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Finding Spouse Annoying

Old 06-30-2014, 07:18 AM
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Finding Spouse Annoying

My husband and I have been married almost 10 years. We have always drank together, but he is able to stop where asI drink until wasted and looked forward to drinking by myself as it seemed like it was "me time". Time where no one needed (of course they did need) anything from me. (very selfish) I am on my 10th day in a row sober and will be seeing a psyh. for the first time this afternoon.

The relationship with my two young sons sober is so rewarding now that I have the time and energy to be the mom I want to be, but I am finding time with my husband for lack of a better word, annoying, and frankly lifeless. I know I sound like a @#$%^%

He is a wonderful man, and father. I feel guilty for feeling this way.

I would love some advice on how you have transitioned your relationship in sobriety?
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Old 06-30-2014, 07:35 AM
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For me, everything changed in my sobriety. For me as well, my relationship with my kids is better, but with my bf, not so much. He still drinks too. Sobriety for me is about learning to get what I need from sober people and sober places....places that people understand me. Check out the Friends and Family link here on SR....lots of great information. You are early in your recovery. Lots of change happening. Just sit with it and observe and reflect on it without being to hard on yourself or others. Congrats on your 10 days!
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Old 06-30-2014, 07:41 AM
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I am finding my spouse annoying at times as well. We've been married 10 years and we've always been drinking buddies. I just figure it'll take some time adjusting to our relationship now that I'm sober.
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Old 06-30-2014, 07:42 AM
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Pray a lot and try to find reasons for giving thanks for him.
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Old 06-30-2014, 07:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Gilmer View Post
Pray a lot and try to find reasons for giving thanks for him.



Prayer really does work!!
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Old 06-30-2014, 07:54 AM
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Thanking God hourly, or I might have jumped ship!
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Old 06-30-2014, 07:56 AM
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You are not normalheaded ten days into sobriety. You might not be at 100% even ten weeks into sobriety. See where you're at a couple of months from now.
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Old 06-30-2014, 07:58 AM
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why did you drink?
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Old 06-30-2014, 08:01 AM
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Thank you!

Originally Posted by Notmyrealname View Post
You are not normalheaded ten days into sobriety. You might not be at 100% even ten weeks into sobriety. See where you're at a couple of months from now.
You are so right (I hope) if not I am a huge a#$%#!

Begining to "feel" again and deal with those "feelings" without drowing them is rough. The first week almost felt like a high from not being hungover, I thought it would be just fighting the urge to drink but worth it because life would be enjoyable again. I want to snap out of it.
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Old 06-30-2014, 08:08 AM
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I am begining to work that out. My husband and I started dating in college on a rebound when I told him I wasn't ready but he was such a great guy and we "had fun"

Making dinner and getting drunk
Watching baseball and getting drunk
Studing and getting drunk
Going out to eat and getting drunk

That evolved into getting engaged getting married and careers and getting tipsy me getting drunk

Raising children having a beer or two and me getting drunk to have some relaxation while getting everything done around the house that needed to be done.

Having date night having a few drinks me getting sick on the way home and hungover all the next day

Wow thank you for asking, it is sad when I write it out. We have a "wonderful" life from the outside and I have nothing to complain about. These were all my choices, and I love my family fiercely. Having trouble transitioning my relationship with my husband from drinking partner and lover to partner and lover I am having some difficulty.
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Old 06-30-2014, 08:28 AM
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I agree that 10 days is still very early days, I didn't know whether I was coming or going for the first few weeks, my head was all over the place, so creating a rational perspective on anything was a long shot.

Give things some time, work on Sobriety and then see where you are then with your husband!!
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Old 06-30-2014, 08:49 AM
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For me, I have a husband that hasn't drank in over 30 years. He went through the AA program way back then. HOWEVER, he still uses... marijuana... on a daily basis. So that's something that I have to deal with and work though and NOT give me a reason to pick up. Don't let your spouse interfere with your sobriety.
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Old 06-30-2014, 11:35 AM
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This is indeed an overwhelming adjustment - from what you said it sounds like your husband and you "fit" originally with alcohol being a major component in the relationship. Removing alcohol is certainly going to affect that, but it will most certainly be for the better, long term. What "better" is of course is not for me to say. Sometimes what's best doesn't look like it at first.

As a rule, our emotions go pretty haywire in early sobriety. It's best not to worry about strong feelings this early on, and advisable not to make any major life decisions early on because of the way our emotions affect the decision-making process. You may feel differently next week or in a couple months. This isn't to say you need to feel ashamed about how you feel - it just is what it is and doesn't have to affect your sobriety. Just know that your brain is currently wired to cope with life via a drug, and that drug is no longer in your system. Things are going to be emotionally rocky at times, but that is absolutely normal.

Just take heart in that you are doing the right thing! It sounds like you have figured out some very good reasons to stay sober. Now you can move forward with a plan for sobriety because you know why you are doing it.
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Old 07-01-2014, 09:17 PM
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Gosh I love your honesty! You are so honest with yourself, it is so refreshing to read! You are surely on the right path. Your courtship described my courtship and marriage. I've tried to quit so many times and I would always drink again because my husband annoyed me. I finally got to the place where I won't let anything I think or feel about him make me want to drink. I know what I was doing when we were dating was wrong, and it was my decision to drink with him and do everything, and now I want to make that right and not blame him because he annoys me now that I am sobering up. It took me 12 years to think right in this department. I finally got to the point here where no matter how I "feel" about him, that has nothing to do with me getting sober this time. I push the thoughts away because I know they will make me drink and I stay busy and productive and I know that I don't have to think or do anything about him or my marriage right now. He is a perfectly great guy who has put up with my crap too, so I just set the thoughts aside. We got into it on my day 5 and that is usually when I pick up a drink again, and I did not. I am on day 9 which is the longest straight stretch I have had in 12 years. He and I are barely speaking, but it does not bother me at all. Not.at.all. I put it aside in favor of sobriety. I often have thought that I subconsciously used our relationship as my own personal excuse to keep mommy's little helper going all these years. I don't know how I did dinner and the dishes without my friend alcohol tonight, but it got done. The last thing on my mind right now is fixing my marriage or thinking about him. It's like a broken record I don't want to play anymore. Somehow I know when my mind unclouds, maybe months from now, I will see that we really liked each other all along, and the drinking only got in the way of things being more fabulous than I can imagine. For now, I just don't give it a second thought. I know it's a portal to drinking again if I obsess about him. ANNOY AHOY! I'm sailing anyway!
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Old 07-01-2014, 09:26 PM
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Can I thank on a post three times at least? I reallly want to! sobercalmwishes, this one really spoke to me, thank you!!! Good luck to you, what a great mindset, keep it up!
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Old 07-01-2014, 09:29 PM
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Hang in there, NewFighter! Breathe through the annoyance and carry on, it must get better!
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