americanirish

Hello, I am new here and have quite the load to get off my chest. I am an alcoholic who tries to hide how much I drink from my wife and kids. I hate myself for what I do but can't seem to stop this insane pattern. Here's the pattern: This can and does happen every weekend and also during the week. Here's a for instance: Every Friday I come home with a six pack. I drink 2 -3 (decoy beers) throughout the evening but during the course I sneak out to the garage and slam a 24 oz. 8.0 abv can of beer behind my wife's back every 1-2 hours. Oh by the way add a vicodin to the mix. She has pointed out that by the end of the night I appear much drunker than have had only 2-3 12 oz. bottles of beer. I deny it or almost fess up to it by claiming that I sometimes get a can of beer on the way home. My wife sometimes asks me how much I've had to drink and although clearly drunk I claim only 1 or 2. We both know that she knows better and it totally ticks her off. This happened this past Saturday and she didn't speak 2 words to me all of Sunday. When I do this I feel so guilty the next day but I continue anyway. It happened again last night. I know I need help but I just can't seem to resist. I have a good wife and 3 kids in our home and I'm afraid that she's had enough and hates me for this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening.

Mountainmanbob

you I think would be amazed with the joy seen in your wife if
you told her that you had called AA Central (located in most Cities)
and planned to go to an AA meeting

if you truly want help that may be a start ?
seems to me to be
a simple thing to do for your family and yourself

6 years sober
my normie loving wife
is still always willing to give up a little time spent with me
so as to see me off to an AA meeting

I don't think that she wishes to see me stop what has been working so well

a happy queen
makes for a happy king

do your part and she will probably do hers

Mountainman

ultradad

Brother, with a wife and 4 kids of my own, I can tell you it will only get worse if you continue down this path. I second the advice of MountainBob, I would be honest and tell her you think you may actually have a problem and are going to get a little help. Find and GO to an AA meeting and do what they tell you. My wife and oldest son both go to Alanon as well and have learned a ton about this disease! You may wish to mention that to her as an option as well. Our house is so much healthier now and I'm only at 67 days sober, but if I can do this, anyone can!!! AA saved my life!!!

Listen, you're not a bad person, you have a disease...once you realize that you can actually start to treat it! Pulling for you!

Anna

I hope that you decide to live a sober life.

americanirish

Thanks so much to all of you! I look forward to changing my life. God Bless.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

You can do this and SR is here for loads of support!!

americanirish

Thanks!

Tonymblue

I would do exactly the same thing. I would buy a six open one. Then sneek off to the garage and do shots. I would repeat until the fifth was gone. My god i thought i fooled my wife and my children. I woulnt even finish the first beer. Man i could write a book about my stupid stuff (if i could only remember). Stay strong and do this.

happyandfree

You can do it americanirish.....and you will feel so good. No more sneaking around and lying. That must not make you feel good and is causing your family stress and dispair. Quit drinking and you can get rid of guilt and shame, and you will feel good about yourself. We've all been there and have done it. It isn't easy...but it is possible and soo worth it.

Dee74

Welcome aboard amercianirish

One of the great things about being in recovery is I don't have to lie anymore
Being that guy made me feel disgusted in myself, which led me back to drinking more...

You can break the cycle though. You will find a lot of ideas and support here.
Glad to have you aboard

KAD

Sounds very similar to my story, except I went from sneaking hidden beers to sneaking swigs of liquor when I'd leave the room for a bathroom break. Less time out of the room and getting even more drunk. Then I'd come back to my decoy beer and hope she didn't get suspicious. The first child came along and my wife - ex wife now - declared that alcohol was no longer allowed in the house. So, from that point on I switched exclusively to liquor and to hiding it. No more decoys. I did quit for 2 years once when she found a hidden bottle and threatened to leave me but I went back to it eventually.

It's a hellish, miserable life, isn't it? You know you aren't happy with it or you wouldn't be here seeking help. Whatever way you choose to deal with it, I urge you to do it now before things get worse. I can almost promise you they will if you don't do something. There are lots of helpful resources here and lots of people to help you along the way. Best wishes!

Imara

Yep, I have the same but somewhat reverse story. Mine is a wine thing...have one or two with dinner but have the hidden bottle to finish later (or before). I try to portray an image of limited drinking but clearly my behavior is one of a drunk. My husband says NOTHING but every day he and the kids remind me of things I have forgotten during the past evening. So do I have a problem...yes despite the lack of external acknowledgment. Hard to do this on your own so I hope you can come "clean" to your wife. I would do anything for my husband to be honest with me about my problem. The longer we wait, the harder it gets. And these are the people we love the most and hurt the most. Be there for you when you're ready open up as I know the community is here for me as well. Tough but worth it.

least

Welcome to the SR family. We are here to support you in your sober goal. You'll find awesome support here.

I second the suggestion about going to a meeting. Might help to hear from other alcoholics how they got sober.

aborkie

Man, this is my story also. I would keep wine or liquor in the garage, try not to talk much during the night and give myself away. I did this for years. My wife knew but didn't know the real extent. I'm only six weeks sober, but I will prevail. Life is too short and I have too much respect for myself and family. Keep trying and good luck to you.

KAD

I'm often amazed at the similarities in some of our stories! I also made a special effort not to say very much, and pay very careful attention to anything I did say. I often got the urge to listen to music through my headphones but couldn't seem to do it quietly. I kept cranking the volume and then I'd get angry looks from my wife because she could hear it over the TV.

Sunshine14

The nice thing about being sober for 1 short week is I haven't had to lie or sneak around once! Such a great feeling. You can do this. We all can. Put down the poison. Rooting for you!

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Rence

Hi,

Been there, done that - and trust me, it just keeps getting worse. I struggle and relapse alot, but the people in AA are always there for me, and like everyone here, they understand. If you indeed want to quit, tell your wife that you realize that you have a problem and that you want to get help. But DO get help if you're gonna tell her that

I had excuses and there were suggestions I didn't want to do. In the end I found I really need to surrender and do what I am told to do in the program. I failed repeatedly and knew I was done for if I didn't give in.

Hevyn

It's great to have you join us americanirish.

I think posting here will help with your anxiety. It feels so much better to share what we're going through. We all understand - you're never alone. Welcome.

dwtbd

Americanirish
Welcome you made a great first step in find this site, it helped me , lots of good people and advice here.
I used to do exactly what you describe, and as you've seen so have others. Some of the best advice I heard is that you don't have to do like that ever again, and you don't. Come here often , read, post ,ask look through all the threads, wish you well and hope to see you around

AlcoholFree66

I totally relate AmericanIrish - my husband put up with that type of deceptive, dishonest behaviour from me for years. The tension just got worse between us. Two and a half months ago he finally said 'If you don't stop drinking you will lose your husband and children' (mine are teenagers now and were fed up too). My husband had never said anything like this to me before. This was the final impetous for me to get sober. I drank on one night when I was away for work after 17 days sober. The guilt and remorse got me and I told them all the next morning. I haven't drunk since and am now 2 months and 3 days sober. Life at home is so much better - my family have respect for me.