amy55

Like I said, I trust everyone here, regarding the "blind date" thing from last week, I'm going to do it. It will probably be at a church picnic or something like that with a group of 6 - 8 people. Driving my own car.

Next dilemma----- so I went to my son's wedding. It turned out to be terrific. I had originally booked a hotel room, but my daughter wanted to rent a house, so I told her I would do this with her. I ended up not even having a room, I did bring my air mattress with me, so I used that.

My son who was to be married the next day also stayed the night before the wedding, and so did 2 of his groomsmen. I gave up my room for that night so that my son could have it because he was getting married the next day, no problem there. My daughters in-laws came the next day and took over that room, and my daughters friend who did the photography for free at the wedding took the other bedroom, so I slept on my airbag, both nights.

My son had told my daughter when he was there that he would pay for himself and his 2 friends for the night they spent there.

I told my daughter on Sunday that I would pay for me, my son, and his friends, I asked how much the house cost for the weekend.

First she told me how much it cost with the deposit included. I told her "no", you will be getting your deposit back. So I got the total cost, and also how much it cost for the brunch she wanted to have that never happened.

I left with none of this food because I didn't have a cooler.

I paid all of the difference in the charged rent, subtracted her cost for her room, her friends room, and parent in laws room, gave her that, plus paid for all the food for the brunch that didn't happen.

I have been trying all week to get pics of the wedding from my daughter to no avail, so I called my son tonight, and asked him for some, if he had the time, and I also told him not to worry about the house bill (he was going to pay for himself, and his friends) because I took care of it.

So, my question to all you good people is this ------

I did tell my son that since he just sent my daughter a check that I would call her and tell her to rip it up, since I already paid for all of this,------

or------- since she usually doesn't answer my phone calls anyway, just wait and see if she cashes his check without saying anything, while knowing that he knows that I already paid?

(Note, they never talked about the bill, my son just sent out the check)


There was more to this story, and in a way, I just want to know if my daughter will finally be honest and also not greedy.

needingabreak

Hi Amy,
Since you told your daughter you paid for your son and he sent the check, why not let them hash it out? Does he think you really are going to tell her to rip it up?
Why not let him take care of it and keep yourself from getting involved?
I feel with my son, the more I stay out of, the less stress in my life.

amy55

This is sort of the problem. I want to stay out of it, but I know my daughter will cash that check and she would never tell him that I already paid.

In a way by not telling her that I know all this and he knows, he will be able to see her for how she is, and I am trying to get along with her now, but I don't want to do it with turning her siblings against her.

Enabling at its best !!!!!!!!!!!!!

amy55

This is why I come here.

At first, I thought by not saying anything, would be revengeful. It's not.

CodeJob

Can you send an email to daughter and son saying,

Hey talked to DS this evening. Mentioned I paid you and he had already mailed out his payment. Do you mind,ripping that up when it arrives?

Love you both, M

amy55

I think I have to go with needing a break. Stay out of it. My daughter put me through helll for years. If she cashes it without telling my son that I already paid, that's on her, not me. I don't need to try to be a peace maker in anything. I know if someone sent me money that was already paid by someone else, I would just call them and tell them it was already paid and not cash the check.

I really do think my daughter will cash that check though. And not my problem.

Croissant

Firstly, you slept on the floor, which is preposterous. I agree, don't even contact your daughter - I understand the gesture of paying was for your son and it's done now - but shouldn't they have had this all worked out before the wedding?

Look, I sympathise - just been through a family wedding myself where I was the only one who organised accommodation and drama unfolded. People who don't plan annoy me! but yeah, let's just keep that to ourselves! Hehe.

needingabreak

Amy this comes from YEARS of being the peace keeper and trying to control and fix everyone. Exhausting Isn't it?
It only took a year of therapy to start me on my way of getting myself untangled from family drama. I wish you the best. I've been there and feel your pain. You'll be surprised how freeing letting go is! It's a work in progress.

amy55

needingabreak,

After all of these years dealing with my oldest daughter and walking on eggshells, and she isn't even an addict, I have to keep remembering "Let Go, Let God". She uses physical ailments to control people, and puts herself in the hospital each time she is stressed. Can I say hypochondriac, even though they have done medical surgery on her.

She put a big wedge between me and my son and my youngest daughter. Filed an RO against me because of a birthday party that I wanted to go to at her house because mom was coming in from Florida, and I wanted to see her, but she had also invited my ex while he was serving me divorce papers.

I think if my relationship was better I might have let her know that i know her brother is sending her a check.

I'm just letting it all go. She can cash it, or actually acknowledge to him I already paid. I do know they had a brief convo, and that wasn't brought up. That's why he sent the check.

Oh well, I simply forgot to give her a call..................She can either cash it or not.

She already took me for over $1500. so, I'll bet she cashes it.

Croissant, thank you for your reply. No, my daughter had no pre made plans. In fact, I think she pre set $125 per room, and $100 room space. She would have made money on that deal.

Croissant

Well, if she cashes the check, she's ripping your son off, not you. Given he now knows you paid...well, it will sort itself out. The karma is on her now.

The one thing is....the wedding happened, you got to go to it and do something nice for your son by paying for the room. No strings attached....so leave it at that.