thenewjenn

Hey I'm new here. Today is my 5 months sober

I've been going to meetings for a few months. I have a great home group I go to on Monday and Thursday mornings. This past Thursday I couldn't make my meeting so I decided to check out a different meeting in my town at night.

I saw a couple of familiar faces. I had met the chairperson before. There was a speaker who talked about his experience. During the smoke break I stayed inside. The guy who spoke came up to me and introduced himself and asked how much time I had. When I said 5 months he asked if I would come speak there this month. I told him no thanks I'm still a little shy and that I really only share with my home group. He pushed the issue i declined again. He then said that in AA when you are asked to be of service you are supposed to always say yes. He asked if he should put me down for the 31st. I agreed because I felt pressured.

I do have anxiety and always try to get myself out of things I'm worried about. He took my # down to call before the 31st to remind me. Is it rude to say no? I wasn't even planning on going back to that group again. I prefer my home group.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

I think it's time to either find a new meeting or respectfully tell this guy you don't want to speak anymore, you've changed your mind.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to, it should be your choice!!

Latte

No, that is not normal.

I would call and let them know they need to find someone else.

Good luck.

Eddiebuckle

Yeah, red flags here. Say you have spoken to your sponsor and with her permission have decided its best to decline.

Serenidad

I agree! I did not give a lead until I had over a year of sobriety. I've never heard of anyone doing it before then. The guy sounds like he has some issues. Just tell him NO! Sorry you had to go thru that!!! :-(

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Hevyn

I've never heard of that thenewjenn. The last thing you need is to feel pressured or anxious when you're trying to get well.

I'm really glad you found us - I hope you'll keep posting - welcome!

Anna

I'm not in AA but I HATE bullies.

thenewjenn

Thanks for the quick responses! I will decline. I was surprised because my home group offers newcomers a warm welcome and a meeting list with phone numbers but they would never ask a newcomer to do anything more than come back.

Mcribb

Don't listen to that guy. People in AA are sick and you have to remember that. Come here for positive support and love whenever you need it.

Nuudawn

[QUOTE=thenewjenn;4761426 He then said that in AA when you are asked to be of service you are supposed to always say yes. He asked if he should put me down for the 31st. I agreed because I felt pressured. [/QUOTE]

Okay..that's just wrong. The text should not be utilized to emotionally manipulate someone. You said no. He's just a pushy guy who disrespected your answer. No is actually a complete sentence.

biminiblue

I ran across that same thing before I even had three months sobriety. Same words were used.

I also did not want to do it. I said no and stuck to that but she used the same language. "You don't say no when asked to speak." I've heard that a couple times now.

I figured it was above my pay scale. I didn't like that one bit, and I also didn't go back to that meeting.

biminiblue

I ran across that same thing before I even had three months sobriety. Same words were used.

I also did not want to do it. I said no and stuck to that but she used the same language. "You're not supposed to say no when asked to speak." I've heard that a couple times now.

I figured it was above my pay scale. I didn't like that one bit, and I also didn't go back to that meeting.

I am painfully shy and quiet in meetings. It has been twisted too many times into something it's not. I just want to burst into tears when asked to even speak at all. ugh.

tomsteve

some people in AA are sick. not all of us.

LadyBlue0527

Completely not acceptable, not normal, and also rude and pushy.

Don't let that one person get you down.

sugarbear1

you always have the right to do what you want, even saying "No"

don't let anyone bully you in AA or anywhere else!!

Hugs

BadCompany

Not normal but not unheard of either. A guy from my home group was railroaded into speaking when he only had two months sober. He celebrated 36 years sober last week. He still complains about that first speaking experience.

LBrain

There ain't a whole lot that is normal in AA. Depends on the group.

WritingFromLife

He's asking you to take a.codependent action--how ironic! Stand up to this boundary buster

neferkamichael

Thenewjenn, please go to your home group and tell them what happened. Then call the person who accosted you and tell him, "don't ever do it again." 5 months sober is FANTASTIC, congratulations, rootin for ya.

NoelleR

Something similar happened to me back in the day. When I was asked, and I replied in the negative, the person informed me: "Ya know, you're never supposed to say 'no' to an AA request." I looked the guy straight in the eye and replied, "Actually, the line is to never say no to a REASONABLE AA request; it's unreasonable for me to speak, therefore my answer remains NO!." I turned and left him standing there with his mouth hanging wide ......... and no speaker for his next meeting. Since I never went back to that meeting (I never particularly cared for speaker meetings, anyway), I never learned what happened; if and/or who they got for a speaker......pfffft.......ah well, not my problem.

You hang in there thenewjenn. Stick with, what I like to call, the 'Nancy Reagan' response...............: just say NO!

(o:
NoelleR