barbsic

I am at the point now where I don't care anymore. MY husband is a drunk and I decided if i can beat him I will join him. I have three beautiful boys who need me. I am lost with what to do. ANyone there?

Gabe

Hey Barb,
Whoa and slow down.
Joining him isn't the answer, it really isn't.
I'm sure you'r feeling frustrated and angry right now, but let's go for something more constructive.
First of all, just by coming here, it is obvious that you are looking for help for yourself.
Good first step.
Have you thought about going to Alanon meetings?
That is a good way to meet people who are going through what you are going through.
Welcome to Sober Recovery. You have landed in a good place, that's full of people who care.
Gabe

prodigal

... but you don't want to walk down the same path of self-destruction he's walking down, do you? Think of your kids - they need a sober, sane parent to be there for them as a role model. Yeah, I've went the drunk route once upon a time by partying my face off with my AH and it made his disease more tolerable but I ended up with major stomach problems. I can't tolerate more than a moderate amount of booze, so I said "forget it" to joining my AH in his binges.

Stay here, keep posting, find an Al-Anon group in your area, get counseling - but for God's sake DON'T start getting drunk just to make the drunk in your life more tolerable!

paula a.

Been there, done that and Prodigal's right, all you'll get out of it is a big head and a hole in your stomach! The best (and hardest) thing you can do right now is stop worrying about him and start worrying about you and your babies. By being here, you've already started. This board is a safe place, full of caring, understanding people who have been where you are. Stick around and read awhile, it will help!
Hugs,
Paula

Dazimae

I tried that to hehe didn;t work he thought " Oh kool" I realized my children need one sane parent to give them as much stability and security that they can. hang in there.
work on your steps. and DON:T give in.. it is easier to get sucked into his life than it is to pull him out of it.

HOPEFULL

sorry but i do not believe you mean that at all.. of course you are saying that to stress your disgust for your life maybe to anyone that will listen, we get it, its ok, tomorrow is antoher day and it will be better than today.. but you have to know it is him, not you that is the problem. if he wants to trash his life tell him fine, but i will not trash mine. pick yourself up , dust yourself off and find your strengh, it is there you just need to let it out. if you live with him and your kids are living this nightmare its time for drastic steps. kick his ass out.. look at your kids, and talk to them, ask them if they are happy or scared.. you will find strengh in them. get to some meetings too...

sunflowergal29

Welcome, Barbsic.
I tried that approach too w/ my 1st h, didn't get me very far either, lol! My 1st son was one at the time and I quickly realized that I couldn't be a responsible parent and a user at the same time- just doesn't work. So, I tried everything else to try and get him to stop (that didn't work either). After a divorce, a few more life threatening accidents, and his life becoming completely unmanageable, he finally hit his bottom. I realize now that I am/was very powerless over trying to get him to hit that bottom, that he did it in his time, not mine. It is frustrating, but all we can really do is just take care of ourselves and set boundaries that are based on what we can live with/what is good for us.
Also, whether you choose to stay with him or leave him is entirely up to you. No one has the right to tell you what you need to do, what is good for you. You can find peace and serenity either way no matter what you choose. I guess what I am trying to say is that even if your h never gets sober, you can find happiness for you and your children. Take care and I hope to see you around SR! This place is a life saver for me!!
-SFG29

2Sunshine

Hi Barb,

I been there done that too, of course it didn't work either. we want to be with them so desperately that making the wrong choice seems logically to be the only choice. well there are also things to consider in making any decision---only a good one can be when we are in full faculties with our senses...not lying to ourselves with lame excuses and thinking of someone other than me and it....we must think of the little people as well--they are so fragile in their formative years--we are suffering from different mind-sets from the things that we were exposed to as children, even if it was a great Big Nothing...that still made an impact.

So in looking at things in a balanced, clear mental state-=-(as much as posible while in the eye of the storm)-=-we are challenged to make the very best possible choices that we can muster up to do. sometimes even then we make the wrong choices, but, the wonderful thing about like is, is that there is always an opportunity to change our minds on things if our decision has not brought us to a screaching hault, as in something that has resulting in a detramental state--major injury---to the ultimate, death. so, contrast to that, we always of the power of choice.

So, in staying in addicted, dysfunctional relationships with our children, we run the inevitable of having to enlist our children in receiving the same treatments as ourselves, "adolescent children of addicts" treament.....................so the story goes on................................................ ............................

Barb, praying peace for you and wisdom for your heart and the direction of your mind to do whatever it is that you choose to do. the decision is always yours to make. you are not under the control of nothing and no one-------you are a free moral agent. you are in control of your own life....do the best that you can to have the best for you and yours. that is if that is what you want.

find the knowledge that is supplied for you here to learn and understand what you are dealing with and go from there---it is going to require work on your part and time. all you have to do is stay a while and read--------but you must also prepare your heart to make some decisions---------that is the core of change in your life....decision-makings. and we must do this over and over again.......that never ends. each new day brings a different set of decisions that have to and need to be made.

so help yourself by looking into the stickies here on the Nar-Anon board particularly and all the information on co-dependency as you can digest. It will truly be an eye-opener for you-----start with Addictions, Lies and Relationships, you will find it in the Nar-Anon Formum.

Wishing you well and make yourself at home here at SR.

ALLYMC

Hello!
I am also new to SR and I am overwhelmed with the positive, caring feedback here. Just always know you are not alone and never give up that one thing in your life you CAN control...yourself. Remain hopeful always..."To be without Hope is to deny the wonderful possibilities of the future." (odat)
Love and big hugs, Ally

Ladybugg

Barb.
I have been there too. It really added to all of the chaos in our lives...besides I couldn't keep up with him.
Really...you can feel better about your situation.
Just keep reading and posting.
You have kids to take care of and yourself too.
You have to try and live...no matter what he is doing.
Stick around!!!
Hugs, Michelle