Hopeitlasts

Hi,

I stopped drinking 11 days ago (technically 12 this evening,not that I'm counting...) and am really struggling with urges and cravings. I wasn't (or am not??) an all day every day drinker, more 4 to 5 evenings a week either after work or weekends, but after the first drink, it's like a switch is tripped and I'm insatiable. I actually love the hit of a few (3 to 4) really rapid drinks initially.

Yesterday my partner and I arrived abroad for a weeks holiday we booked months ago. Well I can certainly say the cravings I had back home have now intensified which I didn't think was possible. Everywhere we go, people drinking, laughter, my brains getting excited in anticipation, saying this is drinky time, but I can't, as my mrs will be let down and I myself will probably feel remorse the next day. But at those moments in that environment, I'm trying to convince myself and her that I'll only have 2 drinks. This morning I'm glad she was firm with me as we both know I wouldn't stop at 2. What a horrible thing this is.

To further complicate issues, I've been on anti depressants for several years, without successful treatment. I'm wondering if this has been partly due to regular drinking, however there are a few occasions where I've stopped for a week in recent years and it didn't seem to improve the darkness. At least that's what I remember and try to tell myself every evening these days.

What I can say is that after 11 days without alcohol, I'm not sleeping half as much and feel like I have a bit more energy. That's the only plus this far. I realise we are all different, but can anyone tell me when there will be a time I won't feel the urge, need and desire to drink? A big issue for me is, I still LOVE drinking, and miss it so much.

Sorry if this is posted in wrong place, I'm just struggling and would really appreciate any advice, as I fear I'll be on the sauce again soon.

Dee74

Hi Hopeitlasts
You're absolutely in the right place.

Yeah being on holiday on day 11/12 is a big ask, but not impossible.

You'll just have to be really committed to the idea that drinking is toxic for you, and that it's your first drink that starts the damage not your last one.

Here are some tips for cravings:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

Do you have any support apart from us?

D

Hopeitlasts

Hi Dee,

Thanks for your response, much appreciated as I feel very lonely. My partner is being a great support, however my immediate family seem to be in denial and don't mention it. My first day of sobriety involved a visit to my GP and was a reality check. He's referred me to alcohol counselling, I've an appointment next Wednesday. Apart front that I'm hoping that this forum will give some of the hope, courage and strength I need to keep on keeping on....

Thanks

PurpleKnight

For me hammering out the reasons for quitting? and what alcohol was actually adding to my life? was important for a solid foundation to build on in terms of cravings, so working out what you "love" about drinking verses why you decided you needed to quit.

A lot of my cravings came from the romanticism and nostalgia of drinking, as you said you "miss it so much", what exactly do you miss? when I figured this out it was either missing something that never existed in the first place eg a romanticised notion of what drinking was like, a few beers on a hot Saturday afternoon, a glass of wine over dinner, but the reality was very much different, it was never only "a few".

Also I missed the fact that it passed time very easily as I was getting bored with having so much time on my hands, but that was simply taking the easy option rather than filling my time with new activities.

It's different for everyone, but I really needed to hammer home what exactly was my mind telling me? why did I want to drink? and cross out all the myths that my mind was feeding me!!

You can do this!!

bellaboos

Welcome Hopeitlasts!
I can completely understand how the urges are getting to you as it's still early days in your sobriety. You've done the right thing in posting here before drinking.
The last holiday I went to was an all inclusive trip to Turkey, safe to say I took advantage of the all inclusive element. To cut a long story short I came home needing another holiday. A holiday free from alcohol. A proper holiday. One where I relaxed, had quality me time, saw the sites, experienced something different, enjoyed life etc. There's temptation all around you at the moment, just keep reminding yourself of that switch..it gets flipped every time we drink without failure.
I also went on antidepressants for a year but came off them as drinking just rendered them useless, in my case it was the booze making me depressed and anxious
Stay focused and strong and have a holiday to remember, not like mine..I'm surprised I came back alive

HeadLump

A very warm welcome from down south, Hope You've certainly set yourself a challenge going on holiday so early in sobriety, but it can be done, and hopefully you'll feel much better for it and might actually remember some of it! It's good that you have a partner to support you (and a pretty clued-up one at that!)

I missed drinking in the beginning, but being 'present' and aware and awake is so much better. After the first month or so, the benefits (especially psychological ones) were so great that I really didn't want to drink any more.

Your antidepressants will work much better without alcohol, too, so you should start feeling more of an effect from them soon.

It's great that you've seen a need to change your life and brilliant that you're actually doing it. And now that you've joined SR, you'll have all of us rooting for you, too!

Rippstein

Best wishes Hope. I'm new here on the forums and I'm finding this is a great compliment to my meetings. It's very brave what you are doing, keep up the good work!

Hopeitlasts

Thanks for the support.

In answer to what I love about it and miss, the initial rush from the initial rapid drinks, then I keep chasing that feeling. Also the escape from reality (which I now realise just postpones and worsens the situations/circumstances being avoided).

I truly don't want to carry on "loving" alcohol,and it doesn't really add anything of value to my life, except that temporary buzz. This is what I hope to learn to live without.

It's really helping just having this dialogue this morning, and is keeping me on the right side of the fence, so huge thanks to all...

Deckard

Welcome, Hope.

You are very perceptive to put scare quotes around the word loving. What you are dealing with is not love.

Someone else said it best: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

What you are dealing with is addiction, and it is based on lies. If you can see the difference then you are well on your way...

Hopeitlasts

Well folks, I'm now on day 14 without a drink, and day 4 of our weeks holiday on this lovely island. During the day time is not too bad, but man oh man the evenings are really difficult. It's so frustrating, as after a really difficult 1st night the 2nd was a bit easier, so I was optimistic things were improving. How wrong I was, last night was really really tough.
What scares me is that in those moments I'd gladly give in and drink, but manage to avoid through (repeated) debate with my mrs. Then when I wake up in the morning I'm so glad I didn't succumb. I expect this will repeat tonight and tomorrow..:-(

I had no idea the draw towards another drink would be so powerful, feel quite shocked and naive. No matter how strong I feel and certain I'm doing the right thing, it is all instantly erased and overtaken by desire in those moments, instantly.

Here's hoping I can stay on track, I'm petrified of waking up having gave in, as know it will be messy and regretted.

HeadLump

Stay strong, Hope. Holiday mornings are awful with a hangover! And once you gave in to that first drink, if you're anything like me, it would be no holds barred and you'd drink the place dry Whatever cravings you feel now would be multiplied ad infinitum if you took that first sip . . .

Stay strong. You're into the third week of the most important journey of your life. Before long, you could be reaping rewards you never even thought possible

Stay strong. You're on day 4 of your holiday, so you're already half-way up the mountain. You can't see the view from here but it's amazing - and it's a long, long way down, too

Stay strong, Hope. You're doing brilliantly. This could be the most memorable of all holidays - for all the right reasons

LBrain

congrats on making it 2 weeks Hope. You are doing great. Hang on and stay strong. You'll find it gets much easier with more time. You just gotta stick to your guns.

Use those cravings tips Dee posted. Keep it handy.

Hopeitlasts

Thanks folks.
Can I ask, should I be posting my updates elsewhere or in a new separate post? I'm new to this forum posting, however was hopin for more feedback on yesterday's update and wondered if I should now be writing in a different place after introducing myself?

Thanks again..;-)

Dee74

Hi Hopeitlasts - if you update this every day you should get replies - this is the downtime of the forum tho, and you need to factor that in

If you post around your lunchtime or later you'll probably get more traffic.

Congrats on two weeks

D

HOWman

Hope. We have a book called Alcoholics Anonymous. This is the only place you're going to find a solution. If you do the work outlined in this book, the problem will get removed. Like it never even existed in the first place. Remember when you were a child how it just never crossed your mind, and if you saw alcohol it just never felt like something you wanted to drink? Well, its like that.

Sympton of alcoholism is restlessness (anxiety), irritable, and discontent (depression). There is probably alot of all that going on inside of you right now. I can't give you medical advice because I'm not a physician... i can speak from my experience from being dual diagnosed with bipolar disorder. When I stopped drinking and using, although my symptoms did not vanish, they did improve substantially. Keep your physician in the loop and be as open and honest with him about your drinking and medical condition as you are with your sponsor while working the steps.

Don't take medical advice from a drunk. Drunks will give it to you too, and you can end dead. Speak to your doctor and be open with him.

MythOfSisyphus

Good to have you here with us, Hopeitlasts!

wichitaks

I am basically a mirror image of the drinker you describe yourself as! That fast paced drinking and just craving the buzz only to have it vanish and keep going after it until my body ***** down and I pass out/blackout... It's an all too familiar cycle... Tomorrow will be the first Friday that I have off and will not be drinking on in quite sometime... Excited, scared, nervous all at the same time...

Dee74

you can do this too witchitaks

D

Verte

Hi Hopeitlasts and wichitaks - welcome to SR

Jump in the weekender thread when you get the chance. Great fellowship and accountability there for a great sober weekend.

Dee74

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-11-13-a.html



D