MamaCas

As I've shared before, the addict that turned our lives completely upside down is my daughter's ex-fiance...I will refer to him as M. He went to rehab for thirty days then transferred to an inpatient facility in our town. As best I can tell, he stayed there a couple weeks. He met with my daughter when he came back to town because she was going to allow him to see his son but wanted to set some ground rules and get a feel for where M was with his recovery. She asked three things of him : 1) She wanted to meet with M and his counselor at the rehab knowing that if M were really trying he would want that. Her only goal in this meeting was to ask the counselor if he felt M was ready to be put back in his son's life. She wasn't interested in any deep dark feelings M had shared with the counselor or the details of what M has been doing. 2) M needed to get a job; and 3) M needed to share in the financial responsibility for their son. Previously she agreed to $15 per week (which NEVER happened) but she has since filed for child support through the courts.

As a result, M claimed 1) his counselor doesn't meet with family members (HA!) 2) He has a job (HA!) 3) He WILL provide financially for his son (hasn't and is actually dodging the letters sent from the court). Oh, and last time my daughter spoke with him he told her she was a bad mother for keeping their son from his father. Really? Because last time I checked she is the one working to pay for everything he needs, planning his birthday party, reading to him every night, teaching him to swim, ... my daughter blocked M from her phone.

So, this past weekend we are on facebook and there he is in a car with two girls (one is 19...he is 31) and a guy. They are having so much fun headed to Dallas for a concert etc etc. Next day, they've driven all night after the concert from Dallas to DESTIN, FL!!!! Eating along the way, stopping to take inappropriate pictures under highway signs. Just total ridiculousness! All the people on this impromptu road trip are from his "recovery" group. The 19 year old has been clean 2 years, the other girl is 39 and his been clean for a few year, and the guy is late 40's and has been clean for a year. Oh, and the 19 year comments on facebook that he is her "roommate". My daughter blocked him from her facebook ...

Bottom line...he's not clean or if he is, he's not interested in being a Dad. Is that a fair assumption?

Thanks for letting me say all this!!!!

zoso77

More than fair, MamaCas. Sorry that this is happening. But I'm not surprised. I bet you're not, either.

Remember: personal responsibility and accountability are mortal enemies to the addict. Encourage your daughter to do what is necessary from this point forward.

hopeful4

Very very fair assumption. I would actually try to get him to terminate parental rights, she's not going to get any $ from him, so why not try and use that to terminate his rights?

Just my .02. I am sorry.

XXX

MamaCas

She and I both would LOVE for that to happen. She has the paperwork she needs him to sign to make that happen and the lawyer said she could tell him if he signs it his child support case will go away. I honestly don't think he would do it voluntarily. From what we've been told, once the support order is in affect and he doesn't pay for one year, she can file for termination of his rights based on abandonment. But, a year is a long time to wait for something like that. Thank you for you .02 I appreciate the support!

MamaCas

Took a big step today...I recognize that I have been WAY too involved in this whole mess but I just couldn't let go. My daugther has been so hurt and I have been in constant worry about my grandson's future. Anway, may seem small but to me it's big ... I unfriended him on fb and sent him a text telling him he is not to text or call me when he can't get in touch with my daugther (because she blocked him from her phone). In the past, he's always pulled me in with his ridiculous manipulating texts. I told him that if he was ever ready to make amends/restitution my husband and I would be more than willing to hear him out but until then do not contact me. I finally realized that I'm never going to heal from this and be strong for my daughter until I let go of him and all his bs. So, my goal is to enjoy my grandson (his 1st birthday is coming up!) and not borrow trouble from the future Last night my daugther told me she made an appointment with a therapist. I have been begging her to go and this is a huge answered prayer!
Thank you all for always being here! One day at a time ...

Patticakes

Smart Momma! Good for you!! Take care of YOU and that shows your daughter the value of taking care of herself AND her son! Stand strong......stand proud. You are a wonderful Mom and Grandma!!

MamaCas

One more thing y'all ... . My daughter had a MELTDOWN tonight. She was just feeling life was unfair, ex is a liar and gets to run around and do whatever he wants while she is the sole provider for her son, etc etc. AND THEN, her son took his first steps tonight!!!!! Her response, "God just slapped me in the face and showed me where my blessings are." She got to see that and her ex didn't!! Feeling thankful and like we are headed in a good direction

hopeful4

You and your daughter are doing great. So very proud of you, thank you for the great update! Tell your daughter we all have meltdowns once in a while, its what happens next what really counts!

XXX