Notices

How do you forgive yourself and forget the past?

Old 07-02-2014, 01:42 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 14
Unhappy How do you forgive yourself and forget the past?

I have finally made the decision to stop drinking for good. I've been binge drinking for the past 2 years now and have just recently lost my second job due to alcohol which was the breaking point for me as things were going so well.

I've been thinking a lot of all the stuff I've done in these past 2 years. I've embarrassed myself countless times, I'm known as the drunken **** in my community. Every time I drink I blackout for hours and wake up with only vague recollections of what I did. I would drink on the weekends and call numerous guys over throughout the night and wouldn't even remember what we did the following morning. I started drinking at 8 am before work and sometimes even on my break to the point of blacking out and getting caught. My managers were so kind and gave me a second chance and then I just go any ruined it again.

Now I'm home with no money, no job, no friends, I can't show my face in public..everyone knows what I'm like.

How can I ever forgive myself and forget all the stuff I've done? I think about it constantly and it's causing my depression to get worse. Everyone hates me I can't live with this humiliation.
Ceec is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 01:46 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR and congrats on your decision to quit Ceec! You can't change what you've done - but getting sober and moving forward will do a lot to change how people think of you today and tomorrow. Have you made any kind of plans as to what you might do to stay sober? Perhaps some kind of formal plan like AA/NA or counseling?
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 01:49 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Ceec!!

We've all done things due to alcohol, but we need to let the past be the past, we can't change those things, in time the feelings will fade, the best way to heal from them is to look to the future, make the necessary changes to your life with regards alcohol moving forward and carve out some new happy memories!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! It's great to have you onboard!!
PurpleKnight is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 01:51 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
thatcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Eastern Canada
Posts: 58
Welcome fellow Canadian. I totally agree - show 'em a sober You. The negative feelings will fade as each day passes, and I'll bet people will cheer you on (support you) as they watch you doing positive things. It starts with day one - you decision to take hold of a sober life. Show 'em what your made of. You can do this! (I was an all day and night drinker too - at work too ... if I could do it, I know you can!)
thatcat is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 01:55 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,415
Glad to meet you Ceec - welcome.

I tore myself up with memories of what I'd done. I finally decided to be kind to myself, and go easy on the remorse and guilt. It doesn't hurt to remember that we never want to go back there - but to constantly dredge up specific events is damaging. In my case, it led me to drinking again a few times. I got fed up with wallowing around in the past, held my head up, and started walking forward. With the help of SR I made it. I'm so happy you came here for some encouragement. You have many friends now - ones who understand and want to help.
Hevyn is online now  
Old 07-02-2014, 02:02 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 14
Thanks everyone for the quick replies and kind words. This is what I really needed to hear. I'm not going to stress about the past it can't hurt me if I don't let it. The past is the past.. all that is important is my now and future and the steps I take to getting better and leading a healthy life
Ceec is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 02:07 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Raider's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Welcome to SR. Just getting sober will put some of that past to rest. Sober up first. You'll be fine. I'm sure those people you think are judging were just as wasted. No worries about that now. You have a big task in front you. Blessings.
Raider is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 02:07 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
☀️⛳️
 
Stoogy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by Ceec View Post
I have finally made the decision to stop drinking for good. I've been binge drinking for the past 2 years now and have just recently lost my second job due to alcohol which was the breaking point for me as things were going so well.

I've been thinking a lot of all the stuff I've done in these past 2 years. I've embarrassed myself countless times, I'm known as the drunken **** in my community. Every time I drink I blackout for hours and wake up with only vague recollections of what I did. I would drink on the weekends and call numerous guys over throughout the night and wouldn't even remember what we did the following morning. I started drinking at 8 am before work and sometimes even on my break to the point of blacking out and getting caught. My managers were so kind and gave me a second chance and then I just go any ruined it again.

Now I'm home with no money, no job, no friends, I can't show my face in public..everyone knows what I'm like.

How can I ever forgive myself and forget all the stuff I've done? I think about it constantly and it's causing my depression to get worse. Everyone hates me I can't live with this humiliation.

Great honest post, we cannot change the past but we certainly can shape the future.
We all have to live with the ghosts of our drinking past but I refuse to let it get me down, instead I refer to those memories as the previous me.
Stoogy is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 02:08 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
Hi and welcome Ceec

I'm a guy, but I was the neighbourhood bum - you all know that guy.
I turned it around, got sober, and have a good reputation now.

Yesterday is done - we can't change a second. We need to accept that draw a line and move on.

There's a lot we can do with today though

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 02:24 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I forgive myself by accepting it's in my past. I am an addict and addicts do things when they are in the throes of addiction that non-addicts simply don't do. It's just that simple.

Being around people from my past is another matter entirely I haven't quite gotten to the point where I'm comfortable being around past acquaintances and old friends or family members yet. But I do come from a very dysfunctional family background, and I'm about 90% certain that remaining distant from my family supports my sobriety at this point. Friends do get tired of the addict behavior. And they do lose patience and trust. I guess I'm just not interested in being around many people from my past, as I had moved away from home long ago, and lost touch with all of them anyway. It just happened with school, job moves, etc. And I have never been one to make lots of friends easily, so most of my other "friends" in recent years were just acquaintances anyway.

I guess it'd be hard had I lived in the same town throughout my drinking career. I honestly don't know how I'd handle reconnecting in that situation.

Forgiving yourself will come in time. It helps for me to understand how addiction works in the brain, and it helps for me to do things that increase my self-esteem on a daily basis. I think with time, and by doing good things to bolster yourself regularly you'll see that the shame and guilt do lessen.
Soberpotamus is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 03:56 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Notmyrealname's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
You can't change the drunken past, but you can damn sure have a sober future, and after awhile your sober future has a sober past to go with it, and then you don't really think about all that drunk stuff you did way back when.
Notmyrealname is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 04:00 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,328
You don't have to forget things you've done (though they will fade with time), but it's essential to forgive yourself. We all deserve forgiveness and that doesn't mean pretending the past didn't happen. It just means, we're human, we all make mistakes, and not forgiving yourself will get in the way of your recovery.
Anna is online now  
Old 07-02-2014, 04:04 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 550
Welcome Ceec! Don't beat yourself up. Everyone has a past. You can become the sober person you want to be. It might be tough but you've got friends here. Hang in there. It gets better. Best wishes!
Waterfalls2014 is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 04:55 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
tazzle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 569
Originally Posted by Ceec View Post
Thanks everyone for the quick replies and kind words. This is what I really needed to hear. I'm not going to stress about the past it can't hurt me if I don't let it. The past is the past.. all that is important is my now and future and the steps I take to getting better and leading a healthy life
Well Said!! welcome to the forum!
tazzle is offline  
Old 07-02-2014, 05:01 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Magsie
 
Mags1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,509
Hi Ceec, welcome to sr. Just baby steps one day at a time.
Mags1 is online now  
Old 07-02-2014, 05:05 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Johnston's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,051
Believe it or not, you may actually chuckle about your past someday. In the meantime, just stay sober.
Johnston is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:14 PM.