How to feel how to feel?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
How to feel how to feel?
Some days I feel strong and empowered. Like I am ready to make the jump, ready to take on whatever comes my way.
Some days I just want to accept that this is my normal, this is what God handed me to live with. Today is one of these days.
I am supposed to call the lender at 9:15, to discuss my options on the house. I have no idea if I've been prequalified or not. I'm nervous. I'm scared.
I have a job interview this afternoon and I really need this. But I am terrible at interviews.
I'm praying that my HP will give me the strength to not self-destruct. I know ABF is going through a lot right now with possibly his cancer being back. But that doesn't make me forget all the nights he's put me through putting up with his drunken rants and verbal abuse. Last night he was trying to be his version of helpful. He went to the grocery store before I got home, and even got cash for me that I needed/he owed me. He watched our DD while I went for a walk with a friend. (ps he was still drinking) This only happens occasionally, and I've been trained to think that its normal like this, when I know it should be all the time.
I know I've been posting a lot lately, I hope its not getting on anyone's nerves. Thank you for being there for me!
Right now I'm so anxious I could puke!
Some days I just want to accept that this is my normal, this is what God handed me to live with. Today is one of these days.
I am supposed to call the lender at 9:15, to discuss my options on the house. I have no idea if I've been prequalified or not. I'm nervous. I'm scared.
I have a job interview this afternoon and I really need this. But I am terrible at interviews.
I'm praying that my HP will give me the strength to not self-destruct. I know ABF is going through a lot right now with possibly his cancer being back. But that doesn't make me forget all the nights he's put me through putting up with his drunken rants and verbal abuse. Last night he was trying to be his version of helpful. He went to the grocery store before I got home, and even got cash for me that I needed/he owed me. He watched our DD while I went for a walk with a friend. (ps he was still drinking) This only happens occasionally, and I've been trained to think that its normal like this, when I know it should be all the time.
I know I've been posting a lot lately, I hope its not getting on anyone's nerves. Thank you for being there for me!
Right now I'm so anxious I could puke!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
Hugs Blossom! You are not alone.
I too experience the range of emotions. I go from feeling energetic and excited to numb to sad and hopeless. It all comes in waves which I just accept as part of the grieving process. I am grieving the loss of my marriage and what I thought my future would be.
Luckily the feelings pass fairly quickly-after a few hours of sadness I am back to just ok or happy again. I know that for me to move on I have to work through those feelings as hard as they are. I try to concentrate on the here and now and the things I am thankful for. My kids, my friends, my family, nature, animals, the summer sun.
Best of luck to you today with the job interview and the pre-qualification. Its in your HP hands and it will all play out as it is meant to be.
I too experience the range of emotions. I go from feeling energetic and excited to numb to sad and hopeless. It all comes in waves which I just accept as part of the grieving process. I am grieving the loss of my marriage and what I thought my future would be.
Luckily the feelings pass fairly quickly-after a few hours of sadness I am back to just ok or happy again. I know that for me to move on I have to work through those feelings as hard as they are. I try to concentrate on the here and now and the things I am thankful for. My kids, my friends, my family, nature, animals, the summer sun.
Best of luck to you today with the job interview and the pre-qualification. Its in your HP hands and it will all play out as it is meant to be.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
((Blossom))
Breathe. Be yourself in the interview. You can do this.
If things are meant to be, they will be. You put your best effort forward, stay in touch with your HP, and let the cards fall where they may. I am saying this about the job and the house.
As far as your ABF, like you said, he is still drinking. His behaviors in the past are abuse. Only you can decide how much of that you will take because it will happen again.
Tight Hugs. You are making huge and very good progress. Good luck today, praying for you. Let us know how it goes!
Breathe. Be yourself in the interview. You can do this.
If things are meant to be, they will be. You put your best effort forward, stay in touch with your HP, and let the cards fall where they may. I am saying this about the job and the house.
As far as your ABF, like you said, he is still drinking. His behaviors in the past are abuse. Only you can decide how much of that you will take because it will happen again.
Tight Hugs. You are making huge and very good progress. Good luck today, praying for you. Let us know how it goes!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Some days I just want to accept that this is my normal, this is what God handed me to live with. Today is one of these days.
An abusive husband is not "your cross to bear" -- it is evil. If we're talking in metaphysical terms. Keep moving forward. You are stronger than you think.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Thank you everyone. Yesterday was hard, I guess it is just too much going on at once.
The lender called, my credit is better than I thought but it needs a little work. She said if I pay my credit card down then it should go up enough to get pre-approved (I have a 200 dollar limit one...so thats not too bad)
I sent her the rest of the documents she needs in the meantime, so its better news that I thought.
I think the job interview went well...I took someone's advice from here and I stopped and bought a ** cent lipstick in a pretty shade and put that on for the interview for confidence
It seemed to go good, we will see. I hand wrote a thank you card yesterday afternoon and mailed it out. I'm hoping that and the written reference I brought in from an old manager will stick out in a good way.
I'm moving forward, but I can't say its gracefully. We postponed our daughters birthday until after we get back from vacation since money is tight. But that also gives me more of a chance to pay off my credit card sooner so I can look at that as a positive.
ABF has been extra nice since finding out he may be sick again...texting me "good morning" and trying to help figure out dinner and asking me if I wanted to have friends over this weekend. I said no, because honestly I'm not good company. I'm in one of those moods where I really REALLY need that support but I'm pushing people away and I don't realize it until after I've done it. So right now I'm avoiding them until I can get back to being friendly.
Thank you everyone for being here. I was reading your responses yesterday and almost cried at my desk, its a relief to have people who can relate even to parts of my situation and give advice.
The lender called, my credit is better than I thought but it needs a little work. She said if I pay my credit card down then it should go up enough to get pre-approved (I have a 200 dollar limit one...so thats not too bad)
I sent her the rest of the documents she needs in the meantime, so its better news that I thought.
I think the job interview went well...I took someone's advice from here and I stopped and bought a ** cent lipstick in a pretty shade and put that on for the interview for confidence
It seemed to go good, we will see. I hand wrote a thank you card yesterday afternoon and mailed it out. I'm hoping that and the written reference I brought in from an old manager will stick out in a good way.
I'm moving forward, but I can't say its gracefully. We postponed our daughters birthday until after we get back from vacation since money is tight. But that also gives me more of a chance to pay off my credit card sooner so I can look at that as a positive.
ABF has been extra nice since finding out he may be sick again...texting me "good morning" and trying to help figure out dinner and asking me if I wanted to have friends over this weekend. I said no, because honestly I'm not good company. I'm in one of those moods where I really REALLY need that support but I'm pushing people away and I don't realize it until after I've done it. So right now I'm avoiding them until I can get back to being friendly.
Thank you everyone for being here. I was reading your responses yesterday and almost cried at my desk, its a relief to have people who can relate even to parts of my situation and give advice.
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