other about our property and how to divide it.
I am not ready to file for divorce just yet. I do have a deadline in my head for that. It will be the day he meets with the surgeon at the end of this month and decides whether to have surgery or continue to manage the pain with medication only. If he does not want the surgery I will know in my heart that this is all about the medication and that he has no intention of coming off this medication.
So a half win, stinks that I have to go through this again! My own fault won't happen again. But the offer from the prosecutor is 6month suspended sentence with the stipulation he receive psych and addiction treatment. He will have to reappear in court in three months to verify that he has indeed begun treatment.
I did not cry at all today! That is honestly the first time since May 1st! The antidepressant must be working. Still very high anxiety but walking helps with that
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: newton, NH
Posts: 12
Angry and Sad today... I am thinking about him a lot today probably because I saw him yesterday in court. He told his sister I looked good. But went on and on about how I put him in jail and that I hate him. I am angry about all I have lost this year. My husband to pills, my house to pills, my life to pills. I hate pills! I hate weekends too. I hate packing up my house. I hate being alone, I hate being around other people. I loved my life, husband, and home. Just make it stop!
K9 Trainer, Ret. Sys Engr
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: California
Posts: 389
I am sorry you are in so much distress.
Understand about "hating pills" I lost my mom, my niece and losing my sister all to pills.
As I think through what was lost, it saddens me still. And I deal with what I refer to as survivor guilt and loss. What I can tell you is it does better.
Your challenge its to get through it and become whole again. You will if you don't block out the positive future awaiting.
Do you have any close friends you can spend some quality time with? Is there something you enjoy that you can do to get your mind moving in a more positive direction?
Understand about "hating pills" I lost my mom, my niece and losing my sister all to pills.
As I think through what was lost, it saddens me still. And I deal with what I refer to as survivor guilt and loss. What I can tell you is it does better.
Your challenge its to get through it and become whole again. You will if you don't block out the positive future awaiting.
Do you have any close friends you can spend some quality time with? Is there something you enjoy that you can do to get your mind moving in a more positive direction?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Justice prevailed, that is a good thing.
You have just been through a lot emotionally, getting ready for this trial and worrying about what the outcome might be. Once we are emotionally drained we tend to sink deeper into a dark place of sadness and depression.
Don't go down that road, it's dead end and doesn't lead to any place good. Just for today, make yourself do something that will lift your spirits...whether is is a walk in nature or a coffee with a friend, or burying yourself in a good book that will take your mind some place better. Maybe plan a short trip to visit a summer event or a friend for a day.
For me, the only way to stop obsessing about anything is to distract myself (quite different from denial) by doing something that makes me smile, even when I don't really feel like it...that's when I need it most of all.
Hugs
You have just been through a lot emotionally, getting ready for this trial and worrying about what the outcome might be. Once we are emotionally drained we tend to sink deeper into a dark place of sadness and depression.
Don't go down that road, it's dead end and doesn't lead to any place good. Just for today, make yourself do something that will lift your spirits...whether is is a walk in nature or a coffee with a friend, or burying yourself in a good book that will take your mind some place better. Maybe plan a short trip to visit a summer event or a friend for a day.
For me, the only way to stop obsessing about anything is to distract myself (quite different from denial) by doing something that makes me smile, even when I don't really feel like it...that's when I need it most of all.
Hugs
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