Santa

My ex came by this morning asking if he could borrow the tent, which I gave to him and told him to keep, we don't use it. He was limping, near emaciated, and filthy. His roommate (female) kicked him out and changed the locks.

I'm not surprised this day came, but it's sad to see the human wreckage, especially as he had a couple of months of sobriety going. Here's a college-educated man who once had everything a person could ask for, now alone and destitute by his own hand. His children have no father.

He's planning to drive up north and camp while he "figures things out." Officially homeless on his daughter's 20th birthday. He said, "tell the kids everything is fine." I was noncommittal on that score. It's not something I want to bring up at my daughter's birthday dinner tonight, but I don't take part in keeping his secrets either.

dandylion

Santa----tons of people get to be homeless before they ever sober up.

dandylion

Santa

^ Yes I know. I'm not surprised. Just saddened by the waste.

hopeful4

I am so sorry, that had to be very very difficult to see. I hope he reaches his bottom and can reach for a better life.

God Bless.

dandylion

Santa--I want to say that I completely understand how you feel. And,it is o.k. to cry, if you need to.

dandylion

mdkathy62

Dear Santa,

Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry that you have to experience this. It is very difficult. I have not been in touch with my ex alcoholic boyfriend for a few years now and every once in a long while, I might hear through the grapevine about him and it still makes me pause and sigh a bit. It's hard to see people who we once cared about and, to a certain extent, will always care for get to that point. We want to shake them and ask why? Why are they choosing to do this?

I have no idea and unfortunately, us getting tangled into why only makes it worse for us and the people in our lives. All we can do is wish them the best.

Take care.

DMC

It is very sad.

I saw photos of my ex at his sister's wedding last year and he looked utterly emaciated. He's a walking skeleton, except he apparently can't walk any longer. And I heard recently that he's been in and out of the hospital, is not doing well, and they hinted about hospice. I haven't spoken to him in about a year, when I needed to leave a message about his insurance, and he picked up. And it was a good conversation - it sounded like he finally "got it." He offered amends for screwing up; I forgave him. The conversation had a finality about it, though.

Just very, very sad. I hear you and I share in your pain.

Hammer

We know a fairly famous celebrity.

Big house, THE cars, etc.

Now long-term rock solid AA.

We slept on their floor for two weeks when we went homeless after a STBXAW "episode," just about two years ago.

But some years prior his "matching luggage" was a couple of trash bags.

AA / God can and will -- but all must find there own bottom and Seek Him.

Trappedpdx

I am in the process of forcing my ex to move out of the basement ive allowed him to live in fir 6 years rent free while he "got himself together." I am terrified, for the reasons you describe, but his drinking has gotten so bad abpnd i have made it easy for him. Im so sorry, and understand how you feel. This is so hard! And so unfair. Such wasted potential.

robgt350

you know something, that was my ultimate fear of hitting rock bottom. i recall buying a bottle on my way home and see a homeless person and i think to my self, if i dont stop, i can be just like that. thank god i finally stop. but i was so afraid of hitting that low.
i bet a lot of people hit that low with alcohol and drugs.

Croissant

Your story resonated completely with me and reminds me of my ex husband. So much potential, high achiever academically and in sport. Probably in the top 5% in our school that was going somewhere in life.

There were times he ended up in tents, but he is ok now, many years later. In public housing and a shell of a man, eventually developed disturbing mental problems and schizophrenia.

Life has so many twists and turns we could never anticipate or imagine just a few short years before. I admire you for being strong - it's hard to be detached when you cared deeply for this person and still do on one level.

It's confronting for kids to see the things that happen to their Father and for you too, I'm sure. Just wanted to thank you for sharing and understand even though you'd never go back, it's gut wrenching to see any human being do that to themself.

Santa

Thanks everybody. I don't love him anymore, but I remember loving him, so in that way it's odd to feel this detached sort of pity. He's made such a mess of his life.