CRAFT? Anyone tried it? Love to hear real experiences.

Old 07-03-2014, 04:18 AM
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CRAFT? Anyone tried it? Love to hear real experiences.

I got the book 'Get your loved one sober' today....it's about The CRAFT program.

Reviews on the book make statements like "one week in and my husband voluntarily committed to getting sober...and it stuck".

A miracle?

Anyway started reading....it denounces detachment for loved ones (but goes on to describe practising what I understand as detachment behaviours). So that's one concern.

I started with activity one....'identify your loved ones triggers for drinking'. With horror and a laugh in the same breath I ticked off EVERY item on their activity sheet and added about 20 others.

I don't know quite how this is going to work.

I'm up to chapter 3. But I'm pretty much already stuck. I can't think of a way of interrupting AH's drinking pathway when he comes home from work drunk almost everyday and there's nothing I can think of that would stop him from doing this. I did try sometime ago getting him to get the kids from school on the way home but he'd just leave work earlier, start drinking earlier, pick them up drunk (or a good way there), and then crack open a bottle soon as he got home.

Has anyone tried the CRAFT program? How does it work for you? Would you mid sharing some examples of what's worked for you...especially if you have a hardcore, long term drinker. The examples in the book aren't resonating for me because they are too perfect and to me seem better suited to drinkers who aren't fully entrenched in their behaviours. But I'd love to hear otherwise?

Thanks in advance!
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Old 07-03-2014, 05:10 AM
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I haven't heard it before this, but does it stand for "Crying Really Ain't Fixing This"?

Thursday morning coffee kicking in!
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Old 07-03-2014, 05:37 AM
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Yeah, my SO tried to "engage me into treatment". I didn't get help until I wanted it. I'm sorry to say a book was not going to be enough. It had to come from within.

No person can get another sober unless there is a desire to be sober. The responsibility is the addict's, not the loved one's. Plus, alcoholism is not just a behavioral problem. Just "getting" your SO to not drink won't work. If only quitting drinking solved our problems, recovery would be easy.

My advice is to take care of yourself and kids (if you have them). Get yourself into YOUR recovery. AH will follow or he won't. His is not your destiny unless you sign up for it.
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Old 07-03-2014, 06:02 AM
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You may want to check out the Secular Connections for Friends and family forum here. Several folks there who use CRAFT.
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Old 07-03-2014, 06:40 AM
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I started learning the CRAFT method a couple months ago. I heard about it through another member here. I spend a long time going through chapter two, drawing the roadmap, looking for triggers and studying patterns of behavior with my husband. For me right now its been a little different because he is in recovery from substances, but has been having serious anxiety issues. According to his doctor part of it is PAWS symptoms and part underlying emotional issue. Ive been using CRAFT to help me map it out, define triggers, and look at my behavior in relation to these anxiety attacks. I also spent a lot of time going back a year to when he was using and drawing the map based on his use of substances. I know this may sound confusing, but its been working for me.

A couple things might help you is to remember when your looking for ways to alter the map/behaviors you have to think about his patterns, and what will motivate him. He goes to work and when does he start drinking? Does he drink on the job or wait until after work? Does he enjoy picking the kids up from school? If not then it might not be a motivator in and of itself. Is there an after school activity he enjoys doing with them, or meeting up with you to do something special where he would be motivated to be sober? Its about what motivates him, and to start it may not be something as simple as everyday he will pick up the kids and this will cause him not to drink.

For my husband and his anxiety, here is a simple example. I usually talk to him during the day while he’s at work. Sometimes there is interaction with a specific person there and it almost always causes him stress. Ive linked their interactions with his becoming more anxious even after leaving work. (According to his doctors anxiety issues are a risk because they trigger the desire to use in order to block these emotions, so I want to do what I can to help diffuse). If I can tell this is going on, then I often suggest we do something specific after we get off work. Something we mutually enjoy and I know will help him de-stress. Does this make sense?

CRAFT doesn’t promote detachment from your husband, your right. Because if you detach from the person then you are detaching from the opportunity to encourage change and improve your relationship. It does however encourage you to detach from unwanted behaviors like your husband’s drinking episodes. What consequence’s does he have for drinking around you? Not in terms of arguing with him, but for example can he feel an unwanted distance from you when he drinks vs when he doesn’t?

There are some articles on CRAFT in the secular family forum. You might also want to check out SMART recovery. I am a member there and post on their online forum and chat. They have family meetings both online and face to face. I have never been to a meeting through SMART, but I am taking online classes through another source, and meeting people using the program. I will send you a pm with some info if your interested.

Also remember the goal is to encourage him to get/continue treatment for his drinking issues. The inner desire will be his own because he wants to change.

If your husband is a long time drinker he probably has well defined patterns. Don’t rush the mapping part, and keep reading the book because its got a lot more in there about how to stop enabling, better communication, and remembering to take care of yourself in this whole process.
If you follow the link in this thread might be helpful to you: (it says parents 20 minute guide but the same link will lead you to the Partners 20 minute guide). http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ide-craft.html
Ive started reading this new CRAFT book and I cant hardly put it down!! Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change: Jeffrey Foote, Carrie Wilkens, Nicole Kosanke, Stephanie Higgs: 9781476709475: Amazon.com: Books

The GYLOS book to me is sort of like a textbook and requires a lot of contemplation. This new book is written different and is very easy to read. Smart also has a great handbook to accompany the GYLOS book and Im told it goes along with their meeting structure.

Sorry this is post is a little bit of a ramble, but pm me if you want to chat.
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Old 07-03-2014, 11:17 AM
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cant seem to find SMART ....is it on here?x
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Old 07-03-2014, 11:26 AM
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Originally Posted by petals View Post
cant seem to find SMART ....is it on here?x
The Secular forums have the more specific discussions on recovery methods other than 12 step. Like other areas of the board, there are general areas (like here for Friends and family) then 12 Step, then Secular. Areas on the addiction side as well as on the friends and family side.

I think the specific forum Bluechair is talking about with SMART is their own, not part of SR.
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Old 07-03-2014, 12:14 PM
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Please be careful using your kids as a way to motivate unless you know with 100% certainty. His driving them home from school each day may also be an invitation to drink and drive w/your kid in the car. Take it from a mom with experience on that.

I am not saying it works or does not, just saying that the kids come first and when you have children with an addict there is a whole new set of problems to watch for.

Not trying at all to be snarky, just saying be very careful.
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Old 07-03-2014, 02:12 PM
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Boy, I read a couple things on here that really make me cringe.

Motivating the A to not drink? Yikes. I tried that years ago in my former relationship without any success, and let me warn you about the motivation thing, they can use it against you in the future (you are controlling them, if you really loved them you would do/let them do whatever...). They also get MUCH better at lying when their is reward/punishment. You become like a caretaker/mother/counselor to them when controlling their circumstances like that too. Just a word of caution about you/me/we thinking we can modify someone else's behavior. We cannot long term.
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Old 07-03-2014, 04:59 PM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
Please be careful using your kids as a way to motivate unless you know with 100% certainty. His driving them home from school each day may also be an invitation to drink and drive w/your kid in the car. Take it from a mom with experience on that.
I think this is why its important to read through the whole book because you will find chapters devoted to personal safety and these concepts can help you define your overall plan. It takes some study and the idea is practice, practice, practice with your unique situation.

Originally Posted by petals View Post
cant seem to find SMART ....is it on here?x
Greeteachday was right. Thank you Greeteachday ! I wasnt very clear when I mentioned SMART. Its a recovery program based on cognitive behavioral methods, and family members use their program and a mix of CRAFT techniques. You can do CRAFT as a stand alone, or combine it with other recovery programs.

Sorry I was in a rush this morning ! Work and done, and holiday started !!
Happy 4th !!
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