lizatola

My family is dealing with a family crisis right now as my grandfather(in FL) is dying and in late state kidney failure. He's 91 and had a beautiful and healthy life up until now but these late stages before death are really sending the family for a loop. He's suffering from delirium and he's basically having psychotic episodes where my grandmother (she's 87) is at her wit's end. My mom is down there and I communicate with her daily as I'm helping her make phone calls to hospice facilities and care givers and memorial service stuff. I know it's weird but it's hard to hear my mom struggle. She was always the strong one, the supportive one, the stoic one, etc. She sounds exhausted emotionally right now and I wish I could just go down there and give her a hug. Well, her and my grandmother too, because my grandmother is really suffering, as well. He curses at her, he takes off all his clothes and tries to leave the house saying that he wants to go home. Before they had hospice 24/7, she actually had to call the police because he was getting physical with her.

Anyway, that is stressing me out mainly because I'm trying to help from a distance. I am very close to my grandparents and wish I could be there, but I'm not even sure I could handle it, if I were.

And, my situation at home is tenuous, as always. AH has been going to AA for 3 weeks now but he has now started drinking NA beer again. I know that NA beer is no biggie for some people, but for him I think it's a gateway to going back to the real stuff. It's what he used 4 years ago to mix with real beer when he was hiding it from me early on. He even admitted at one time that the NA beer helped him hide his addiction. UGH, time to put the focus back on my program, I know that. Just right now, though, I feel so emotionally drained and worn out.

I am praying that my grandfather passes peacefully and that this agitation phase is short lived. I have been through this hospice routine when my own dad died and it's hard to watch my mother now lose her father, just as I lost mine. I guess it all comes back in memories and I'm tearing up now, so I think I'll stop.

MissFixit

I am sorry about your grandfather.

NA beer has a little alcohol in it so, yes, I would bet his program isnt strong and relapse will follow.

How is your new job going? Hows your boys sports stuff?

lizatola

UGH, the job thing is fine but I'm still trying to come up with how I want to be paid for it and how much is fair, etc. Between my vacation last week and her vacation this week, we haven't been able to get time to discuss this further.

As for son: he's great. He just played a tournament out in San Diego and came out with a few wins and we wrapped some fun vacation stuff in, too. Thanks for asking! I'm just trying to emotionally keep my head above water.

CodeJob

Liz, peace to you and yours. I hope the hospice can help,with your grandfather's agitation. I know it hurts when you want to be there for your family but you cannot.

Stung

So sorry about your grandfather. Sending you hugs, Liz!

amy55

Liz, my opinion, and my opinion only. Take what you can, leave the rest. It's summertime. Is there a way for you to go to Florida to be with your mom and your grandma, I think it would mean the world to them. Also to be with your grandfather no matter what his state of mind is at. Lets say 2 weeks.

Don't worry about anything about your marriage right now. It is what it is. It will be what it will be when you get back.

BTW, as an RA, non-alcoholic beer, you don't drink it because like you like it, you drink it because your want to caress the bottle, you want to smell it, and you want to drink it hoping that it gives you a buzz, when it doesn't, you get the real thing. Non-A beer taste really sucks, and you don't get what you want from it. I do feel it is the gateway back to hello. HELL O, I miss my old friend.

lizatola

Oh, Amy, I wish I could go there but my mom is actually leaving on Wednesday and I am heading to CO to visit my sister and 2 cousins. My cousin is pregnant and has been trying for 10 years to get this to happen for them but she is having some pregnancy troubles. I am going to be spending time with her while her husband is traveling for work (he works for NASA and has to go to some conference).

I feel torn, but I'm also disappointed that my mom is leaving them on Wednesday because she feels that 'her house stuff' is more important. By house stuff, I mean her organic garden and harvesting the fruit and the veggies, etc. Her husband still works full time and barely has time to cut the grass on the farm, let alone take care of the bees and the garden and orchard. I wonder if my mom will regret it if she leaves, but that is her life and it's her choice.

I had already committed to going to CO about a month ago and have my airplane tix and car rental, etc already planned. My cousin's mom (my aunt) is most likely going to FL from GA after my mom leaves anyway.

UGH, there's so much going on, LOL!

And, then the NA beer crap. Yep, he's even admitted years ago that he liked the feel of the beer bottle and the habit of drinking even if it is NA beer. So, I'm already leery of his 'recovery'. I can only hope that this is just another roadblock for him and that he figures it out on his own. I have too much on my plate to really care about what he is or isn't doing.

Oh, and since I'm whining, LOL: I cannot wait for it to cool off in October around here! 110 degrees today and I tried to go for a run at 8 PM and I felt like my lungs were going to separate. Sooo, back to the gym I go. I will miss the outdoors, though, and I find that I get depressed on a treadmill because it can't compare to the trails and the outdoors! Oh well, I guess it's like winter in North Dakota, right? Just the opposite.