Jjmarty

Hey everyone,
Again I'm struggling with the consequences of my actions because of booze. I'm still trying to determine what caused my violent outburst ultimately leading to my gf leaving. We did talk today, she said she wanted to see big changes and big sacrifices if she is to come back. I don't know how much faith I have in her coming back since I've screwed up so much. I went to a BBQ tonight and booze was everywhere however I didnt drink, I wanted to, I wanted to be able to know I control it and be able to know I can enjoy it, however drinking is what has lead me here to SR. I don't know if I'll ever be able to live with myself if I can't fix this relationship. Knowing it was in my power to make it right but I kept screwing up. Drinking does ruin lives. I wish I just knew better. I'm so beside myself I upset her and broke her heart. I'm so stupid.

mecanix

Hey Jjmarty ,
You can learn new and better ways of dealing with stuff than drinking . We can also learn better ways to deal with our tempers .

I can't tell you if she'll be back or not but whatever goes on you need to sort these things out so you can have have a decent life in the future

Get the support you need , find the help , SR , AA , therapy and counselling to try and sort out whats going on with you , it's possible to change if we remain open minded to learning and willing to work at ourselves .

Change is possible , you can do it , it's hard work and difficult but it's worthwhile and it get's better.

Take care , m

Raider

Wow. That's quite a story. You're not stupid. You may be an alcoholic, but only you know that. Well if you can control it, you'll have to let us all know. I can't control it. Yes you will live if that relationship ends. You may not live very long if you don't change something. Chose wisely. Good luck.

Jjmarty

I would like to rephrase what I meant about controlling it. That's not what I meant at all. I know I can't control it and that's why I'm giving it it up. My head and heart hasn't all been here lately.

MariahGayle

Glad you are here Jj - You are in good company here & you are not alone in this. Lots of support here. Keep posting & reading.

Nuudawn

The best thing you can do for yourself and this relationship is to sacrifice alcohol. It is robbing you of so very much. You're only hope in possibly salvaging the relationship is doing the work you know you must. Much greatness can be achieved in sobriety...a love relationship is beautiful bonus.
I hope you are planning to this work of being a better man...for yourself...just as much as for the relationship.
I hope you want more for yourself and this life...and the woman you love.

desypete

if only i would of listened to the people in aa when i first contacted them at just 18 years of age, i was screwing my life up even then as when i drank booze i ended up getting so drunk i did horrible things like hurt people who loved me, they told me in aa if i carried on drinking it would only get worse and i would lose much more in my life

well did i listen ? no i thought i could find easier ways for me but everything i tried including controled drinking i ended up plastered over and over again until in the end i lost everything and many times i ended up in heatache trying desperatly to get my girl back
i would promise the moon that i would be different if they only came back to me
but if they did come back i soon found a way to start drinking again and they get fed up with all the lies until they have had enough

i hope you dont follow my same path my friend and find the help that is out there
good luck to you

PurpleKnight

As I mentioned on one of your previous threads, a change in actions talks to other people more than words, concentrate on sorting out your drinking and everything else will take care of itself!!

You can do this!!

Raider

How are you today?

SoberHoopsFan

I'm going to give you advice you may not want to hear, so you can certainly take it or leave it. I think you need to let go of this relationship and focus on sobriety. I'll explain why from my point of view. When I first decided to get sober, I came clean to my job and went on a medical leave of absence to do rehab. However, in the back of my mind, I knew I would eventually have to go back to that place and face the same people with them now "knowing" I had a problem, and also with the memories of all the irresponsible and reckless things I had done there professionally in my mind. For me, that would not have been the clean slate I needed for sobriety. Ultimately, the situation worked itself out because I was terminated once they uncovered mistakes I had made during my leave. That was the best thing that could have happened to me in all honesty. It gave me time to work on sobriety and go to a new job with a completely clean slate, a chance to put the nightmare drinking days fully in my rearview mirror.

I think you need to do that with your girlfriend. There are too many bad memories of how you were when drinking, how you have a problem, and she will always have that in her head. Work on your sobriety and once you have a firm grip on that, you can meet someone else and start anew without all the baggage. Based on your post, you probably think this should be the last option, but from a neutral standpoint, I think you should strongly consider that. Good luck whatever you decide.

Also, getting sober needs to be a personal decision for you, if you are getting sober for someone else's sake, it will never stick in my opinion...

Jjmarty

This is my own decision to get sober. In this decision and process I can only hope my actions will speak louder than my words and she will come back. However the reality is this had to happen, something as drastic as her leaving, for me to make these changes. I've read so many other threads and seeing people lose their families or have been to jail and it is terrifying. Something I've relied on my whole life has been alcohol. Speaking with a psychologist I'm hoping I can learn to live without it. I am still completely beside myself for what happened, I understand it's in the past but it just kills me I did that. I've read success stories in here as well and it makes me hopeful I can do the same. I'm just tired of regretting everything I've ever done. I've never known what's it's like to just be happy and content instead if letting myself be miserable. Everyday that has past since I've joined has been difficult and has been trying but I'm doing my best to stick with this. I hope I can prove myself wrong some day and be that person I've always wanted to be.

Jupiters

I think this is important. and great advice.
Words are just that, words. It's action, verbs, the DO-ing that shows change.
I think we need to learn to be OK with the fact that just b/c we DO these things, doesn't 100% guarantee that things will work out the way we WANT them to either. That sometimes, the damage is done and cannot be un-done, no matter what. But by doing all the right things, and getting clean and sober and all that work that comes with it, we change and grow as that happens. We ourselves become different people.
So while it feels that "omg, I can't live with/without ____"...that isn't always true. Your perspective changes as well along the way. You become stronger.
Either way, I believe that if we do the right thing, things work out the way they should.

Jupiters

I wish you the best of luck jj. Stay strong and sober.

Nuudawn

So we know that the alcohol equates with misery and unhappiness? This is very important. Sobriety is very much about learning...what we have not. We learn how to deal with ourselves..and we learn how to deal with life...productively...constructively rather than a mere existence under the drunk rock.

It is an initiative of effort cuz we are tackling something huge here. It's all we know. Sobriety is very much about enlarging your life and growing up..finally.

Dee74

I had never known that either JJmarty - but I found happiness and contentment when I got sober - not right away, and not without a little work, but I found it.

You're definitely headed in the right direction

D

Sobertaurus

Just keep coming and talking. You can do this. There is a whole world of better living there that goes far beyond your relationship. This isn't to minimize that, only to mention there is so much more. Glad to have you here. You matter.

Jjmarty

I appreciate everyone's comments to my thread. This has been by far one of the toughest things I've had to do. I know it isn't much but it's been one week without a drink. I hope I can keep this up. Thank you all.