Ksgirl

I asked my AXH to move out..he "doesn't have the money yet". He just took a shower, got dressed and took the $1,100. 00 with him that he got today. We worked side by side on that job btw. I did remind him the water is due to be shut off...He will undoubtedly call me at 3:00 am to let him in the door. I fell for the lie that he's going to get out and it can be pleasant while he waits for $. Now, I feel I have no choice but to go through the courts. I was awarded exclusive use of the marital home and can file a motion for contempt. GOD I wish this was over and that I never let him back. My sons are seeing this crap daily. He was here yesterday when it was time for football practice and decided to lay in bed instead of go and watch them. I CANNOT BELIEVE someone would do that to their own children! Some days I think I'm strong but then this kind of stuff happens and I just want to scream, cry, vomit...something. Just looking for some support I guess.

zoso77

I can. I've seen it. And I've read about it here so often that it simply doesn't surprise me anymore. Kind of sad if you think about it.

But that's what happens when someone is 100% engrossed in themselves, which is what addiction is, right? Children? Water bill? $1100? In his current condition, those things are all insignificant. He will lie to your face without conscience. He will steal from you, too.

At this moment in time, you need to allow your brain to know what it knows. Which can be summed up thusly:

He's an addict, and this is what addicts do.

Do not expect him to be reasonable, mature, or considerate of you and your children. He will not be.

It's time, Ksgirl, to throw the hammer down. Hard.

chicory

Ksgirl,

He is very sick, very selfish, and only thinking of his drugs. Do not take it personally, if you can help it. Continue on with your plan, and comfort yourself with the fact that you are moving forward.

I am so sorry. I know this has to hurt so much, for the childrens sakes, especially. Better to have him out, than for the kids to see him laying in bed, neglecting their needs and feelings.

it will get better, but just keep making baby steps, in the right direction, or better yet, grab that hammer that Zoso is talking about.

You have our support. It takes time to get things worked out. I hope it happens quickly for you.

I guess the courts will 'encourage' him to 'find the money' to get out.. he won't be able to ignore them.

big hugs honey.

robgt350

Ksgirl

yea sorry to hear your story. alcohol does terrible things to good families. i think i would be willing to go round and round with my ex, but when there are kids around, that will be counter productive and even destructive from there eyes. so i would take measures to protect them and make sure there are in a good environment so they dont have to worry about water being turned off, rent paid, and alcohol destroying their family. but just my opinion! kids come first. i hope the best for ya

hopeful4

GET HIM OUT. Courts dont award that easily and if they see you dont enforce it they may not either.

Ksgirl

Thanks everyone, I had to call the Sheriff this morning because he got ahold of the truck keys. They of course, forced him to return them to me. I then proceeded to the courthouse to file a Motion for Contempt of a court order. TOTALLY OVER IT and throwing that hammer down as hard and fast as I can. Soon, very soon, we shall be free. Have a blessed day all!

zoso77

Thanks for the update. Remember: stay in the moment and focus on what you have to do.

Hawkeye13

You're doing the right thing. Keep going forward.

Ksgirl

Well it worked, as I type this he is loading a UHAUL to get out. I hand delivered him a copy of the Motion for Contempt this morning and that's all it took. Please God, let this go as smoothly as possible, I am ready for a new life for me and my sons.

zoso77

I would, if I were you, prepare for the worst. I would expect him to play the victim card and the "how can you do this to me" card. I would also expect gratutious insults to fly in your immediate direction.

Do not engage with him at that level. If he wants to mouth off, let him. Do not take the bait.

You can do it. Good luck.

hopeful4

I agree. My X did the bad mouthing of me, the guilt and the manipulation. I let it go and did not engage. It did work as he hardly ever pulls that crap now. If I would have engaged it would be ongoing forever.

Glad you stood up for yourself and he is leaving!!!!

Ksgirl

He's GONE!! Took a whole three hours. Not too bad in the mouthy dept. A few disagreements on items but nothing major. I had a long talk with my boys afterward.
They said they feel like it really wont be that different since they rarely saw him. Praying for their hearts to heal. Thanks for all the support everyone.

Txhelp

Congrats to a move peaceful existence! Many prayers to you and your family...and even your ex! I hope you all find your way to a healthier life.

Hawkeye13

change the locks and enjoy your addiction-free living space

hopeful4

Good for you! Glad it went ok.

Ksgirl

Well, I've been crying all afternoon...the bank manager told me she was closing the account his name was included on, on Wednesday..she never did SO....he used the last $200 I had to RENT HIS UHAUL yesterday, now I'm getting notices he's trying to get into the mortgage account online ( he's never paid it, just me ) I thought mistakenly that it would be easy when he left...still dealing with the psychotic BS and worrying about keeping utilities on etc while he runs around with all the money I helped him make this week PLUS some. I swear to The Lord above I will NOT ever live or be with an addict again I'm so angry right now...so SICK of him getting away with whatever he wants while I pick up the pieces...here's a good one ..he called my son last night around 8 to tell him "love you, it'll all be ok, good night" now excuse me, BUT the last 10 times he was out at night, not going to football, arriving at 3 am, he didn't bother to call THEN.. I blocked his number from my sons
Phone. Don't care right now, he wasn't here when he was "here", he's $14 K behind in support and he's a manipulator...NOT letting him call right now ughhhhhhh!!

zoso77

I'm so sorry, Ksgirl.

That said:

Allow me to gently suggest he's not getting away with anything. If anything, the foundation under his feet has disintegrated, and the price he's going to pay for his actions is going to be immense.

Yes, you're angry as f**k right now, and you're hurt. But try to remember that once you're clear of all this BS, the relief you will feel will be palpable. Trust me on this.

hopeful4

Hmmm....I think if the bank did not do what they said I would be calling them right away. I was super careful with this and opened all new accounts in my name only b/c I was scared that would get screwed up. I'm sorry.

XXX

Ksgirl

So tonight, he knocks on the door, (while the girlfriend is waiting in the car) and asks to get his something he forgot ...I was asleep and startled so I opened the garage, which is where it was. Then he hand delivers a copy of his Motion for Contempt....OMG, all lies, I cannot understand how losers find someone to lean on so damn fast. SHE typed it all, he is incapable and NONE of what is in there is true--then of course I get a text "try to act like the Christian you say you are and quit damaging the kids more" I am so pissed I could ....well I don't know what I could do. SICK OF IT

zoso77

That's because you're thinking about things rationally.

What addicts want in a partner is someone who will fully enable them and not challenge them when their behavior goes off the rails. And when you no longer enabled him, he went and found someone who did. This happens every day.

I would consider changing your phone number as a way to eliminate the unwanted texts.