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Feeling a little lost...

Old 07-05-2014, 04:55 PM
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Unhappy Feeling a little lost...

This is my first post and I am honestly terrified of the road I know I must travel. It’s been clear to me for a while that I am “different” in how I relate with alcohol and the pull that it has on me. But I have been trying to negotiate with that reality, with the predictable results on my emotional and physical health. Having just turned 30 last month and finally witnessing the actual physical toll it is taking on me, I have decided that I will not allow alcohol to be the defining attribute of my life.

But I know what I am in for – at least initially – as I have quit before for brief periods. The occasional pressure to drink socially can be a difficult load to bear – but I know it is bearable. Where things get terrifying for me is the tsunami of once hidden emotions that I know will pummel me. Loneliness in particular is going to devastate me. I have built my life around being alone. It drives my politics, my theology, and my relationship decisions. I have even had a twisted sort of pride in having a high tolerance for being alone. Turns out, much of this may just have been alcohol consumption masquerading in my head as a legitimate substitute for human interaction.

Either way, I am resolved to quit because the toll of drinking is too much for me to continue living this way. I am just wondering if anyone else struggles with the same sense of loneliness.
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Old 07-05-2014, 05:01 PM
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Hey Bland, Welcome to the Forum!!

It's natural to be scared of the unknown, we've known alcohol for years, so the natural question is, how are we going to live without it, right?

Emotionally it will be a learning curve, I liked being alone too when I was drinking, because I escaped as a result of alcohol, when I got Sober I changed my mind as sitting in every evening/weekend was pretty boring after a while without any alcohol, was your high tolerance for being alone maybe similar? either way it's something that can be adapted.

It's great to have you onboard, you can do this!!
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Old 07-05-2014, 05:37 PM
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Originally Posted by bland123 View Post
I have decided that I will not allow alcohol to be the defining attribute of my life.
.
I so hope that you always remember these words. There were times in early recovery when I thought that alcoholic was the only attribute my family and friends would remember about me. Now, thankfully, I am so much more.

I'm not sure about the loneliness issue. Before my drinking days, I did lots of socializing and being out there. I think that I was afraid of facing myself. In my recovery, I find that I need alone time and I don't do well without it.

I'm glad you found us, and have faith that you can do this.
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Old 07-05-2014, 05:37 PM
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At the beginning of this sobriety which is new (yet again), I spent a whole afternoon structuring the "problem" I have with alcohol. In structuring a problem one has to look at the "roots" of the problem.

What I discovered at the root of my problem? Persistent loneliness and fear of intimacy. Quite a conundrum...therefore alcohol was my "solution" to both. Pretty lousy solution.

Incidentally, you have already noted some barriers to the "sobriety" solution (social pressure, tsunami of emotions etc).

No..you are not alone in this...at all.
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