oceanlady1958

the son that i thought was going to stay in jail may be released on monday due to the last minor charges he received. 13 arrests- 4 of them felonies, stabbing, 8 failed rehabs and here we go again. i have gotten too the point where i no longer will take the vicious cycle of his abuse , however my husband has not. he will not attend meeting with me, he believes my 24 yr old will seek help yet again while he awaits his other court dates. i am in a state of panic that my life will become unmaagable if he is under my roof. i lock the doors, set the boundaries but my husband does not. despite the fact that if was hospitalized with 3 breakdowns my husband still is being manipulated by my son. i feel powerless and hopeless in this battle alone. my friends have offered my their homes to stay in so i can remain sane however my younger son 19 will deal with his brothers addition on a daily basis. the drug dealers will be back, the insanity will return. my husband feels guilt to throw the addict son to the street. i have come to the point that no matter what i do to save myself from this insanity my husnad will undermine all my efforts. i am not the one who should leave my home and neither should any o us. my husband will continue to enable him and i just can't get him on the same page. if it wasn't for my 19 year old unaddicted son i would have left years ag0. i am emotionally spendt and physically ill over my sons addiction and lack of support on my husbands behalf. he will be released and using within the hour just like last time. only this time, i can't fix the mess and no longer care to. how do i get my husband to stay on the same page? how much more can i endure? i try to find the strength but i just have nothing left . i cannot drag my husband to a meeting i cannot change my current living arrangements , how do i live with the chaos that will insue?

suki44883

You cannot control your husband any more than you can control your addict son. They are going to do what they are going to do. When you have absolutely had enough, you will save yourself. Your 19 year old can either come with you, stay there, or get a place of his own. You can't save everyone, but you can save yourself.

You should not have to live with active addiction, but unless you do something about it, you will live with it.

scaredsister92

Is there a way for your 19yo to come with you? I'm so sorry this sounds so awfully hard for you I can't even imagine it. Maybe if you and your unaddicted son move out and your husband has to deal with your AS alone he'll realise that tough love is the only way to help?

Praying for you.

zoso77

OL,

The only thing that you can affect is yourself, your behavior, and your choices. Your son is going to do whatever it is he does. And frankly, the same goes for your husband. The only way that your husband will learn is by making the same mistakes over, and over, and over again...until he realizes that, like you've learned, it doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do for your son.

Some difficult decisions are on your doorstep. Do what you believe is the right thing for you.

Hawkeye13

I would go stay with friends for awhile--at least until after he's released and does what he's going to do.

Just get out of it for awhile. Sounds like you are at the end of your ability to deal.
Let your husband face it alone for awhile and maybe he'll start to get it.

hopeful4

I am going to gently agree with what was said above. I hate to say, I would take my 19 yr old and leave. Maybe your husband needs to realize what else is on the line here. It sounds like there are other charges pending, I sadly hope he returns to jail for those.

The prison's are overcrowded and have no idea what to do with addicts, so they let them go too early.

I am so sorry. Praying for all of you.

Ecotime47

I'm so sorry. I'm praying for all of you today. Hang in there.

needingabreak

I am so sorry you are going through this. As others have stated you need to take care of yourself. Maybe if you leave with the 19 year old your husband will wake up.....maybe not. He has to figure it out for himself but your emotional we'll being shouldn't be at stake. Race care of yourself and do what you have to. Life is short.

chicory

I agree, Ocean. You could leave with your son and stay with friends. It may be only a matter of time before AS ends up in jail, sadly, and then you could return. Your hubby does need to see what this is costing his family.

Perhaps husband could find a place for hjis self and AS to stay temporarily.

I am all for you taking yourself and your younger son out of harms way. at whatever cost. let friends help you, if they offered. that is what friends are for.
hugs and prayers