petals

Hi guys, im on day 4...... am still wanting wine .... I was wondering on your thoughts of writing a list as to why I shouldnt drink? It may keep me on track with the positives but the negatives may make the guilt worse....what do you all think?
also hubby shold be home , just for weekend, he will want wine and so do I... how can I get through it? I want to share a bottle with him but not sure if I should...
thanks

doggonecarl

Of course you shouldn't share a bottle with your husband if you've quit drinking.

Does he know that you are quitting? Have you told him how difficult it will be if he drinks in front of you? Have you suggested that his support, in the form of him not drinking, would aid you greatly?

Ghostlight1

Let him drink the whole bottle and feel the misery of the next day. The way to get through it, for me anyway, would be to say 'no thanks'. That's if you're serious about quitting.
I made a list once of the positives and negatives. I don't think there were any positives, but I was a bad drunk.
Best to you this weekend, and remember, you never have to drink again.

bookmaven

I think making a list and sharing it with hubby instead of a bottle would be a great idea. You need to ask him not to drink in front of you if it will trigger you. This situation is dangerous for your sobriety. Do not drink. Good luck!

PurpleKnight

I'd also include the positives of drinking with the negatives, just so you can compare what actually alcohol is adding to your life, in other words what lies your mind is telling you to get you to think you would like to share a bottle of wine with your husband.

Write it all out and cross out all the lies and myths, you should discover there are more things in the Sobriety section than the drinking section.

But be honest on the list and be specific about the actual lack of benefits to your life that alcohol provides.

FreeOwl

yep.... ^that.

I find focusing on all the GOOD things about SOBRIETY a lot more effective and empowering that the 'reasons not to drink'.

Subtle but important shift.

anotherquitter

Congrats on 4 days.

I've got about 799 days and I still occasionally think a glass of wine would be nice - but I sure as heck don't miss waking up feeling guilty with a fuzzy mouth after 'enjoying' an entire bottle or two! I now know myself better than I ever did when I was drinking.

Sparkling water is a nice, refreshing, and healthier alternative. Stick a couple of bottles in the fridge to enjoy instead while your other half indulges.

Croissant

Good idea....I found a squeeze of lemon helped me with the "tartness" I was craving, and is good for detoxing.

You don't need a wine with hubby. You already decided drinking wasn't for you.

Gonnachange

FreeOwl, I think in the same manner about facets of life and behavior that go beyond the scope of drinking/sobriety. It's more of a motivator for me to be moving toward something positive than away from something negative.

freshstart57

Make four lists - reasons to drink (good things about consuming alcohol), reasons not to drink (bad things about consuming alcohol), reasons to not be sober (bad things about sobriety) and reasons to be sober (good things about being sober). Cover the pros and cons of drinking and of sobriety, in other words.

Once you do that, you should be able to decide that for us, there is never a compelling reason to take a drink. The negative consequences we seem to be able to put up with indefinitely, but the opportunity cost is another thing all together. We can drink, OR we can have a sober life with everything that means and brings, but we cannot have both.

If someone were standing in front of you, threatening to take from you all that you are giving up to alcohol, what reaction would you have? If someone were about to take your home, your marriage, your mental and physical health, your job, and ultimately your life, what reaction would you have?

We get to choose here. Whatever we decide, the terms are ours.

Thatdeliveryguy

You have a decision, drink or don't drink. Nobody here is ever, ever, ever going to condone drinking. You sound like you are confused, think about why you quit, think about why you started drinking, stopped. Do you want to be sober?

If you want to be sober, then I say don't drink. Nobody and I mean nobody will ever judge you for what you think is right on this site.

However, you came here, created an account and have issues, with that said, might be time to for go drinkng, but that is a person choice

Stay safe and sober TDG

Notmyrealname

I have an awful list of things that went sideways in my life because of booze. I carried it around in my wallet for the first six months, now it's in my dresser. If I ever decide to drink again, I have to read that list first.

It's a pretty awful list. I grimace just thinking about it.

That really helped though, I think. Even just writing all that stuff down. I was in denial about how many severely bad things had come from drinking, just blocking a lot of it out, so writing it down in a moment of clarity was good, made me confront the truth.

FeenixxRising

I did a thorough Cost Benefit Analysis (CBA) for my use of alcohol. If you decide to do one you would:

1) List everything you found good about alcohol use
2) List everything you found bad about alcohol use
3) List everything you found good about not using alcohol
4) List everything you found bad about not using alcohol

I believe you will find that not using alcohol has many, many more benefits. After completion, read over it every few days (or every day if needed). And update if you feel a need to add new items to the list.

You asked if you should drink with your husband. Ultimately, that's your decision. Do you want to get sober and remain sober? If the answer is yes, then you should skip drinking. Have you discussed your goals regarding alcohol with your husband?

(sorry, this is a little redundant as I see freshstart already mentioned a CBA)

EndGameNYC

I'm not a list person, but if you drink this weekend just because you want to or because your husband wants to share a bottle of wine with you, then what's to say you won't again drink on a whim? If you want your first day to be something other than Groundhog Day, put down the drink and find a way to get support in your recovery.

Soberpotamus

I did a CBA about 10 years ago and it helped me get sober for a while. Those lists can really help. It will stick with you for a while. I haven't forgotten that first CBA I wrote out. In fact, I think I've kept it tucked away somewhere. Any tool or technique like that can help you become more aware of what is actually going in your life, and can give you the clarity you need to make a better choice. Say NO to that bottle of wine

petals

Thanks for your replies, as you can see im awake in the middle of the night , my mind working overtime on it.x

Dee74

some great advice here petals

Change is hard I know...there's a million little things your head will come up with that you can't do again.

The thing is.... there's a billion things you can do once you stop drinking

I'd focus on the positives - think of the life you want and the person you want to be - all that is possible with recovery

D

Croissant

Petals...ever eaten something, and as you eat it you start to feel full...but ignore the signs because you want to keep eating?

Then, when the tummy ache comes....all the regret is there.

You decided that you were done with drinking, but drinking here and there, eventually the pain becomes bigger and bigger and harder to ignore.

What is it you think you are missing out on by not having that wine? Until you address that....the temptation will always be there.

Just some thoughts.

petals

eeep hes home in about an hour!!!! so excited!
what do i think i am missing out on by not drinking???....... erm the major one for me is the way it helps me relax.. i know its not a good way but i like the fact that for a short while my mind calms down a bit....... so far ive not found another way to 'chill' ,tried walking, bath, craft etc over the years.....
catch u all later.xx