its too much
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,327
its too much
Im on day 3..... hubby away for first time in over 25 years......I just feel im taking too much on...... work, family, college, no wine, no hubby...... just feel so alone any lonley.....
sorry to moan.
sorry to moan.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
It's okay. I have been single for 25 years. It's possible to not drink when you are alone.
Keep reading and posting here, stay busy. The first weeks are the hardest, then it gets much better.
Try to remember H.A.L.T. - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired - and when you feel one of these, do something to remedy it, they can be causes of wanting a drink. If it's loneliness right now, get out of your house and talk to people: neighbors, coffee shop people, sales people, your family or friends. Make phone calls.
Keep reading and posting here, stay busy. The first weeks are the hardest, then it gets much better.
Try to remember H.A.L.T. - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired - and when you feel one of these, do something to remedy it, they can be causes of wanting a drink. If it's loneliness right now, get out of your house and talk to people: neighbors, coffee shop people, sales people, your family or friends. Make phone calls.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
breathe.... hang on.... you can manage this.
WINE WON'T HELP.
It will only give you an illusion of help while making things worse.
We who tend toward addiction troubles also tend to tend toward overbooking our lives. It seems like sort of an addiction itself. If we fill our lives to overflowing with commitments and to-do's, then we can stay too busy to ever feel the uncomfortable bubbling up of the stuff that unsettles us. This works - to a point. The big trouble with this strategy is that invariably it becomes TOO MUCH and we've overshot the 'stay busy' theory to the point of being TOO DAMNED BUSY and overstretched and that brings about stress and then.... to cool off the stress, we drank.
Remove the drink and, NOW WHAT?????
Well here's something I've begun to learn. It's ok to let some crap go. It's ok that some commitments get de-committed and what we once thought were priorities get de-prioritized. It's OK, in fact it's critical, to just have some empty spaces in our lives. Sometimes those empty spaces will be uncomfortable because of the thoughts and feelings that well up. That's OK too. That's normal and natural. And, we've avoided those empty spaces, thoughts and feelings (or numbed or destroyed them with booze) for so long that now it's like an uncontrollable spigot has been turned on and it's overwhelming.
But that's OK too.
And, if we are patient and remind ourselves that those thoughts and feelings won't really harm us. If we remind ourselves that they are temporary and we ride it out, then something really cool starts to happen. We begin to find peace and joy in those empty spaces.
It is hard to have faith in that when we're feeling overwhelmed and stretched, but it really is true.
See if you can't find something to re-prioritize and just go for a walk and notice things. Or ride your bicycle. Or meditate. Or play a musical instrument. Or draw, write or create.
You can do this
WINE WON'T HELP.
It will only give you an illusion of help while making things worse.
We who tend toward addiction troubles also tend to tend toward overbooking our lives. It seems like sort of an addiction itself. If we fill our lives to overflowing with commitments and to-do's, then we can stay too busy to ever feel the uncomfortable bubbling up of the stuff that unsettles us. This works - to a point. The big trouble with this strategy is that invariably it becomes TOO MUCH and we've overshot the 'stay busy' theory to the point of being TOO DAMNED BUSY and overstretched and that brings about stress and then.... to cool off the stress, we drank.
Remove the drink and, NOW WHAT?????
Well here's something I've begun to learn. It's ok to let some crap go. It's ok that some commitments get de-committed and what we once thought were priorities get de-prioritized. It's OK, in fact it's critical, to just have some empty spaces in our lives. Sometimes those empty spaces will be uncomfortable because of the thoughts and feelings that well up. That's OK too. That's normal and natural. And, we've avoided those empty spaces, thoughts and feelings (or numbed or destroyed them with booze) for so long that now it's like an uncontrollable spigot has been turned on and it's overwhelming.
But that's OK too.
And, if we are patient and remind ourselves that those thoughts and feelings won't really harm us. If we remind ourselves that they are temporary and we ride it out, then something really cool starts to happen. We begin to find peace and joy in those empty spaces.
It is hard to have faith in that when we're feeling overwhelmed and stretched, but it really is true.
See if you can't find something to re-prioritize and just go for a walk and notice things. Or ride your bicycle. Or meditate. Or play a musical instrument. Or draw, write or create.
You can do this
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by petals 
Im on day 3..... hubby away for first time in over 25 years......I just feel im taking too much on...... work, family, college, no wine, no hubby...... just feel so alone any lonley.....
sorry to moan.
sorry to moan.
Keep in mind that everything in your list above ( work, family, college, etc ) will always be there - whether you are drinking or not. And NOT drinking will actually make it easier to deal with them. You are also on day 3...which can be one of the worst to get through. Your body is still dealing with the initial physical withdrawals and they will go away, but the first few days can be rough.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,327
Aw thanks guys, I really appreciate you getting back to me. I had to go out before to give a lift to my daughter......the only way I could hang on to no wine was I left my purse at home..... nearly done day 3.......... feel so hollow and useless..... got nothing done here tonight. ?...will all mount up for tomorrow leaving me more stressed. ........
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Petals, good job!
Here's a thread you might find useful. Give it a read. AVRT has helped me immensely.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
Love from Lenina
PS. You might bookmark it for when you need something to read
Here's a thread you might find useful. Give it a read. AVRT has helped me immensely.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html
Love from Lenina
PS. You might bookmark it for when you need something to read
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
petals, definitely stay logged into SR. Cook with your laptop next to you and open to the forum 
Day 3 is so hard but tomorrow will be different. It does get better. Stay away from the wine! Hugs to you.
Day 3 is so hard but tomorrow will be different. It does get better. Stay away from the wine! Hugs to you. Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 314
The first week is hard! The only way I found to make it through was by accepting how damn hard it was. It's like climbing up a big mountain. You have to just keep going one foot in front of the other in order to reach the top. You're doing great, keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
We who tend toward addiction troubles also tend to tend toward overbooking our lives. It seems like sort of an addiction itself. If we fill our lives to overflowing with commitments and to-do's, then we can stay too busy to ever feel the uncomfortable bubbling up of the stuff that unsettles us. This works - to a point. The big trouble with this strategy is that invariably it becomes TOO MUCH and we've overshot the 'stay busy' theory to the point of being TOO DAMNED BUSY and overstretched and that brings about stress and then.... to cool off the stress, we drank.
Lovin Life
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Vancouver island
Posts: 16
WTG by the time you read this it'll be day four. Congrats. I've only been on here for a short time and haven't said a whole lot but I've read non-stop and all the encouragement I have seen from the people on here is incredible. I am praying for you! Be strong.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Petals, the most important thing is to be kind and gentle with yourself. You might not get everything done today or tomorrow, but try to accept that you are doing great. I found it really helpful to prioritize and make a list and then I could cross off one or two items each day. It made me feel like I was moving forward.
Remember, there's no situation that drinking can't make worse.
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