Serper2014

Today is day 1. 7/7/14. Got the meds so I don't need to worry too much about withdrawals. It was my first relapse ever last weekend. I think I needed just one to come back and try to tackle the underlying problems of why I drink in the first place. I've had anxiety all day, I took a med about 30 mins ago.... and now I'm finally relaxed. I don't know what else to say, but will anyone stay with me on this new journey? I know I've been a bit stubborn in the past, but I am very open minded now. Let's do this.

songthread

We're all here with you Serper! Welcome back - for everyone involved in recovery, it's a learning experience. And a growing experience, too, one of positivity!

ScottFromWI

We will all be with you of course Serper. Do you have a plan at all of what you'll do going forward ( other than the benzos?)

PurpleKnight

SR has got your back!!

Serper2014

Yeah I've got the full attack...literally outlined and scheduled in my calendar. For the next 90 days I have

-weekly endurance goals (bike, swim, run, etc)
-weekly strength training goals
-weekly weight loss goals
-weekly hygiene goals
-weekly caloric intake goals
-weekly sR forum posting goals
-Weekly studying goals
-Weekly career goals
-Weekly socialization goals
-Weekly reading goals
-Weekly romantic relationship goals....


This is all laid out on a 54*27 excel spreadsheet...

PurpleKnight

Now that's a plan!!

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a very organized plan. Playing devils advocate though, I only see one item on that entire list ( Weekly SR forum posting ) that directly addresses drinking. Do you plan on any type of therapy/meetings/specific sobriety plan like AVRT/Smart at all?

Serper2014

Reading goals also directly addresses drinking, as I will be reading website and the big book and anything I can get my hands on about sobriety. But this type of reading isn't interactive.

I'm pretty sure that everytime in the past that I made the decision to drink what finally went through my head was "f*ck it" life is already so bad, might as well make it worse....I've got a good clean pocket of 12 days to ride on. I know how to be sober, I enjoyed it, but in those 12 days I wasn't fixing anything else... I was just reading SR forums, which I need to do for sure, but I need to take care of everything else in my life.

Dee74

There's a lot of good things in your plan that will help make you and your life better but I think a good recovery plan really needs to deal with not drinking primarily.

If you don't feed good about yourself, thats something to look at. If you have a propensity to say eff it thats another.

Your social life and any romantic life need to be examined too - do they bolster your recovery or undermine it...is your priority always recovery, or not?

I'm not trying to annoy you - based om past threads, I really think this is an important area that's not readily apparent to me in your plan, Serper.

D

NYCfitnessgirl

Hi, I am also back on day 1 after this 4th of July weekend. I felt like crap the whole time, could see what i was doing was wrong, and had the "f" it mentality as well. Now that Monday is here and it's back to reality. That is when my guilt and shame set in. People in my life are getting tired of it. I will be here to count with you! We need to do this. No more slips:/

Notmyrealname

I am mildly curious about "weekly hygenic goals"

wait, maybe I don't need to hear those details :P

and if you get this "weekly romantic relationship goals" thing going gangbusters, you need to let me in on your secret formula

Serper2014

Thanks for the response, and I know you aren't trying to annoy me. The thing is, people like to say "just don't drink" or "as long as you never pick up a drink again you won't have to go through this. " I did that... it was fairly easy to not drink or smoke. I went about a month without it. The only thing that changed in my life is that I was not hungover every morning or going through withdrawals....which in the first few weeks was AMAZING, but then I got used to not being hungover all the time and I came off the pink cloud, and thats when I realized... oh all the reasons I would drown myself in alcohol are still here... because I spent a month just not drinking. I realized that this time, not drinking is the bare minimum. I wanna improve on every level so when I get close to the 30 day mark I have things to celebrate beyond not just drinking. I have goals in my life that I want to achieve and I can't do that while drinking, but I can't do that if my only focus is not drinking....Does that make sense Dee? I would like any further input since you've been tremendously helpful thus far.

Dee74

My recovery was a lot more complex that just don't drink - but the just don't drink part was fundamental to me getting to a place of constancy where I could finally engage with those underlying reasons.

Do all that other stuff by all means - as long as you're not over extending yourself -
but, for me it was good to remember the not drinking part is the priority - it's the hub of the wheel that all that other personal development stuff and growth runs on

D

Serper2014

That is a decent question. In my first taste of sobriety I did things that many people would have considered unpopular. I went out to bars, I went to parties, I was really fine with not drinking at those events... this relapse... I went to a 4th of July BBQ. It was a pretty big event and there were maybe 20 people there... most of my friends have graduated and have great jobs and are in long term relationships... I got home that night after being like the 15th wheel at the party. I came back to my crappy apartment, alone and I was just like... You're fat, you're alone, you've ruined you're apt, everyone else around you is linked up in great relationships.... so I went back to my old buddy....beer... I didn't get terribly drunk nor did I do anything stupid...and honestly I didn't feel so bad about drinking... I just had a moment of clarity that I need to fix the things that were damaged in my life in order to maintain sobriety... in order to fix those things I need to not drink.... So not drinking is the minimum... fixing things is next... in order to maintain that long term sobriety...

Serper2014

I completely agree. I have a really crazy excel spreadsheet with all these goals and if I drink, then I'll never complete the spreadsheet... so yes, number one priority is to not drink (or smoke cigarettes because I relapsed on those too while I was drinking), but I feel this month is different because I've done a month sober before so I wont need to spend so much time on being sober...if that makes sense...I learned so much last month that I think I can not focus on other things.... that will help me get the life I want....but when it comes down to it all, sobriety is the number one priority because without that EVERYTHING falls apart...

Anna

Welcome back, Serper.

I think it's good that you recognize not drinking is not enough. But, it is the base and the constant.