Boudicca

Is it strange or odd to have feelings of frustration while reading some threads/posts on SR? I am not sure why, but I am really starting to feel irritated by many of the posts I read.

Maybe it is because using AVRT has been so easy and simple for me. I truly feel liberated from alcohol and have not found it very difficult to remain abstinent because I have decided to NEVER drink again and NEVER change my mind. This technique is incredibly effective.

However it seems not all individuals approach it from this perspective. There seems to be quite a bit of whining, excuses and such from those using a different treatment model. Also the constant relapsing is disturbing.

Is it just me? Am I being insensitive? Is there something I am not getting here?

Boudicca

Sorry for the rant but if this is what you have to hear going to "meetings" etc I think I would hang myself from the ceiling immediately.
I am responsible for my actions, I made a choice to drink for 20 years and then I made a DECISION to never drink again.
I mean I decided I was going to either drink or NOT drink, but this in-between @#%& seems like self-torture of the highest order.
I truly respect the insight and analysis of many on this forum and would be interested to hear your thought. Thanks for listening.

desypete

you have to learn how an alcoholic works
THERE ALWAYS RIGHT : )

they know whats best for them, no one can tell them what to do or how to do it hence we learn the art of suggestions rather than telling

i did get hot under the coller at times with certain posts that are closed minded into a belief in one thing but i have to remember these people do believe its working for them so i have no right to open my big gob or poke my nose into there own believes on what works for them
all i can do is offer a different way if anyone feels there way there using isn't working for them

if i can let people be with there own beliefs even if i totaly disagree with them but learn to let it go over my head then i have peace in my life without things winding me up or getting on my nerves

as it really doesnt matter what you believe in or i believe in what matters is today we are sober and content to be that way

Nonsensical

I don't think so. There is a lot of repetition;
why do I keep doing this?
am I an alcoholic?
my spouse is a turd.
can i drink near beer?
is my liver supposed to hurt?
If you want to get sober, do what I did, and if you don't, you're stupid...

It can be a grind. I remind myself that I was once lost and confused and looking for answers and it was the patience of other people here at SR that helped me find my sober life.

Every once in a while I'll get a PM from someone that says what you posted really helped me. It makes it all worthwhile.

But still...some days I can't deal with it. Take time off as needed. There's no requirement to read or post.

I think your contributions are great, BTW.

mfanch

That is where AVRT really works. I will not drink and I will not change my mind.

It didn't help me become a better person, though. I needed so much more than to just quit drinking. I needed a plan to change my personality so that I was not impatient and judgmental. I can take the drink out of the b1tch but I was still a b1tch.

I made a plan to get right with myself and with others so that I could be free, relaxed, and happy. Other people's posts no long bother me. They are what they are. I can share my experience and hopefully it helps someone. The common thread to all the recovery methods is that they all require the person to WANT do stop using. I needed to get sober at 18, when I got out of my first rehab. But I didn't WANT to until 20 years later. A lot of people try to get sober because they need to but not necessarily want to. It doesn't usually work.

soberlicious

When I see someone addicted who is unwilling to give anything different a try, I just remember that I'm not really interacting with them, so much as I am interacting with their beast.
Many, many times I said the same things I read here...
I can't stop
That won't work
Nothing will work

Of course I know that was AV. Pure, undistilled Addictive Voice. It's the reason addicted people reject options, or classify straight talk as "tough" or "mean". I see it all as the addiction (or beast in AVRT) diverting from the real issue, quitting for good. Of course there will be opposition to that from the beast. You may hear that opposition in many forms, in every case it's AV. Thoughts, feelings, words designed in some way to allow the addiction to continue.

I agree with you that the in-between is tortuous. That's why I always try to point out that "never" has brought me so much relief and peace. But that is not received well in a "one day at a time" world. Personally, I think ODAAT is the easier, softer way, because it is a way to remain calm and placate that addicted part of myself. Anyone who has ever had a tantruming toddler knows what happens when you placate. That toddler will run the entire household. Parents sometimes even describe the feeling of being "held hostage"( much like the addicted feel). But to end that behavior you have to be willing to go through some uncomfortable times. Sometimes so uncomfortable it seems impossible, overwhelming, like you must give in to save your sanity. If you remain consistent, the end result is worth it. In the grand scheme of things the battle is short, even though in the midst of it it feels as though time stands still and it will never end.

People say "The idea of never just upsets me. I get overwhelmed. It's too daunting, way too unrealistic." That stuff screams AV. Sure it's daunting because the addiction wants to live and thrive!!! But it's not daunting forever, not even close. The relief that comes with cutting it off at its knees is immediate...it was for me. I'm not interested in hanging on not drinking a day at a time. That sounds really unfun. Does someone else's beast want to hear that? Hellz no it doesn't.

desypete

like i said alcoholics are always right, what ever it is they believe in.

the thing i love most about aa is it has no opinions on outside bodys, doesnt engage at all with controversy and its a hell of a way to try to live my own life as i am an alcoholic and i love to be right.

i can dream up all sorts of answers to try to prove others wrong as i want to be seen as being right thats my motive as i must be right
but the answer is leave it alone enjoy the peace by leaving things alone than sticking my ore in : ) and showing the world just how much of a fool i am but still i am right : )

trachemys

Using AVRT seemed simple to me, too. Until I failed at it repeatedly. Months of research and consultation later, I came back to it armed for beast. Biological root cause addressed, I will succeed this time. The beast does not stand a chance.

Other people? I really don't think about them that much. I'll encourage, converse, congratulate. I direct people to here if they're interested in non AA. I participate here because it's good for me.

soberlicious

I don't subscribe to the concept of alcoholism. I also don't view human traits as character defects, so this type of platitude doesn't hold much meaning for me.

I am, however, very glad that you have found what works for you. I've been in the darkness, so I'm always thrilled for a fellow traveler to find the light. It makes me super happy. So I wouldn't try to dissuade you from your path, since you are getting the desired results. That would be dumb. This thread is not about being "right" or "wrong". It is not about criticizing a method that is working for someone. It's about those who are going round and round and round not having success, sometimes despite earnest application of traditional methods.

totfit

To each their own. I have issues sometimes with a lot of "God" talk, but if it works for them great. I like this forum as I can learn from others and contribute where I see appropriate. What I have learned is from years of experience good and bad and I have also learned that what I do works for ME. Most of my access is from a news feed and I usually only logon to reply to something I find interesting or where I think my experience might be helpful. I am great with anyones sharing what works for them.

Boudicca

Thank you so much for the replies. Though-provoking and insightful and I hope I am open-minded enough to learn from others. Awesome stuff as usual.

Boudicca

Couldn't have said it better! Thank you for this. I always seem to learn from your posts and you seem to put into words what I am thinking. I'm not the greatest writer and often have difficulty with this.

caboblanco

If they can't write about their troubles staying sober.and ask for advice.what are they supposed to write about then? How much better sober people are then addicts? I don't really follow. I see SR for everybody even people who haven't tried to get sober yet.

trachemys

And you're right.

I frequent another forum for an activity that involves a lot of gear and gear choices. After a time, the "oldtimers" will occasionally express frustration with all the "newbies" asking the same questions over and over(and over and over and...) There's are the usual "my gear's better than your gear" threads and the occasional "you're doing it ALL WRONG" thread.

Just as in that activity, we should welcome and help every new member we get. In that other forum, new members mean a flourishing activity. And it means the same thing here.

Flourishing sobriety.

soberlicious

I don't really follow this. I didn't read the OP as saying people struggling shouldn't post, or that people who have quit are better than those who haven't. Maybe I misunderstood, but I took the OP as a member posting about their feelings of frustration over wishing they could help others see what they have come to see. I certainly relate to that feeling. I have teenage boys. So often I wish I could literally open their heads and put in the lessons I've had to learn the hard way...to spare them the pain...but that's not how it works. Still we can make a difference by continuing to respond with good intentions, no matter how it is received in the moment.

soberlicious

Is this an example of sticking your oar in?

PurpleKnight

People arrive at the doors of SR at different stages in comparison to meetings, people maybe aren't sure they have a problem, want some information to make a decision, have maybe made a decision to be Sober but don't know where to begin, some need encouragement, some simply need a routine to clock up those first few days/months, others fall at the first hurdle, or the second or the third hurdles and so are coming back to try again, there are then those that are reaching milestones, gaining perspectives, learning about themselves, having success in Sobriety.

Also factor in that SR is for a wide range of addictions, and not only that but also the friends/family of addictions, however addiction when boiled down continually throws up the same types of questions.

Meetings are great, but they don't incorporate the stages in the journey from not knowing someone has a problem to eventually becoming Sober, SR creates a welcoming place for people wherever they are at.

Personally I don't mind answering the same question over and over again, as SR was there for me when I most needed it, someone may post for support and they deserve to be responded to with the same care and attention, just as if they were the first person I responded to that particular day!!

freshstart57

I think many of us share these feelings, Boudicca. The posts that are on my radar are the ones from hardline recovery program supporters who lament those they have seen fail and die from overconsumption or suicide while seemingly following the tenets of their own program. The galling aspect is that this is seen as an indication that efforts in this same direction must be redoubled. Ey yi yi. What must it take? Whatever it is, it is more than I have to offer.

So, I will offer what I can if there is a chance it will be helpful, and skip it otherwise. You know, serenity prayer stuff.

caboblanco

well I don't care who posts and why on here really..as long as they aren't trolls or advertisments. that is just me. There are recovery methods that think every addict is the same and simply choosing a different recovery method means you are defiant and losing your way..If that is what you mean..yeah I don't agree with it but good luck changing that mentality

Boudicca

Wow. I suppose I feel I have clearly been misunderstood. I am not a gifted writer, nor do I claim to have any special insights or even contributions that make much of a difference compared to much of the spectacular analysis and thought to which I have been exposed here at SR. I wrote the best OP I could yet at no time did anyone ask me to clarify my point or explain my position in greater depth.....curious, no?

I guess I feel some of the responses prove the original point I was trying to make.

Oh well. Thanks for the ALL of the replies. It has been enlightening.