I'm at work... don't feel chirpy
Gl@ss Artist & Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 880
I'm at work... don't feel chirpy
I keep reading posts here... people are all happy and chirpy... enjoying the weather, enjoying their day. I wish I could feel like that. I'm at work. We had terrible storms here in the midwest. Driving to work this morning I saw so much damage. Just not feeling so good right now. Thanks for letting me talk.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by ElleDee 
I keep reading posts here... people are all happy and chirpy... enjoying the weather, enjoying their day. I wish I could feel like that. I'm at work. We had terrible storms here in the midwest. Driving to work this morning I saw so much damage. Just not feeling so good right now. Thanks for letting me talk.
So you aren't feeling happy. Time for a gratitude list. Were you spared damage from the storm? There's one. You are at work...so you've a job. Wonderful, that's the second thing to be grateful for. Sober? There's 3.
I bet you can think of a few more.
It's also okay to feel down. Early recovery has a lot of ups and downs...to many downs. But hey, I hear even "Normal" people get sad once and a while. And they deal with it.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: BC
Posts: 557
It's amazing how the grip of alcoholism can allow us to overlook all the good in our lives and focus on the bad. That's where it's power lies ... in the darkness that it creates in our lives, despite all that we have to be grateful for. Don't let it win Elle ... life is so much better sober. No chaos, no drama, just a boring, serene life. For me, happy and chirpy comes with acceptance that I can't control every other thing in my life. It's very freeing to finally accept that I cannot and should not try to manage everyone else's lives and everything that is happening around me. Yep, it's boring, but I think I've had enough "excitement" and chaos in my life. Boring is a reprieve from the life I used to live. It will get better ... keep fighting the good fight!
Gl@ss Artist & Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 880
I am just letting the darkness win today. 
Maybe I'll go out at lunch and try to pick up a new attitude.
Sometimes the fight is so exhausting. Thanks to all of you who are here for me and my whining. I'm whining a lot today.
Maybe I'll go out at lunch and try to pick up a new attitude.
Sometimes the fight is so exhausting. Thanks to all of you who are here for me and my whining. I'm whining a lot today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Well I agree that we should be looking at the positives instead of dwelling on what is going wrong today, BUT...if it makes you feel any better, I'm not particularly chipper either. Stressful deadline today, and looks like everyone else is leaving early to go watch soccer...but I can't.
Some days are better than others. That's all.
Some days are better than others. That's all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: BC
Posts: 557
I find it very helpful to step aside (especially at work) and say the Serenity Prayer ... sloooowwwwly . I actually go into the washroom, lock myself in a stall for a few minutes and pray for the wisdom and strength to get through the day. Breathe deeply (as long as the air is ok lol) and just relax for a minute. Give it a whirl ... it might just help! 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Brooklyn, ny
Posts: 734
ElleDee - It's ok to feel crappy and to say so. We all feel that way sometimes, some with more reason than others, but it's a legit feeling no matter. Get it out of your system and continue on the good fight. There will be better days ahead.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hah! Elledee. Right there with you. I'm at home post-knock out virus sitting amidst my own storm damage. Definitely not on par with what happened in the midwest. Here is a dish towel saying that pretty much sums up the conversation I have been having solo lately:
Yes.
I am still in my pajamas.
What did I accomplish today?
The kids are still alive.
Say thank you.
Now say I'm pretty.
Want to trade?
Yes.
I am still in my pajamas.
What did I accomplish today?
The kids are still alive.
Say thank you.
Now say I'm pretty.
Want to trade?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi ElleDee,
Your post drew my interest and so I went back and read through some of the posts you have done since coming here in May. I also saw that you relapsed at least once and restarted your sober date.
The reason I noticed this thread this morning was because you are doing what I used to do before I "got it" and quit drinking once and for all.
I got to "people watching."
I could not figure out what made everybody so different from me. I found myself feeling VERY jealous that "those" people were able to function and act like nothing was wrong, when I was suffering so much. How come THEY didn't need alcohol or opiates to function, and I did?
Well, probably because they didn't napalm their pleasure receptors like I did and be left with damage control. I grew to realize that, if I didn't quit and give myself time to heal, I would never be like "them."
Getting sober/off drugs means deliberately feeling like crap for an extended period of time. The "dysphoria" you feel right now, while noticing the people who are chirpy despite what seems like an obviously gloomy day to you, is temporary. You need to understand that or you won't get through it.
Yes, you've got to accept your "dysphoria" for awhile, while you heal. If you don't give this enough time to see that the dysphoria does pass, you are doomed to repeat the "quit and then relapse" thing over and over and over again.
The more I people watched, the more I started to think about how I would feel IF all "those" people were like ME. Like ME. How would I feel if the bus driver was a closet drinker/user, the police officer, the mailman, the neighbor, the waitress, the (you fill it in). Well, some I wouldn't care about -- others? HELL no.
I just wanted to be "normal" again. Hey, I could remember a time BEFORE alcohol when I was happy too. At least happier than I was.
For me and many others, the life changing event that ended the drinking/drugging was not all so dramatic at all, but an identity shift.
I can tell by listening to you that you haven't self identified as a non-drinker/non-user yet. You still consider yourself a drinker who "has to" abstain. You probably can't wrap your head around "never" drinking again. But, if you were really a "non-drinker," that idea would not bother you at all.
So, it might be a good idea to rethink this whole non drinking thing. Wouldn't it be nice if all drinking decisions were non-issues? If you were simply a non-drinker, all drinking decisions are very very simple. Maybe not easy for a little while, but very very simple. In ANY situation, you simply do what ALL other non-drinkers do -- something else.
I know it isn't easy. I tried and failed so many times to quit, I eventually decided I would just always be a drinker. A few years of that later, I began to realize that instead of making my life more "fun," drinking was limiting me totally. I couldn't fathom going anywhere without knowing I would have my alcohol immediately available. So I just wouldn't go to places I could not either bring it or buy it. I also noticed that every single time I had a bad day or didn't feel good, I blamed it on too much alcohol the night before. Much later, after I quit, I discovered to my surprise that sometimes I just had bad days. Like everybody else.
Rethink your life and decide. Do you WANT to be a drinker? Okay, then do that.
Or, would you REALLY rather be a non-drinker?
If the latter is the case, do it sooner than later. If you do, you'll have more years of your life to enjoy. And you really will discover that, with enough time, you will be one of the chirpers again. But there's not a chance that's going to happen if you keep drinking, because it is obviously a problem in your life right now.
Good luck. You did catch my eye because you are describing things so much the way I used to think.
BTW, check out the AVRT thread in the Secular Connections part of SR. You may find something useful there.
Your post drew my interest and so I went back and read through some of the posts you have done since coming here in May. I also saw that you relapsed at least once and restarted your sober date.
The reason I noticed this thread this morning was because you are doing what I used to do before I "got it" and quit drinking once and for all.
I got to "people watching."
I could not figure out what made everybody so different from me. I found myself feeling VERY jealous that "those" people were able to function and act like nothing was wrong, when I was suffering so much. How come THEY didn't need alcohol or opiates to function, and I did?
Well, probably because they didn't napalm their pleasure receptors like I did and be left with damage control. I grew to realize that, if I didn't quit and give myself time to heal, I would never be like "them."
Getting sober/off drugs means deliberately feeling like crap for an extended period of time. The "dysphoria" you feel right now, while noticing the people who are chirpy despite what seems like an obviously gloomy day to you, is temporary. You need to understand that or you won't get through it.
Yes, you've got to accept your "dysphoria" for awhile, while you heal. If you don't give this enough time to see that the dysphoria does pass, you are doomed to repeat the "quit and then relapse" thing over and over and over again.
The more I people watched, the more I started to think about how I would feel IF all "those" people were like ME. Like ME. How would I feel if the bus driver was a closet drinker/user, the police officer, the mailman, the neighbor, the waitress, the (you fill it in). Well, some I wouldn't care about -- others? HELL no.
I just wanted to be "normal" again. Hey, I could remember a time BEFORE alcohol when I was happy too. At least happier than I was.
For me and many others, the life changing event that ended the drinking/drugging was not all so dramatic at all, but an identity shift.
I can tell by listening to you that you haven't self identified as a non-drinker/non-user yet. You still consider yourself a drinker who "has to" abstain. You probably can't wrap your head around "never" drinking again. But, if you were really a "non-drinker," that idea would not bother you at all.
So, it might be a good idea to rethink this whole non drinking thing. Wouldn't it be nice if all drinking decisions were non-issues? If you were simply a non-drinker, all drinking decisions are very very simple. Maybe not easy for a little while, but very very simple. In ANY situation, you simply do what ALL other non-drinkers do -- something else.
I know it isn't easy. I tried and failed so many times to quit, I eventually decided I would just always be a drinker. A few years of that later, I began to realize that instead of making my life more "fun," drinking was limiting me totally. I couldn't fathom going anywhere without knowing I would have my alcohol immediately available. So I just wouldn't go to places I could not either bring it or buy it. I also noticed that every single time I had a bad day or didn't feel good, I blamed it on too much alcohol the night before. Much later, after I quit, I discovered to my surprise that sometimes I just had bad days. Like everybody else.
Rethink your life and decide. Do you WANT to be a drinker? Okay, then do that.
Or, would you REALLY rather be a non-drinker?
If the latter is the case, do it sooner than later. If you do, you'll have more years of your life to enjoy. And you really will discover that, with enough time, you will be one of the chirpers again. But there's not a chance that's going to happen if you keep drinking, because it is obviously a problem in your life right now.
Good luck. You did catch my eye because you are describing things so much the way I used to think.
BTW, check out the AVRT thread in the Secular Connections part of SR. You may find something useful there.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
What you are going thru is normal in early sobriety. I definately was not a happy camper when I started out. Trying to cope without alcohol is tough and not fun. You are going to have some bad days and it is okay to vent.
It really does get better just try to hang in there and post here as often as you need to.
It really does get better just try to hang in there and post here as often as you need to.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Hello ED. I guess sometimes the earth has to "pitch a fit" in a storm..just like us : ) Sorry to hear your struggling. I know that the first couple weeks of sobriety is either somewhat "wah wah" or kinda just "meh". I had a wobble at 3 weeks of sobriety..JUST when I was starting to feeling a little more comfortable in it. This is a pretty major behavioural change. Major. I know that when I first started at a gym years back (I'm er..um ..on hiatus currently)..
I will never forget that first month..feeling sheepish and insecure, carting around my little clipboard that had my "routine" on it. I felt so out of place with all those other "gym folk". I felt sooooooooo conspicuous (like anyone really noticed or cared). I did not enjoy going...but I forced myself..time after time...until I didn't have to carry that clipboard around. I knew my routine by heart. It didn't feel like a foreign land anymore. People started to nod "hello" to me...
As more and more time passed..well, I became a "regular"... a part of the club. I would see people I knew out and about and they would say "hey! I know you from the gym!"...or even better was.."hey, you're ALWAYS at the gym! You're gym girl!" (that was my personal fave : ).
Anyhoo...Sobriety is like anything else that is new and foreign. In the beginning it's awkward and uncomfortable and we don't really have a clue what we're doing. Our frustration tolerance is exceedingly low and I know, I for one, can be given to "pitching a fit" sometimes...
I'm one of those 'chirpy" folk...today..anyway. It's sunny on the Canadian westcoast..AND it's Canada Day. I'm on the 28th floor over English Bay in the Pacific. I just walked steps to down the road to get myself a Tim Horton's double double...
Today will hopefully be a wonderful day (I have spent far too many Canada Days too hungover to even move). But...the westcoast gets a lot of rain to make it this green..everyday can't be sunny.
I'm glad you posted.
We need more "regulars" around here..
Keep carrying that clipboard around...keep feeling awkward and uncomfortable..
Please : )
It gets better..it honestly, honestly does.
I will never forget that first month..feeling sheepish and insecure, carting around my little clipboard that had my "routine" on it. I felt so out of place with all those other "gym folk". I felt sooooooooo conspicuous (like anyone really noticed or cared). I did not enjoy going...but I forced myself..time after time...until I didn't have to carry that clipboard around. I knew my routine by heart. It didn't feel like a foreign land anymore. People started to nod "hello" to me...
As more and more time passed..well, I became a "regular"... a part of the club. I would see people I knew out and about and they would say "hey! I know you from the gym!"...or even better was.."hey, you're ALWAYS at the gym! You're gym girl!" (that was my personal fave : ).
Anyhoo...Sobriety is like anything else that is new and foreign. In the beginning it's awkward and uncomfortable and we don't really have a clue what we're doing. Our frustration tolerance is exceedingly low and I know, I for one, can be given to "pitching a fit" sometimes...
I'm one of those 'chirpy" folk...today..anyway. It's sunny on the Canadian westcoast..AND it's Canada Day. I'm on the 28th floor over English Bay in the Pacific. I just walked steps to down the road to get myself a Tim Horton's double double...
Today will hopefully be a wonderful day (I have spent far too many Canada Days too hungover to even move). But...the westcoast gets a lot of rain to make it this green..everyday can't be sunny.
I'm glad you posted.
We need more "regulars" around here..
Keep carrying that clipboard around...keep feeling awkward and uncomfortable..
Please : )
It gets better..it honestly, honestly does.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
I remind myself often that "This Too Shall Pass"
no matter what the circumstances are. I know if I
don't drink today, accomplish at least one thing
during the day, continue to incorporate my recovery
program thru out the day in all my affairs, lay my
head down after thanking my HP or God of my
understanding, for keeping me safe and sober,
then this day is done and will never come again.
Look to repeating whatever I need to do once
again tomorrow and look for the sun to shine
or rain to cool us off down here in the south.
This too shall pass and it always does.
no matter what the circumstances are. I know if I
don't drink today, accomplish at least one thing
during the day, continue to incorporate my recovery
program thru out the day in all my affairs, lay my
head down after thanking my HP or God of my
understanding, for keeping me safe and sober,
then this day is done and will never come again.
Look to repeating whatever I need to do once
again tomorrow and look for the sun to shine
or rain to cool us off down here in the south.
This too shall pass and it always does.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,833
ElleDee, I'm also in Milwaukee. Those storms were pretty bad last night. Luckily, I didn't lose power in my neighborhood.
I'm afraid that I'm one of those "chirpy" ones When I was drinking I was miserable most of the time, so I'm making up for it in sobriety. Whenever I start to feel down I just think about how bad I felt while drinking and that always makes me feel better.
I'm afraid that I'm one of those "chirpy" ones
When I was drinking I was miserable most of the time, so I'm making up for it in sobriety. Whenever I start to feel down I just think about how bad I felt while drinking and that always makes me feel better.
Gl@ss Artist & Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 880
Originally Posted by LeTheVerte
Hah! Elledee. Right there with you. I'm at home post-knock out virus sitting amidst my own storm damage. Definitely not on par with what happened in the midwest. Here is a dish towel saying that pretty much sums up the conversation I have been having solo lately:
Yes.
I am still in my pajamas.
What did I accomplish today?
The kids are still alive.
Say thank you.
Now say I'm pretty.
Want to trade?
Yes.
I am still in my pajamas.
What did I accomplish today?
The kids are still alive.
Say thank you.
Now say I'm pretty.
Want to trade?
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