ElleDee

For those of you involved with AA, I have a sponsor question.

I need a sponsor. I met a woman at a meeting yesterday who was telling me about her sponsor and suggested I meet her. We're going together to a meeting this morning where this lady will be.

My concern is this: She said to me "My sponsor has 2 requirements. One is that you check in with her every day and the second is that you attend this meeting and that meeting, those 2 meetings are mandatory." Well I'm fine with the first request... not fine with the second. Both "mandatory" meetings are in the middle of weekend mornings. I'm doing 90 in 90 so I WILL go to a meeting every day but can't promise an 11AM Saturday morning every week. I also have stuff to do and sometimes have to work, babysit, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I am serious about getting a sponsor and doing everything the right way but already I'm feeling pushed around.

I suppose I can just be honest with her about it and if she says well, then I can't sponsor you... so I find a different sponsor.

Is my thinking off?

tomsteve

good on ya for lookin for a sponsor!!!
im not sure,thoough. it seems rather...ummm. controlling??... for a sponsor to lay demands on a person in a program that doesn't have any demands, only suggestions.

no, yer thinkin isn't off,IMO.

what I would suggest is a "thank you for the suggestion on a sponsor." then go to meetings and listen for what you want. 90 in 90...good thing!!! im guessin Milwaukee has a pretty good selection of meetings, so id suggest maybe picking 2 meetings/week to attend regularly and use the other days to go to different meetings.
seek and she will appear.

BadCompany

You're fine. Finding a sponsor is a mix and match situation. Schedules. Personalities. It is not an exact science.

Tamerua

Be honest with her. If she still requires it, there are other sponsors. I listened to women speak and found one that I clicked with. And then we spoke, like and interview.

Now that I am ready to sponsor, I found out that I will have questions to ask and not everyone will be a fit.

Tamerua

And I just caught the Milwaukee part, I loved the meetings in Milwaukee! I have been for work and the people there are so welcoming!

ultradad

I agree, I've never heard of a sponsor making a meeting mandatory. But, this is second hand info from your friend, it may not be 'that mandatory' and just a suggestion. However, if it is then your thinking is correct, in my opinion. You'll find the right person, be it her or someone else. Don't feel obligated in any way!

ElleDee

Thanks my friends!



Yes, Milwaukee is the small town of big cities and I'm so grateful that we have so many meetings. I appreciate so much what you all said. I'm going with an open mind and will see how things go. There are a number of women only meetings here as well so I think if the fit doesn't seem right, I'll find another. I'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking she is a bit demanding. We'll see if she really is or if my friend just perceives her that way.

NewFighter

Excited to read your journey ElleDee! I haven't ventured into an AA meeting yet

PurpleKnight

Best being honest and having a chat, I'm sure there are other sponsor options!!

sobercalmwishes

I really learned a lot from AA, but a pushy sponsor would always make me want to drink again and quit. That's just me. They sort of make it seem like their way is the only way, but it didn't work for me and I did everything I was told. I got 60 days one time, and had enough of the sponsors, and they were great, but pushy. You have to do what is best for you and going to keep you sober, and if your'e going to work that program, it is my humble opinion that you need to take your time and find a sponsor that cares for you and loves you and wants you to succeed in your way, not dominate you and control you. What works for one person does not necessarily work for another, we are all unique personalities. If you are a praying woman, pray for a sponsor that will fit your needs and that will inspire you and motivate you. Look for somebody who has what you want.

LadyinBC

I don't think your thinking is off at all. I think being honest with her is best and if she thinks you need to find another sponsor then so be it.

I do give her kudos for at least being upfront about what she expected from you. This is very important when asking someone to sponsor you. People always have the option of saying no if they can't meet their expectations.

When picking a sponsor, it is always a good idea to sit down and discuss what both your expectations are and what they can and can't do for you. If you lay everything out on the table right away, there are no surprises later on. Like kids, jobs, other commitments, etc. real life does get in the way sometimes, so it is important to let the sponsor know about these things. Treat it almost like an interview.

Good on you for making the effort to do 90 meetings in 90 days!