IntrospectThis

My name is Mat, I'm 22 years old, and I've been suffering from addiction since I was 15. It started with smoking weed and drinking, and am now using heroin intravenously. I'm not sure why I'm here, or why I'm typing this, but my hope is that it will support me in bringing about a change. I recently became engaged to be married, and my fiance and I have both been struggling with this addiction for too long. I feel responsible for her relapse, because I am, and feel as though I have failed to protect her. Worse yet, directly put her life in danger. I need help. We need help.. I don't care so much what happens to me, but I know that if I'm not making it available, her use will end. And from that, so will mine. I'm hoping this site helps. We are about to start withdrawals, and this needs to be the last time.

PurpleKnight

Hey Mat, Welcome to the Forum!! You'll find loads of support here!!

ultradad

Welcome Matt! We each make our own choices, you are not responsible for anyone else drug use. That being said, I think it will be almost impossible to stop if one of you continue to use. Detox can be rough and dangerous so seek the appropriate medical help and then get to treatment, AA, NA or some type of program that will help you guys stay clean!

My first temporary sponsor was in AA and is clean/sober from heroin addiction for 3 years now, so it can be done! Wishing you both all the best!!!

Amester

Welcome, you have found a wonderful place to get started with seeking recovery, the support and resources here are amazing.

I have a similar story that spans from age 18 to age 32. Started with alcohol and ended up shooting heroin and cocaine. Getting off the opiates is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done but it is possible, I am on day 63 clean today.

There were two keys to me getting through the initial withdrawal and the first month or so. Support was crucial, I needed to move back in with my patents and my bf at the time stayed with us and helped take care of me. I couldn't just lay around alone in my apartment suffering like I had tried to do 100 times before. I always caved at the first opportunity to use. And I had to WANT to do it. Really really want to. Not I "should" or was "supposed to", I was really at the end of my rope, I could not live that way even another week and the way things were going I probably wouldn't have survived another week. Shooting heroin is Russian Roulette, any time I used could have been my last.

Have you looked into any detox programs in your area or considered Suboxone if it's available? There is support out there and it absolutely can be done if you're ready. You made a huge first step by posting, keep reaching out and we will help however we can.

IntrospectThis

Wow, already there's a lot of support.. Thank you all for posting so promptly, I think I can do it this time.. It's gunna suck, but here goes into day one of the sickness..

IntrospectThis

Thankya purpleknight, already finding loads

IntrospectThis

And thank you ultradad, I know we all make our own choices and that I didn't force her to do anything. What bothers me is that I was the one who started doing it, getting it, sharing it.. I cut up all of our rigs, cleaned all the spoons, and we are flat broke. So I think that we're going to make it, just as long as we can get through this first phase..

trachemys

Matt, I'm totally serious here. Both of you go to the doctor before you start. Multiple substance withdrawal is deadly serious. Be honest with your doctor and they will help you through the physical part.

Amester

You absolutely CAN do it. A strategy I've been using is when I get even an inkling of caving into a craving I make myself post here first. There is always someone here to help, 24/7, and someone always seems to say the right thing to keep me from acting on my impulse. By the time i write out a post and read a few replies the craving passes.

Also remember to take care of yourself, lots of fluids and try to eat at least a little something here and there. A hot bath or shower can help a lot. I can't tell you how good I feel these days, so much better than any high from a fix. It is so worth it.

And it helps to tell myself "this too shall pass." I promise it will, hang in there and you never have to go through it again.

And yes seeing a dr is a very very very good idea especially if you were using anything else like benzos or alcohol.

IntrospectThis

Amester, it's assuring to hear that there are people here who share a similar story. We have each other and some good friends to help us through, and it's seeming this site is gunna do wonders as well. We are going to try and make it to a free clinic today, and as for methadone or subs we need to find a specialist doctor in the area, but it's something we are looking into.. A few people we know have had success with both. No more excuses and no more "tomorrow", it begins today.

IntrospectThis

trachemys, thank you for your concern.. We're going to try and make it to our local free clinic. We've both been through multi-substance withdrawal before, and neither of us want to go through it without help again.. Ha, wish us luck

Croissant

Hugs to both of you. It IS possible to wake up one day and totally change your life out of nowhere.

Best wishes and look forward to sharing the journey with you.

Kys

Stick around the Sober Recovery Mat, there's always someone here.

Best to you pal.

trachemys

Best of luck to you.

Hurry back. This is the biggest, bestest support group in the world.

IntrospectThis

Thank you all.. We will definitely be using this site

Stoogy

Hi Mat, you have came to the right place my friend, plenty of support right here.

Amester

So how have the last few days been for you? Doing ok so far?