Missing the booze
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 275
Missing the booze
Hello everyone! It's been a while since I've posted, but I read all the posts frequently! I just got done with a wonderful holiday weekend! It was warm, sunny, and spent with great family and friends! however, I have to admit something seemed to be missing. Probably not alcohol and its exact form, but maybe the relaxed, easy-going feeling that comes along with it. I haven't had a drink in 80 days, and although I feel great, recently I have begun to miss certain things that come along with drinking. (Or so it seems) There are days, and an occasional week that will go by where I don't think of alcohol at all, but then there are weekends like this one, where I can't stop thinking about it! Then I tell myself I'm only thinking about it because I have a problem with it and people who drink normally don't think about it like that. Things are better, but they're not that different I guess... I keep telling myself to give this time and it will get easier, but it certainly is frustrating! Im gonna keep at it, but can't stop thinking about a glass of freaking wine! Make it go away!! 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
During such cravings, I had to ask myself what is that drink going to do for me today? . . . the problem with the thoughts of alcohol is usually they are seen as a future event and it looks fantastic, but the reality is quite different, after you've had that drink what is it going to do for you? I really needed to hammer this into myself to realise that drink would do nothing for my day, sometimes it's only a default go to as life isn't exciting today, so maybe a drink might fix that, but will it?
Keep pushing through!!
Keep pushing through!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Congrats on your 80 days, that's quite an accomplishment!
I felt the same way, and to be honest I still occasionally get those thoughts - albeit not strong cravings. I drank for so many years that I don't think I'll ever completely erase all memories of my drinking life from my head.
I think for me that it really took a full calendar year of "firsts" ( first 4th of july sober, first birthday sober, first hunting camp sober, first christmas/new years sober,..etc ) to start to really feel comfortable in my own skin, especially around others who might be drinking.
I felt the same way, and to be honest I still occasionally get those thoughts - albeit not strong cravings. I drank for so many years that I don't think I'll ever completely erase all memories of my drinking life from my head.
I think for me that it really took a full calendar year of "firsts" ( first 4th of july sober, first birthday sober, first hunting camp sober, first christmas/new years sober,..etc ) to start to really feel comfortable in my own skin, especially around others who might be drinking.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Congrats on 80 days. That is awesome.
As far as "missing" booze, that's usually the end result of entertaining fantasies of alcohol, the "romancing" of the good times. Just part of the insanity of our addiction. We can romanticize the good times, even though those times were likely years ago, yet we can't recall, with sufficient strength, the misery of our last drinking episode.
Nip those thoughts. It's just the AV in a different form. Stay strong.
As far as "missing" booze, that's usually the end result of entertaining fantasies of alcohol, the "romancing" of the good times. Just part of the insanity of our addiction. We can romanticize the good times, even though those times were likely years ago, yet we can't recall, with sufficient strength, the misery of our last drinking episode.
Nip those thoughts. It's just the AV in a different form. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
80 days! that's great congrats
I'm just coming up on 60 on Friday and have been thinking about that damned glass of wine as well, moreso this week b/c I have a lot of different things going on. Work, relationship, financial stress is all balling up on me...but NO. Like my angry cat sig says.
stay strong!
congrats I'm just coming up on 60 on Friday and have been thinking about that damned glass of wine as well, moreso this week b/c I have a lot of different things going on. Work, relationship, financial stress is all balling up on me...but NO. Like my angry cat sig says.
stay strong!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 61
Congrats on the 80!
That feeling of nonchalance is probably what many miss the most about alcohol (or any drug that is a depressant), especially in our anxiety-riddled culture. That being said, a huge part of that feeling is illusory. Alcohol actually increases the stress hormones in your brain. It's similar with smoking. Even though you think a cig is making you feel calm and cool it's elevating your blood pressure and generally making you more stressed out.
I've struggled a lot with this but I've found that cultivating a healthy sort of "f*ck it" attitude is helpful, a sort of spiritually positive resignation. The more you train yourself to chill out without chemicals the better at it you become (which is obviously a task for a lifetime).
Good luck on your sober Zen.
That feeling of nonchalance is probably what many miss the most about alcohol (or any drug that is a depressant), especially in our anxiety-riddled culture. That being said, a huge part of that feeling is illusory. Alcohol actually increases the stress hormones in your brain. It's similar with smoking. Even though you think a cig is making you feel calm and cool it's elevating your blood pressure and generally making you more stressed out.
I've struggled a lot with this but I've found that cultivating a healthy sort of "f*ck it" attitude is helpful, a sort of spiritually positive resignation. The more you train yourself to chill out without chemicals the better at it you become (which is obviously a task for a lifetime).
Good luck on your sober Zen.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Congratulations! I saw a quote on SR last night that made a lot of sense to me:
Do you give up everything to have one thing or do you give up one thing to have everything?
Yes, alcohol did give me a wonderful, free, relaxed feeling for 60-90 minutes most of the times I drank it. However the price I had to pay for that short-lived feeling included: horrible hangovers, shame, guilt, the worst memories of my life, blackouts, expense, concerns about driving, ulcers and other health issues, weight gain and less muscle tone, red eyes, loss of self esteem, relationship problems, memory loss, neuropathy, constant bloat and gassiness, loss of energy and zest for life, stained teeth (I loved red wine), jokes at my expense, obsession with alcohol, worried my children etc. etc. (and I am considered a high-bottom drunk. I didn't yet have legal or marital or job issues or liver issues when I quit.)
Hmmm, where's the scale to see if the short buzz is worth it??? he he he
Do you give up everything to have one thing or do you give up one thing to have everything?
Yes, alcohol did give me a wonderful, free, relaxed feeling for 60-90 minutes most of the times I drank it. However the price I had to pay for that short-lived feeling included: horrible hangovers, shame, guilt, the worst memories of my life, blackouts, expense, concerns about driving, ulcers and other health issues, weight gain and less muscle tone, red eyes, loss of self esteem, relationship problems, memory loss, neuropathy, constant bloat and gassiness, loss of energy and zest for life, stained teeth (I loved red wine), jokes at my expense, obsession with alcohol, worried my children etc. etc. (and I am considered a high-bottom drunk. I didn't yet have legal or marital or job issues or liver issues when I quit.)
Hmmm, where's the scale to see if the short buzz is worth it??? he he he
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 275
Thank you for the replies all! really helps to see all that in writing! I just get so frustrated with the back and forth thought process of my brain! I guess that's the way it is though. Having a pretty bad day in general and it's hard not to go to the bad side and think something like alcohol would help, when in reality it would only make things worse of course. I made a promise to myself to keep this up for at least a year, so hopefully as time goes on it will get easier!
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I think to took six months or so before my emotions got uncoupled enpugh from alcohol.
In a way your post is about triggers that you are having sober and haven't "got over " yet. I think of your experience as being a more subtle type of craving compared to the full on ones of early recovery. I think the changing seasons and events like xmas, other anniversaries are important- it helps to go through them once sober, to learn a new way of being.
If alcohol only gave us pleasant relaxation and fun we would all still be drinking.
In a way your post is about triggers that you are having sober and haven't "got over " yet. I think of your experience as being a more subtle type of craving compared to the full on ones of early recovery. I think the changing seasons and events like xmas, other anniversaries are important- it helps to go through them once sober, to learn a new way of being.
If alcohol only gave us pleasant relaxation and fun we would all still be drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I think that gradually your mind will stop connecting with thoughts of alcohol. Maybe you can make plans to do different things on the weekends? Congratulations on 80 days sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I used to miss that relaxed feeling too - but I wonder now how true that memory is.
I can remember times I was relaxed...but I was so relaxed I fell over, or said something inappropriate, or got sick.
The times that I got relaxed and nothing bad happened, then or later, were pretty rare.
The times I got relaxed, and then stopped drinking when I felt relaxed, were non existent.
It's a case of be careful what you wish for really - make sure you're not romancing a fantasy here Pinot...it's easy to do.
80 days is great - don't let the lies get ya
D
I can remember times I was relaxed...but I was so relaxed I fell over, or said something inappropriate, or got sick.
The times that I got relaxed and nothing bad happened, then or later, were pretty rare.
The times I got relaxed, and then stopped drinking when I felt relaxed, were non existent.
It's a case of be careful what you wish for really - make sure you're not romancing a fantasy here Pinot...it's easy to do.
80 days is great - don't let the lies get ya
D
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Your post is timely for me. I sensed something (for myself) when reading it...and then sensed it again when Anna mentioned something about planning something differently for weekends...
I had a discussion with a gal pal today who just returned from a weekend away. She doesn't have a problem but ties on one once in awhile. Anyways she talked about the drinking and activities and it occurred to me that I will simply not "vacation" in the same way I did as in the past. My leisure time will probably look at lot different.
One of my favourite vacations was to a family cabin on the lake. Drinking occurred pretty much everyday. Happy hour started at 3:30 for us ..and the cabin neighbors. It is not that I cannot ever spend time there again but it won't be sitting around the beach without plans...allowing alcohol to be my tour guide so to speak. I'm going to have to put some effort into it. Much of my life has been lived "without plans". I just open a bottle of wine...and let the games begin.
Sad really. That's not to say I didn't have good times...but holy cow...been there, done that. And there comes a time to put away childish things..as the saying goes. In a telephone conversation with my mother this morning she noted that I really should start reading the newspaper (ya..I don't...very often). I had to acknowledge that my life is sadly...undeveloped.
Yes, we will be wistful for the things that change from time to time...but I know..even from my own relapse...how small my life became again right under my nose. It is only in the return to sobriety do I see that things I appreciated about sobriety last go...how much I enjoyed listening to CBC radio, or reading books, my breakfast diner, SR chuckles and resonance..or evening driving..lol.
What's that ole saying...grass always looks greener on the other side.
Oh my...never ever thought that old cliche could be applied to sobriety and drinking..but I think it does.
I had a discussion with a gal pal today who just returned from a weekend away. She doesn't have a problem but ties on one once in awhile. Anyways she talked about the drinking and activities and it occurred to me that I will simply not "vacation" in the same way I did as in the past. My leisure time will probably look at lot different.
One of my favourite vacations was to a family cabin on the lake. Drinking occurred pretty much everyday. Happy hour started at 3:30 for us ..and the cabin neighbors. It is not that I cannot ever spend time there again but it won't be sitting around the beach without plans...allowing alcohol to be my tour guide so to speak. I'm going to have to put some effort into it. Much of my life has been lived "without plans". I just open a bottle of wine...and let the games begin.
Sad really. That's not to say I didn't have good times...but holy cow...been there, done that. And there comes a time to put away childish things..as the saying goes. In a telephone conversation with my mother this morning she noted that I really should start reading the newspaper (ya..I don't...very often). I had to acknowledge that my life is sadly...undeveloped.
Yes, we will be wistful for the things that change from time to time...but I know..even from my own relapse...how small my life became again right under my nose. It is only in the return to sobriety do I see that things I appreciated about sobriety last go...how much I enjoyed listening to CBC radio, or reading books, my breakfast diner, SR chuckles and resonance..or evening driving..lol.
What's that ole saying...grass always looks greener on the other side.
Oh my...never ever thought that old cliche could be applied to sobriety and drinking..but I think it does.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
what i has to do was find a way i could remember all the bad things booze did to me
next time you remember a good relaxed feeling or wondering off into the bright lights of drink thoughts
try and write down on paper why it is you dont drink anymore
remember the hang overs or the wet beds or the shakes or the guild and shame the next day would bring etc
next time you remember a good relaxed feeling or wondering off into the bright lights of drink thoughts
try and write down on paper why it is you dont drink anymore
remember the hang overs or the wet beds or the shakes or the guild and shame the next day would bring etc
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I used to miss that relaxed feeling too - but I wonder now how true that memory is.
I can remember times I was relaxed...but I was so relaxed I fell over, or said something inappropriate, or got sick.
I can remember times I was relaxed...but I was so relaxed I fell over, or said something inappropriate, or got sick.
Pinot, I realize this is going to sound really annoying since I say it so much but...give it time! I did wonder in early sobriety if I'd ever relax or have fun again. But I have, and you will too. It just takes some time. I wish it didn't or that I had a better answer but unfortunately there are not shortcuts that I know of.
But you're doing great! Hang in there!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Rotten and gone off grape juice ?
Other people dress it up in all kinds of ways , advertising eh ?
You want to relax and unwind maybe it's time for a sauna and massage ? You want to tune out for a while go visit a graveyard or park and see the trees and grass and enjoy some peace . Take a shower or a bubble bath .
Imbibing a toxin for it's toxic effects , memory loss , muscle relaxant , blood pressure , kidneys having to work hard , liver straining , puffiness in your face , sweats , bad breath dry tongue , salty food cravings , slips in personal presentation and in relations with people , putting toxic stress on the body .
That's what a drink really is , a toxin with good marketing . If you want to relax and break loose you can do that without alcohol and make some good memories at the same time
Keep on
m
Other people dress it up in all kinds of ways , advertising eh ?
You want to relax and unwind maybe it's time for a sauna and massage ? You want to tune out for a while go visit a graveyard or park and see the trees and grass and enjoy some peace . Take a shower or a bubble bath .
Imbibing a toxin for it's toxic effects , memory loss , muscle relaxant , blood pressure , kidneys having to work hard , liver straining , puffiness in your face , sweats , bad breath dry tongue , salty food cravings , slips in personal presentation and in relations with people , putting toxic stress on the body .
That's what a drink really is , a toxin with good marketing . If you want to relax and break loose you can do that without alcohol and make some good memories at the same time
Keep on
m
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