Learn2Live4Me

Hi there everyone,

Sooooo, I joined this site years ago, when I was having a particularly rough time with my alcoholic mother and really needed the advice, kindness, guidance, support and love that this forum provided. It helped me so much, I can't even put it in to words.

My mother and I had started rebuilding our relationship in April of this year. She had finally decided to reach out and go to AA. To say I was surprised is an understatement, as she has NEVER admitted to having a problem, but hey, I was all for it! I told her as long as she worked the program and stayed sober, I would be there. She told my husband and myself that a relationship with us was far more important than alcohol (who has heard that before?) and would not ever drink again! Riiiiiiiiiiight.

So, this past week or so I started noticing some odd, but familiar behavior...and SURPRISE, she called me from the hospital at 2 am drunk. She knows my rule - you end up in the hospital with a medical condition, I am there. You end up there because you are drunk, I will NOT be there. She has called me several times since then, and I have set her number to reject. I'm not sure what it would take for me to talk to her again, or to want to at this point. I have to take care of myself, and dealing with her drinking drama and manipulation is NOT a healthy part of taking care of myself. The thing that always bugs me, and eats at my conscience is that I am her only family here. I tell myself that is not my problem and that I am only responsible for myself and my choices...and yet it still gets to me. Any suggestions for mantras or healing words that I can just let this go & give it to God/Higher Power???

Pickles104

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I can't imagine what it would look like for me to have no contact with my Mother, so my heart goes out to you. BUT I think you have to take care of you. I forget that myself a lot of times, too. When I was getting sober, sometimes all I could do was pray to make it to the next moment so that does help. Plus it was comforting to me to know that I didn't have to be "in charge", I could give it to my HP/God to manage it for me (cause clearly I wasn't a good manager at my life). I hope that makes sense. Hugs to you!

Bernadette777

Hi,

I pray, "Dear LORD, I give this to you, I can't do this without you and I don't want to do anything without you. I forgive (persons name) & pray for (persons name) sobriety. But, it's too much for me. Nothing is to small or to big for you, I place it in your hands and I place my heart in your hands to heal it for me. I love & thank you Lord, amen.

I hope this helps. It's my little prayer, it's helped me. God bless you friend. I know it's painful , their addictions to chemicals & alcohol don't mix with our hearts & feelings. A nice person I had the pleasure to meet one day told me they had worked at a rehab center as a chef. He told me that the ingredients to addiction are 2 things: PRIDE & SELFISHNESS. I still think about it to this day, it sums up my exAbf. Again, i wish you the best in healing & love & happiness. Xo Bernadette777

lillamy

I wish I had something as profound as Bernadette's prayer.

For me, it was one sentence my therapist said that for whatever reason hit home on that particular day and helped me tremendously. She said:

"You have an absolute right to remove yourself and your children from a dysfunctional relationship."

Simple. But it somehow resonated with me. I hope it does with you too, because it's true.

Learn2Live4Me

Thank you everyone for your prayers, sympathy and kind words. I really appreciate it. I saw her yesterday & gave her back all of her items that she had at my house. I told her that I loved her very much, but I couldn't watch her drink herself to death. I said that when she has her 6 month sober coin, to give me a call. The ball is in her court & she knows what she needs to do to be healthy and have me in her life. We shall see what happens. Meanwhile, I will take your prayers & suggestions to heart & keep moving forward.