Grok

Some stuff happened around 2 weeks ago, old stuff that was linked to booze, a bad time, doesn't really matter what it was, too easy to make it an excuse. any way been on a bender for the last 10 days or so, poured everything away about an hour ago. I posted a couple of weeks ago about regrets and I was wrong, I regret that ever took the first drink and I regret it ever became so important in my life.

So today I will try and not drink, not worried about calling it day one, I have had so many in the past, whats the point.

Every day is day one.

I am so upset that I let my confidence and arrogance allowed me to think that this nightmare was over, it will be , not just yet.

Peter alias Grok

Nuudawn

Amen Grok. Glad you're back. A week ago I attended an AA meeting both in support of my visiting sister and in consideration of further attendance as another aspect of my recovery.

One of the things I took away from it was the lovely wish for "another 24" said by a couple members at the end of their share. For me it brought home the absolute gift of a day or another sober day cuz that's what it all comes down to..

Our current experience. My wish is for all my current experiences to be sober ones...ones I am able to face without alcohol..that's it, that's all. I want the strength to bring "me" to the table today and hopefully, everyday.

PurpleKnight

Stay strong Grok!! . . . you can do this!!

Thepatman

I did the same many times and understand.

Just keep chipping at it until you shape your sobriety. The day we stop trying is when the real problem starts.

Chip away, and you are doing it.

Mentium

Perhaps you could do with support? AA maybe? It is hard to wake up every day determined this will be the beginning only to be opening a bottle by the end of the day. I know..been there!

mje124

it's not arrogance

its called alcoholism ..............and I am in the grip myself

tomorrow is my day 1 .............why not now you ask because my AV has won ............15 - love

mike will be back and so will you


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

JaneLane

YES about not calling it "day one". I have relapsed recently and I have felt a massive sense of defeat for slipping up. I'm over counting the days now as the sense of guilt was hindering progress.

jezza

Hey Peter The Grok :-) Don't beat yourself up!!! We have all been there so many times.. Just pick yourself up,dust yourself down & smile!!!! saying to yourself today is a new day & I'm excited & looking forward to a brighter future!! That's what I did on my last day 1 & so far seems to be working!! That's my plan!! Welcome back!!

Grok

You know I did not even try and resist I just went back into autopilot, zombie like, there was no urge, no fight, I just did it, it's not like I gave in, that's the scary bit. It's one thing to be fighting it and give in to the pressure, but I just sleepwalked into drinking again albeit because of a bad situation.
Whatever, I can try all I might to understand this crap, the more I try the less I will know, tomorrow's another day.

matt4x4

What is your plan to achieve sobriety?
Alcohol has nothing to do with the issue at hand.

Anna

I think that it's always good to remember that alcoholism is relentless and it will continue to look for opportunities to get back into our lives. I do understand the sleep-walking thing you talk about. I did that, too. I'm not saying this is true in your case, but for me it was an excuse to drink again, because after all, I didn't 'choose' to, did I?

You will find lots of support here.

Hevyn

Peter, I did it too - after 3 yrs. sober. I must have needed further proof that I couldn't touch it, because now I have 6+ yrs. So what you said is true - the nightmare will be over, I'm living proof. You're going to do this thing.

least

I tried and failed too many times to count, but now have four and a half years sober, so it is possible.

Dee74

You haven't done anything that the rest of us haven't Grok - certainly in my case.

The best thing I ever did was accept I needed to take drinking off the table as an option.

Whatever the situation, whatever the problem, I resolved to meet it head on and find a non alcoholic solution.

The more I did that, the more I changed - and the more I found myself in recovery

D

DisplacedGRITS

Grok, I too found myself returning to alcohol Ttime and time again. I too was a zombie. I was on autopilot. I just didn't think or when I did, the voice screaming "no" was so weak compared to my body' and mind's compulsion. I changed when I turned the autopilot off. Not just in regards to my drinking but in regards to my whole life. It's overwhelming at first but eventually, you find meaning in even the small things in life.

Don't live on autopilot. It just flies you to the same place every time.

Grok

Thanks all, new day, still sober. Sorry Matt don't think I understand your second comment. Alcohol tho does have nothing to do with it, its my reaction to an event that is important, alcohol is just the escape route i either chose consciously or subconsciously to take. I guess its recognizing those triggers and dealing with them rather than taking the easy old route, old habits die hard. Plan, yes I knew how I was going to forward and it was working. Mondays event was the last thing I needed at this time, but its behind me, time to move on, lesson learnt.

In the 2 weeks before I drank again everything was improving in my life, that's still there, the past 10 days have been miserable, so no contest. Importantly I've stopped again, historically it would be 6 months plus before I would stop, that's got be good.